Kaye B. Williams Counseling

11/04/2025

We are carried. Thanks from us at www.thegoodgriefproject.co.uk sara_rian_books

11/04/2025

The partner who is sharing their experience (emotional attachment system) in a conversation is the mission, and they need their partner's caregiving system. When the listening partner responds with a "but" they are introducing their own emotional system, shifting the mission and blocking their caregiving system. Bad timing! BUT = BLOCKED CAREGIVING

11/03/2025

11/02/2025

Co-regulation isn’t about fixing someone.
It’s about showing up — calm, steady, and present — so their nervous system can remember what safety feels like.
That’s what secure attachment really is: not perfection, but presence.

11/01/2025

Yup. So sorry.

A narcissist’s timeline:
Love bomb. Control. Destroy. Play victim. Call you crazy. Tell everyone they tried their best.

This is the pattern they follow almost like clockwork, and it’s exhausting because it feels personal, like it’s about you — but it’s really never about you. At first, they sweep you off your feet with charm, attention, and grand gestures. You feel seen, adored, and like you’ve finally found someone who understands you. They make everything feel effortless, like you’re the only person in the world that matters.

Then slowly, almost imperceptibly, control creeps in. They decide what’s acceptable, who you can trust, and even how you feel about yourself. Gaslighting becomes the norm: your emotions are wrong, your perceptions are skewed, and your reality is questioned. Every kind thought you have about yourself starts to erode under their manipulations.

Once they’ve isolated your sense of self and dependency has grown, the destruction begins. They criticize, belittle, and push your boundaries until you’re emotionally drained. And when you start to resist, when you finally set a boundary, they flip the story. Suddenly, they are the victim. You are “too sensitive,” “overreacting,” “crazy,” or “ungrateful.” Friends, family, and colleagues are slowly drawn into their narrative.

Finally, when everything is said and done, they make sure the world sees them as the one who “tried their best.” The heartbreak, confusion, and trauma you experience are invisible to everyone else. They are experts at crafting a public image of innocence and effort while leaving destruction in their wake.

This isn’t love. It’s a calculated cycle of charm, control, and manipulation designed to make you doubt your own reality while they maintain power and a spotless reputation. And the scariest part? They repeat it over and over, to anyone who falls into their orbit.

10/30/2025

Without an anchored sense of self, we lose perspective easily. We confuse feedback with rejection, accountability with shame, or curiosity with criticism. Without the capacity to move through shame and fear, we become reactive and defensive, unable to tolerate our own humanness while holding ourselves with compassion and grace. And without a regulated nervous system, even well-meaning conversations can feel threatening and unsafe, pushing us into self protection.
- Vienna Pharaon

10/28/2025

10/25/2025

If you find yourself questioning whether you should continue a conversation with someone in your past that has hurt you badly, remember that ABUSE is a transaction requiring two people to complete it. You might want to choose GRAY ROCK instead.

10/24/2025

Learning how this type of attachment style develops is truly healing and can help you understand a lot about your relationship.

10/21/2025

Some thoughts on destroying perfectionism: https://incidentalcomics.substack.com/p/destroying-perfect