Stahr Mary Ellen LCSW

09/23/2023

Connected Parenting. ❤

09/23/2023

This. With eternal thanks to Fred Rogers 💙

via Fred Rogers Institute

09/23/2023

05/07/2023

Enforceable Statements:
Effective People Never Set Limits Over Things They Cannot Control

05/07/2023

👊👏👏👏

02/26/2023

My son and I were walking in our neighbourhood last summer when a father and little boy walked past us. The little boy was crying. The father said to the little boy, “Stop crying or your mother is going to hear about this when we get home.”
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I said nothing to my son and we kept walking.

Moments later my six-year-old said, “Why did that Dad tell the boy to stop crying? You can’t just stop crying when there’s a reason. You have to get the tears out. Why did that Dad even want him to stop crying?”

Our kids are wise. And when we parent through a relationship that is unafraid of tears and feelings of any kind, our kids don’t become scared either. They see them as normal. Sad, angry and frustrated are just as valid and necessary as their “positive” counterparts.

Just as the waves are not the ocean, our children are not their emotions. Their emotions pass and we need to learn to ride the waves, rather than try to bend reality. Many of us were raised to stuff “negative” emotions deep down where they couldn’t be seen. And so we repeat it, without a conscious thought.

Or we try to fix it by distracting our kids to make the hurt go away because it feels painful for us to see our kids in pain. But more often than not, what I’ve found is that when I allow my son to feel disappointment or sadness and walk through it with him, he bounces back far quicker than I expected.

We allow our kids to become resilient when we make space for their emotions. When we’re brave enough to sit with a crying child, whether in our living rooms or on the sidewalk, we validate their feelings.

They learn that we have their backs, that they’re not alone with their emotions and when we hold them up to the light together, rather than make them hide alone in dark places, they’re not so scary after all.



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🌻Peaceful parenting resources: http://t.co/T8goym3P6Z 🌻
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www.LRKnost.com

Fighting a rare, incurable cancer, but I'm still here!💞 L.R.

09/01/2022

I post this periodically because I think it is a WONDERFUL reminder of living LIFE with the right perspective! I chose row 1 always, and this just makes me smile! Have the best day ever! For more inspirational quotes visit motivation-forever.com/quotes

08/28/2022

Keeping ourselves accountable shows our kids how to do the same.

I love this from Janelle Scales ❤️ (a great person to follow!)

08/19/2022

When I am scared and anxious, I get controlling and mean.

Yes, that is hardly the kind of thing a person wants to admit—but that truth has helped connect and heal my family like no other discovery I’ve ever made.

Recently, I had the honor of sharing a bit about this discovery on a fabulous podcast that invites the guest to give 3 takeaways in 30 minutes.

Here is an excerpt from my second takeaway: Fear wears disguises:

“All of a sudden, I could look back on some of my most shameful parenting incidents and see them in a whole new light.

I’d always wondered how I could be so mean and controlling to the people I love. To realize it was fear and anxiety surfacing in those moments was life changing. ‘When I get controlling and mean, I’m anxious about something.’ I’d never put that together before. Not only did that spark greater self-compassion, but it also helped my family know how to best support me (and eventually themselves) in challenging moments.

When they saw me engage in harsh, micromanaging-type behaviors, that was their cue. Gently and kindly (because otherwise I wouldn’t have heard him), they’d say, “I can see you’re feeling anxious about something”—and then came the magic words: “How can I help?”

Our family has learned to rely on that phrase, and it’s been so helpful as my older daughter prepares to go to college for the first time. When she gets agitated over something that seems trivial, I think: “This isn’t really about the socks, or the water bottle she can’t find, this is about fear of the unknown.”

From personal experience, I know the last thing a person needs in moments of struggle is, “Wow, you’re really overreacting over this,” or “Geez, calm down.”

Those responses are not going to ease the situation–in fact, they are only going to make the struggling person feel unseen and unheard. Recognizing that ‘fear wears disguises’ evokes a compassionate response – one that has been a game-changer in my family.” -RMS

Friends, I’d love it if you’d take a listen to this enlightening conversation I recently had with Rachel Nielson on the popular 3 in 30 Podcast.

The episode is called “3 Small Shifts that Lead to Soul Shifts,” and believe there is something here for everyone. My 3 takeaways were:

1. Connect with your inner child
2. Fear wears disguises
3. Honor your red flags

I deeply appreciate you reading, sharing, and valuing the work I do.

My hand in yours,
Rachel

To listen on Apple Podcasts >
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/3-small-shifts-that-lead-to-soul-shifts-rachel-macy-stafford/id1296627876?i=1000576104881

To listen on Spotify >
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1elsZyzmhSrEtSTm30xHcM

08/13/2022

People pleasers everywhere for your thoughtful consideration...

Yes 🙌 love this. Thank you The Hands Free Revolution

07/23/2022

Dear Parents and Families,

The passing of HB1557 Parental Rights in Education has resulted in confusion, anxiety, and uncertainty surrounding the implementation of best practices for our LGBTQ+ youth. If you are experiencing concern for the wellbeing, health, and safety of your child as the 2022-2023 school year approaches, you are not alone.
In order to provide further support to families looking for guidance, the TransAction Parent Network is providing a virtual Zoom webinar on Thursday, August 11, 2022, from 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM. This information session will include a panel of experts who specialize in navigating the current legal implications of HB1557 with an emphasis on continuing to provide supportive and inclusive practices that we know are so helpful to our youth and families. The focus of this zoom will be on the current laws in place to protect our LGBTQ+ students in schools.

This webinar is FREE, and you can click HERE to register.

https://equalityflorida.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZIkd-utrToqG9fOXMVXZFwTPnMkUTd4XqKI

A copy of the event flyer is also attached to this email.

Please share this information with others who may be interested!

https://equalityflorida.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZIkd-utrToqG9fOXMVXZFwTPnMkUTd4XqKI

07/22/2022

❤️

07/03/2022

Clients can improve depressive symptoms, develop positive relationships and address loneliness, grief and loss.

04/16/2022

“When you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You’re too this, or I’m too this.’ That judging mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”
– Ram Dass ❣💫☮

04/03/2022

Wisdom to learn and live by!

*The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz*

I read this beautiful book sometime back and it has indeed made an impact on me and my perspective of Life. Presenting a summary of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

The Four Agreements draws on the long tradition of the Toltecs, an ancient, indigenous people of Mexico, to show you that we have been domesticated from childhood, how these internal, guiding rules hurt us and what we can do to break and replace them with a new set of agreements with ourselves.

The Four Agreements are :

Agreement 1: Be Impeccable With Your Word.

The First Agreement is to be impeccable with your word, and never use it against yourself or others. What does “impeccable” mean? In this context, it comes from a Latin word that means “without sin”. Being impeccable with your internal language means not judging or blaming yourself. Simply having those thoughts means you’re sinning against yourself. You need to change this, and start telling yourself how great you actually are, and giving yourself some TLC

Agreement 2: Don't Take Anything Personally.

When people are rude to us, it can often stay in our mind for too long, and we constantly repeat the words in our heads. When you take things personally, you begin inadvertently agreeing with the slight and making it yours, even if it had nothing too do with you.

The reality is that nothing people say or do to you is actually about you – it’s all about them.

When you get upset by something someone said to you, it’s about your own fears and experiences, which makes it essential to deal with this.

Overcoming this issue means you have to know who you are, because then you don’t need to have other people’s acceptance, and nothing they say will hurt you. Everyone looks at the world from a different viewpoint, and you should also recognize your own perspective in this.

Agreement 3: Don't Make Assumptions.

The Third Agreement tells us that instead of making assumptions, we should ask questions instead.
We often jump to conclusions and make assumptions that are wildly wrong. If you say “hi” to a friend, and they don’t reply, you would perhaps make the assumption that they were mad at you without any real evidence.

When you have trouble understanding something, you assume you know what it means. When things become clear, you can see that it means something else entirely.

Agreement 4: Always Do Your Best

The Fourth Agreement shows you how to put the first three into practice. This agreement is to always do your best, even if your best constantly changes.
If you were told to always do your best as a child, it was actually sound advice. Doing your best depends on the situation you are in, and is not a one-size-fits-all thing. On certain days your best will be world-beating, and on others maybe it’s just a struggle to get something positive done, but you do something.

To do your best, you should do things because you want to, not because of external motivation like a paycheck.

If you love the job or task you’re doing, you’ll do your best without even trying. Your work will feel effortless and you’ll perform much better. This final agreement will help you to increase the power of the other agreements, while freeing yourself from old patterns.

*About Don Miguel Ruiz*

Don Miguel Ruiz is a Mexican author whose work is inspired by Toltec spiritualist and neoshamanistic texts. He uses ancient teachings to strive for spiritual enlightenment. In 2018, he was listed as one of Warkins’ 100 most spiritually influential living people

Source : https://satoristudio.net/the-four-agreements-summary/

das

04/01/2022

Self deprecating talk can be self abuse.

How you talk to yourself becomes a command to your mind.

I'm never failed to be amazed what people tell themselves on a daily basis.

It is literally self abuse. I have clients tell me on their first session some horrendous things.

This week clients have told me.

* I'm stupid
* I won't see Xmas
* I'm useless
* I can't do anything right
* I don't have a brain

What you tell yourself goes into your inner computer and your mind tries to get you that result.

Be kind to yourself. Tell yourself nicer things. Be your own best friend.

Your mind will always work towards the things you think about.

Steve