Taylor McCaulley, M.S., PLPC

01/27/2023

01/07/2023

Controlling behaviors are safety seeking behaviors.

When we don’t feel safe or able to cope, we can enter a state of hypervigilance.

Unconsciously, our nervous system and brain uses control as a way to say:

- “I can’t let anything I cannot predict happen, it left me hurt in the past.”

- “I must control everything around me, that’s how I stay safe.”

Internally, many of us are still that little child hiding in our room, feeling helpless.

And what do children who once felt helpless on a regular basis become as adults: “control freaks” or perfectionists.

It’s our body attempting to protect us.

The work is learning how to create safety in our body.

Learning how to create clear boundaries (few of us had these in childhood), how to regulate our emotions, and how to notice when we’re going into controlling autopilot.

This is when we can ask: what need can I meet for myself? Or how can I move my body to disengage from this cycle?
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We love this acronym by L.R.Knost - Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources

These are guidelines that can guide both our parenting and caregiving practices.
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