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The Utensil Drawer, Boone, IA (2025)

09/01/2025

“It’s never fun to lose, especially when the loss involves not just some seedlings, but the brilliant future they once contained.” - David Tracey, Guerrilla Gardening

While David was referencing a city crew ripping out a planting in a public space, it struck a cord as I listened to his audiobook. This is why loss and grief are so hard. It’s loss of what could have been.

Today grief hit a little extra hard as one of our daughters became ill, and our plans to have picnic at Ledges State Park to celebrate Noah’s 6th birthday were sidelined. But instead we had a 6 year old’s dream dinner, Paw Patrol Mac and cheese (plus some cherry tomatoes and apple slices because, balance 😆). We sang happy birthday and ate the homemade cake that I worked very hard to bake this morning (I am NOT a natural-born baker).

Rewind to the other day, while picking up our daughter from her first day of school, a boy walked out and the teacher gave him a high five and said “Great job, Noah!”. Immediately tears formed in my eyes as I know I’ll never hear that phrase said to my Noah.

I will forever look over when someone says his name or let my eyes linger an extra moment on the four letters that make up his name when I catch it written down. Each birthday will be a celebration of the joy you bring to our lives and how much your life mattered no matter how short. Happy 6th birthday buddy, we love you so much. 💕

06/10/2025

Soaking in a month's worth of sunsets, sunrises, and the beauty that surrounds us. ❤️

05/12/2025

A beautiful Mother's Day weekend with a pancake breakfast at the airport, a market, a class at and a trip to Holub's Greenhouse with my own mom, and lots of time spent in the garden.
This weekend will always have a slight shadow cast on it because there will forever be one less hand to hold, but Noah was sure to let me know he wasn't far. One of the swallowtail cocoons that had formed late last summer and overwintered hatched today, so we had the gift of releasing the first butterfly of the season into his garden. 🦋
I feel a lot of motherhood can be described with this: "The world is a place of suffering...a garden full of weeds we tend the best we can." ~. I will tend this life and this garden to grow good - good humans, good food, and goodness for our community.

04/15/2025

"When we practice pur capacity for joy, may we be shocked that in a world of heartbreak that we can be shocked at all." ~ , Everything Happens podcast
Dandelions bring me a new kind of joy. The bright yellow pop against a green backdrop. The knowledge that this will be the first nourishment for our bee friends. The heart swell when my daughters pick one for me. The love for the wild unkempt landscape where nature thrives.
This weekend left me feeling content, even in the grief-filled spaces where contentment isn't supposed to live. ❤️

04/07/2025

A weekend of joyful local things...
Kicked off leading Seed Survivor lessons at one of our local elementaries on Friday to teach kids about soil health.
Saturday was a fun filled day with our oldest:
-An class about urban chickens
- A stop at and for lunch and a new book
- A visit to greenhouse to get some ideas for our front garden bed and for the class I'm leading at Wheatsfield in May
- Finally a stop at to wrap up our adventures
Sunday our youngest and I stopped out at the for some , puppy chow, and a grazer.
- Plus a visit to Bomgaars to look at chicks and dream a little. ;)
Wrapped the weekend with a little grocery shopping, time at the park, and supper at .
These are the moments I can rest in. ❤️

04/01/2025

Today, there should have been a toothless little boy sitting at our table excited to eat birthday cake. But instead, it was two little girls eating the leftovers from last night like any other average Monday. 6 years has gone so fast and so slow all at the same time. And the winding journey of grief always finds a way to creep back in when you least expect it.
But even on a day where there is sadness, there are the whispers that you are never far away. Like the butterflies decorating a school kitchen I stopped at or a colleague's desk in our office. The perfect new butterfly dress at the store for our older daughter to wear as she starts to understand more about who you are. Or the last bottle of butterfly sprinkles on the shelf.
So tonight, I'll be Noah's mom by watering the seedlings that will soon be tucked into his garden and redrawing my plans for the space for the 3rd time. It's the best way I know how. ❤️

03/31/2025

"Today only 2 percent of Americans live on farms or ranches, but we have not lost our need to be among green things." - Margaret Renkel

Last week, cut yet another highly impactful program for next year with uncertainty for future funding: The Patrick Leahy Farm to School Grant program. These grants encouraged schools and non-profits to teach kids about one of the few things that everyone needs to survive - the food they eat each day. This program has been around since the Obama administration - it is not new like the and programs.

While some will argue grants are not a sustainable way to run a program, it is the nudge to plant an idea. To give the right conditions for that seed to take root and grow into something beautiful. These grants are why the district I work for has a Farm to School program that continues to this day - even though our grant funding ended 2 years ago.

I can not and will not stop talking about Farm to School. When we talk about what matters in education, it is this. It is exposing kids to new foods they may never try at home. It is giving kids the confidence to grow their own food. It is teaching them the foods that will nourish their bodies. These are skills and knowledge kids will carry with them for the REST OF THEIR LIVES.

I feel Noah's nudges every time I meet with a school building who wants to start a garden or when I teach students about nutrition in gardening. I know in my heart this is the right work. Even when everything stands in opposition.

"In almost every situation where something is loud, obnoxious, and seemingly ubiquitous, resistance is an option." - Margaret Renkel

We must be louder than the noise being created right now. For the sake of our kids.

03/22/2025

A gardener plants seeds with the hope that they will grow. Today, I went with a group of people to hopefully plant seeds in the minds of our federal elected officials to protect important programs, including school meals and SNAP amidst a proposed budget resolution from the House that requires to cut $230 billion from their budget.
The school meals provision will cut budgets by making schools with fewer than 60% of their student directly qualified for free meals automatically ineligible to participate in CEP. had lowered the threshold to allow for schools in states with policies to utilize federal funds and reduce a state's cost in implementing the program.
The provisions also require verifying income for 100% of applicants. While verification is important for program integrity, we are already verifying a sample of applications and can mark applications for verification if necessary. This will put additional administrative work on school staff and divert attention away from our mission of feeding kids.
There are also an additional 10 million cuts over the next 10 years, with no clarity of where those cuts will happen. With skyrocketing food prices, federal reimbursements are varely enough to cover the costs of running our programs as is. Not to mention the cuts to local food funding that will make purchasing local foods out of reach for many schools.
In Iowa alone, 28,000 kids will lose access to free meals if implemented.
We spoke to staffers and shared our concerns. Will it make a difference? I don't know, but I know from the group here that there is hope that good people can make good in the world. And on the way home, I got a nice little Noah nudge, which makes all the hard work feel right. ❤️

03/19/2025

Last Monday, cut $11 million in funding for the Local Food for Schools and Local Food Purchasing Assistance program in Iowa. These programs allowed schools and food pantries to purchase local, Iowa-grown foods from farmers and get them to kids and our most vulnerable Iowans. And it all comes too late. Farmers have ordered the seeds, planted the plants, put locker dates on the calendar, all for a market that is no longer going to be as robust as it was with this funding. I think what stung the most was hearing say that this was an "nonessential program" and that taxpayers dollars were not reaching their intended target, when we know this program put money into the pockets of small farmers who are at a disadvantage.
School nutrition department budgets are tight and getting tighter as food prices increase faster than our federal reimbursements. Local foods can be more expensive than what a school can get from farms in California and large-scale beef ranches in Texas; our farms aren't at that scale. But programs like LFS and LFPA have built capacity for our producers and food hubs. They've been able to buy equipment, invest in storage, develop distribution routes, and hire staff to meet the demand from schools with the expectation that the market would continue to be there.
So for the folks that read this, NOW is the time to find your local producers, your farmers markets, your food hubs that sell to consumers, and the grocers that sell Iowa-grown foods and buy from them. Might it be more expensive? Potentially. But each dollar you are spending is an investment in our state and the people who literally feed US, right here. It is a vote that speaks so loudly in the ears of legislators, large businesses, and those who have the power to make real food system transformation in our state.
I hold on to hope that there will be change, and we will get to continue to see Iowa foods on trays in school cafeterias.

03/17/2025

Bubbles is really putting in the work. Baked some tasty discard recipes this weekend and last:
Chocolate zucchini muffins with Rinehart's Family Farm zucchini frozen from last summer
Pumpkin bread from pumpkin puree
Brown butter chocolate chip cookies - where has browned butter been all my life?! (recipe from
Banana cinnamon foccacia (recipe from ), which then turned into some of the best French toast sticks that we served with Shivers Farms eggs and Great River Maple syrup
Plus, I baked probably my best sourdough loaf yet. She's definitely a looker 😍
Wrapped the weekend with some work time at where the girls got plenty of quality cat time 🥰

03/11/2025

Had a little girls' day with our younger daughter this past weekend. We planted seeds with , had lunch at , and stopped for some goodies from . Normally, she is the one who hangs back with daddy while her sister and I go out, but it was about time she had a turn now that she's a big kid.
There is a special kind of heartbreak when you watch your littlest baby become a big kid. She's curious and likes having her nails painted. She loves to explain things to us and do it all herself. She doesn't need me as much (and tells me that to my face). While it can be hard, it is a gift to see the person she is becoming.
I can't wait for many more of these days while I am still cool enough to hang out with. ❤️

03/04/2025

Every year on March 3rd, this picture pops up in my Facebook memories. It shows a Facebook story I posted on this day, though the original post was deleted years ago as we waded in deep grief. It catches me off guard a little every time because that was one of the last moments where I felt pure joy and excitement in pregnancy. Where my naivety obscured what would come in the following weeks.
We had made it to 13 weeks; it was safe to announce it. I remember laying out the square of fabric, setting the letters and ultrasound just perfectly on the board, and arranging the layout just right to get the perfect picture to post. A couple of days later, I began what would be 4 weeks of off-and-on bleeding that would eventually lead us to a middle of the night delivery of a son we would never hear.
Today, I tried to zoom in on the picture to try to see the outline of Noah's face a little clearer. To be a little closer to him for a moment. After the initial wave of sadness, I thought about how much he has changed our lives for the better. Making us into kinder people, squeezing the girls amd each other a little harder on the tough days, and giving us purpose in life. Tonight, I decided to continue to from grief and plant a few of what will be many seeds this season and to write this post to remember just how far we have come since this day 6 years ago. ❤️

The Utensil Drawer

09/01/2025

06/10/2025

05/12/2025

04/15/2025

04/07/2025

04/01/2025

03/31/2025

03/22/2025

03/19/2025

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03/04/2025

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