06/17/2025
When an executive functioning misfire resulted in me missing an important meeting recently, I spiraled with self-criticism. But later that day the song “Believe In Yourself”, from the iconic 1978 film “The Wiz”, came up on my playlist’s shuffle-mode. Sung by the incredible Lena Horne (who will always be the *real* Glinda, the Good Witch of the South to my childhood self!) - her voice filled me like a balm.
I imagined a benevolent wise and compassionate elder, like Lena Horne’s Glinda the Good Witch of the South. A fairy-great-godmother guiding me on my journey through life, believing in me even with my many imperfections, and who wants to TELL me about how much they believe in me! And - doing such a good job of telling me that I start to believe in myself too!
Whew! It was such a powerful moment of self-compassion it moved me to tears.
And I thought - what if all parents offered themselves that same kind of BIG love when they fall short in parenting? Imagine some benevolent person - someone who loves you in real life, or someone you make up - but someone who you KNOW believes in you no matter what. Some inner figure who can remind you that even when you struggle, you’re still worthy of love, and of belonging.
The@circleofsecurity parenting intervention reminds parents that a child needs their attachment figure to “delight in them” - ESPECIALLY when they’re struggling. *Parents need the same thing when they’re struggling*. Newsflash: You have attachment needs just like your kid does. And you can fill those attachment needs with an inner attachment figure of your choosing! That’s one facet of reparenting yourself. You can yourself the compassion you’ve always needed. The same compassion you strive to give your children.
And it’s not lost on me that this soul-soothing moment of self-compassion came through Black music. The song “Believe In Yourself” was written, arranged, and performed by Black artists - Lena Horne’s voice, the gospel-infused orchestration, the lyrics brimming with ancestral love. This is the power of Black musical genius that restores, affirms, and guides you home to yourself. During Black Music Month, I’m reminded that Black musical traditions have always offered portals to self-love, resistance, hope, and healing. What a gift! 💛💫
Want more tips from Dr. Coor or have a burning parenting question you want answered?
*Sign up for the Brooklyn Parent Therapy newsletter - link in comments.
*Check out the Project Parenthood podcast - link in comments.
*Reach out to Dr. Coor’s private practice, Brooklyn Parent Therapy - link in comments.
*Leave a comment or question on this post!
*photo credit: film still
“The Wiz”
Lumet, S., Ross, D., Jackson, M., Russell, N., Pryor, R., & Brown, W. F. (1978). The Wiz. Widescreen ed. Universal Home Video.