12/31/2025
December 31, 2025
Happy New Year’s Eve
The Universe Began leaning Toward Me
there was a time when I thought the universe was indifferent.
Then there was a time I thought it was cruel.
Only later did I realize it had been intimate all along.
Pronoia(a word i just learned) is the belief that the universe is plotting in your favor.
Not in a shallow, glittery way. But in the kind of way that breaks you open, rearranges your insides, and rebuilds you with more truth than comfort.
My life did not unfold gently. It unfolded precisely. Every delay, every closed door, every loss that felt personal~it all carried fingerprints I couldn’t see at the time.
I mistook resistance for rejection. I mistook silence for abandonment. I mistook struggle for punishment.
But the universe was not against me. It was shaping me.
The trials arrived like storms with no warning.
Losses stripped away identities I thought I needed to survive.
People I loved fell away.
Certainties collapsed. Plans dissolved mid-sentence.
I asked, more than once,
“Why does it have to be this hard?!!!”
And the universe answered~not with words, but with pattern.
Each tribulation removed something false. Each heartbreak freed an attachment. Each moment of exhaustion forced me to listen instead of push. I learned that pronoia doesn’t look like ease at first.
It looks like initiation.
Because the universe doesn’t conspire for your comfort~it conspires for your becoming.
The victories didn’t arrive as fireworks. They arrived as quiet shifts.
The day I trusted my own knowing. The moment I chose myself without apology. The hour I realized I was still standing~and wiser.
I noticed how help arrived just before collapse. How insights came after surrender.
How what I lost made room for what I could finally hold.
The universe had been arranging encounters, lessons, endings, and rebirths with astonishing patience.
It removed what couldn’t walk with me into my next becoming. It delayed what would have arrived too small. It rerouted me away from lives that would have dimmed me.
Even my pain had intelligence. Yes, you read that right. Especially my pain.
Now I see it~Every trial trained my strength.
Every tribulation taught discernment.
Every victory~no matter how small~proved alignment.
Pronoia( my new favorite word) isn’t blind optimism.
It’s earned trust.
It’s knowing that even when I didn’t understand the plan, I was never outside of it. That the universe wasn’t testing me~it was initiating me into self-trust.
And now, when something falls apart, I pause. I listen. I ask not, “What did I do wrong?”
But, “What is rearranging in my favor?”
BECAUSE I have lived long enough to recognize the pattern~The universe does not waste my suffering.
Instead, It converts it into wisdom. It returns it as power. It crowns me with insight I could not have earned any other way.
This is pronoia.
Not the absence of struggle~But the deep, unwavering knowing
that even the hardest chapters were written
with me, not against me.
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I am trying to get my algorithm going.
