LeLyne D. Joyner, MA LMFT

09/25/2024

Showing respect for another person should never be dependent on if they treat us well.

We can show respect to them without respecting their actions or attitude.

Setting up boundaries or lessening effort is different than treating someone poorly because they treated us poorly.

What I'm referring to is feeling disrespected by someone and using it as an excuse to disrespect them back.

That creates anxiety because we are waiting on another person's actions before we decide how we are going to live.

We are giving all our power and autonomy over to someone else.

Let's normalize taking our power back and deciding ahead of time how we are going to treat those around us and ourselves.

What is the best way to outwardly represent your heart to the world?

Focus on that.

Let them do what they will do.

Keep your power.

Be you.

❤🔥🦅

09/04/2024

"I don't like women. They're manipulative. I prefer friendships with men."

"I'm done with dating for good...men just want s*x."

"I will never trust anyone again."

"I only depend on myself."

I've heard all of these many, many times.

And all come from valid wounds and experiences that have taught us to expect the same from others in our future.

Yet, none are ways we create healing.

Closing ourselves off for a bit does have the potential to cultivate a safe space of growth and forgiveness if we discipline ourselves to focus on therapeutic practices.

However, a lifestyle of close-mindedness and guarded attitudes only isolate us and can cause resentment and bitterness.

We are hurt profoundly in relationships and we are deeply healed in relationships.

First, in our relationship with God and ourselves is where healing begins.

From the inside out.

And then, another healing takes place when we choose to trust again in humans.

There are some triggers from trauma that can only be healed when we are experiencing the same situation in which our wounds took place.

A romantic relationship.

A mother figure.

An authority figure.

A friend of the opposite s*x.

It's important we take the brave steps to trust again.

Otherwise, we risk a false belief that everyone in a certain category of people will hurt us in the same way.

And that is unhealthy and emotionally unintelligent.

If you're wanting help navigating an issue that is keeping you isolated and focused on avoidance based on hurt, I would love to help you through it and into a freedom past your hurts.

Your pain is valid.

Your hurt is real.

After it is honored, it needs to be let go.

So it no longer controls and guides you.

You deserve freedom from it.

It's going to take some work.

Some brave choices.

Stepping out of your comfort zone repeatedly.

But it will all be worth it.

You are far stronger and wiser when you walk in courage than when you walk in fear.

❤🔥🦅

08/30/2024

Avoidance is easy and comfortable in the moment.

But it rots relationships from the inside out.

It steals our inner peace long-term.

Some of us self-sacrifice for the comfort of others.

And allow ourselves to become internally miserable and resentful while the other person remains oblivious to what we are carrying.

I used to live this way.

Until one day, I realized I wasn't loving myself or the other person well by avoiding telling them how I was truly experiencing our interactions.

Since I've begun to tell people how I really feel, I've lost friends and family, I've been called aggressive, passive-aggressive, one who plays victim, I've been avoided, etc.

It's not been easy and it has felt at times that I'm making messes that feel selfish.

But, it's been so freeing in a way I'm not sure I can describe.

And I'm now surrounded by deep, transparent relationships that feel so life-giving and anything is safe to discuss.

I'm no longer pretending and afraid of being genuine at all times.

If you've experienced this avoidance in your own life, chances are you grew up in a home or lived in a marriage where you felt a responsibility to regulate the emotions of others.

In order to avoid abandonment, betrayal, or rejection by them, you abandoned yourself.

The truth is, at any point, anyone can leave you, even if you bend over backwards so they won't.

Being authentically yourself and humbly and respectfully telling people how you feel is so vital to your health in all ways - even your physical health depends on it.

If you'd like to take the journey of choosing the discomfort and authenticity over avoidance and people-pleasing with those around you, I'd love to help you.

It's a journey I know well.

DM me anytime.

The freedom is so worth it.

❤🔥🦅

08/08/2024

Good morning, loves!

❤🔥🦅

07/24/2024

What we run from tends to have the most power over us.

When we face the discomfort, difficult conversations and realizations, we take our power back and healing has space to grow.

Choose the temporary discomfort over long-term pain and self-abandonment.

You're worth it.

❤🔥🦅

06/14/2024

You're not a control freak.

You're most likely stuck in a survival mode

that you subconsciously created during a traumatic time

and you simply need help

1. to gain the awareness of what trauma you experienced,

2. to pinpoint what triggers your desire to control of instability,

3. and help navigating how to get out of it

so you can create patterns of trust instead.

You're not doing it for no reason.

If you'd like help in creating a lifestyle of trust instead of anxiety, message me!

❤🔥🦅

06/06/2024

When we pacify someone in an emotionally or physically intimate relationship, we create a false narrative that is stressful to maintain.

Let's try healthy spouse, healthy marriage.

Happiness comes and goes in life and in relationships.

Being open, honest and upfront will bring a long-term foundation of trust and peace.

It might not feel comfortable in the moment, but it is the only way to truly love someone.

Don't choose momentary comfort over health.

❤🔥🦅

06/04/2024

This includes when you look in the mirror as well, love.

❤🔥🦅

06/01/2024

Ever wonder why your partner keeps bringing the same issue up over and over?

This is why...

Most of the time, your partner will continue to bring an issue up if they do not feel truly understood.

And if one is not deeply understood, one subconsciously feels there is a strong likelihood the hurt will happen again.

And as a result, they will continue to bring up the issue until they feel understood.

It is brave of them.

It is the only way to protect the relationship.

Take time to truly listen to hear in order to understand.

Do not defend yourself, minimize or rationalize.

Empathize instead.

Try to understand.

Breathe deeply.

Seek to see from their perspective.

Humble yourself and strive to learn.

Your perspective is not always complete.

Your duty in the relationship is to protect when you are able.

Ask if you heard them correctly and do not form an opinion until they have told you that you are able to articulate their perspective accurately.

Slow down your communication.

Love them enough to learn them.

05/22/2024

Just like a bruise on the body,

an emotional wound won't heal if it keeps getting hit in the same spot.

Distance is vital when relationships keep wounding us and the other person refuses to change with you to stop the recurrence.

The boundary must be set for you to process the hurt and forgive.

Allowing the pain to continue dishonors you and the other person.

Give yourself space to evaluate the reason the relationship is so painful and unhealthy, to forgive the person and yourself, and then decide if reconciliation is possible.

The distance may not need to be permanent.

Forgiveness is a one person job.

Reconciliation takes consistent and purposeful action on both sides.

And sometimes, that is just not going to happen.

You both deserve healthy relationships.

But you can only control you.

Focus on what you can do.

Set boundaries that allow you to think clearly.

Process through the hurt.

Maintain the boundaries.

Forgive them and yourself.

Let in the peace and joy forgiveness brings.

Re-evaluate boundaries.

DM me for help in navigating this vital process.

Let's create the life you want.

❤🔥🦅

05/21/2024

Forgiveness isn't about them.

Or what they did.

It's about safeguarding your heart and mind from the domino effect.

Unprocessed hurt turns into anger.

Stagnant anger turns into resentment.

Untouched resentment turns to bitterness.

Bitter people are miserable and unable to love fully.

Forgiveness is saying...

"My pain is valid."

"My heart deserves to be protected."

"What you did was not okay and I will not live under the effects of it."

It's not about them.

It's about you choosing the life you want to create.

Choose the hard work now to live in the peace later.

I would love to guide you through this process.

My DMs are always open.

❤🔥🦅

05/17/2024