John Sommer Counseling

12/05/2025

A New Jersey-bound airplane that suddenly plunged thousands of feet in the air — sending 15 people to the hospital in October — was likely struck by cosmic rays from a star that exploded in another galaxy, according to space experts.

The JetBlue Airbus A320 flight was hit by a stream of high-energy particles from a distant supernova blast that traveled millions of years, according to Clive Dyer, a space and radiation expert from the University of Surrey who spoke to space.com
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Any of them turn invisible? Stretch like crazy? No "Things" I'm guessing, but secretly, I always wanted to be the Human Torch. However, if I have to drop 1000s of feet, I'll stick with ol' plain jane John

11/24/2025

The Counseling Session That Helped Me Celebrate Thanksgiving
She came in ready to unload. It was appropriate considering she had a number of issues that were of concern. However, it was a difficult session as she never stopped to inhale for an hour. Finally I had to politely interrupt her to slow the flow of complaints. Without minimizing of any of her concerns, I told her I was needing to provide her at least an observation. Maybe even an idea or two. So when I stopped her and told her I was OK to just be her sounding board, but if she was seeking some possible solutions, I had som**hing to suggest. She agreed. So I asked her if she wanted to engage in a therapy experiment. I ventured: “for one day, 24 hours, I would like for you to reflect on how often you get negative and complain. Then, even in mid-sentence, stop and re-direct your comments. In other words, no complaining whatsoever for 24 hours. The point is to see how much of your life has become negative. You don’t have to start liking negative stuff, just no complaining for a day”. She cautiously agreed.
Two weeks later she came in and said, “Are you trying to make me crazy or som**hing? You’re making me nuts. Because I messed up so much on the first day, I decided to do it the next. It’s killin’ me. Now I notice all the time when I’m constantly complaining”. Although this was not the completely expected outcome, we both found it interesting how we have to purposely make ourselves be positive. And that negative has become so easy. What the heck has happened to us?!
So here’s how I personalized this piece of advice for myself: on Thanksgiving I’m going to make it a personal day to concentrate on thanks giving. The pilgrims were probably brave folks, even with their weird hats. The Indians seemingly welcomed them, and of course got fleeced in the long run. But enough history…. I want a fun holiday. So on Thanksgiving I try to temporarily shut down my whining, and wallow in my gratitude. I’ll have to remind myself 500 times throughout the day, “what cool things am I grateful for?” Then really think about them for a while. Let me give you a couple of personal examples:
*My first public speaking gig was as a college senior. I was to give a five minute presentation about, of all things, juvenile delinquency; a topic which I had some personal experience in. In front of only eight other classmates, I crapped out. I couldn’t keep my voice from quivering. I couldn’t remember what to say, so I gave a lousy minute and a half presentation and got a D. Today I had a group of twenty, and it was like talking to a friend in my living room. Somehow I have developed into a public presenter, and I am amazed and very grateful.
*I was lost in the excitement and beauty of music by the age of 14. Although almost everyone my age has a big surround sound stereo, it’s only used for TV viewing. Any music, if any at all, has been relegated as background fill. As an older guy I still derive such pleasure from music, it is a constant joy. To this I am incredibly grateful.
*I only excelled at bowling and ping pong when I was younger. Well, music recognition too. Somehow, along the way I developed into a real counselor with decent credibility. How did this ever happen? It’s amazing.
Get it? It’s not an exercise of monotone recital of things-I-am-grateful-for, but rather a deep look into what cool stuff we hardly even pay attention to. Dig deep, give it lots of thought. After all, you have the entire Thanksgiving day to give thanks. It’s kinda disturbing it takes so much effort, but I’m ready to really celebrate Thanksgiving. So I’m going to chase away Mr. Whine and instead be Mr. Gratitude for a full day and start loving Thanksgiving again.
I’ll top it off with the big tasty bird. And the candied yams. And dressing. And cranber……

10/31/2025

Ya know, for a guy who hasn't watched any ball games throughout the year, I'm almost embarrassed about the level of excitement and enthusiasm I have at World Series time. This one has been full of greatness from both teams. If Toronto pulls this off, a few gamblers are going to be very wealthy. Viva la series!!

09/26/2025

Teen Social Issues

Hey John,
I haven’t seen your column in a while. Are you still around? Hoping that you are; I need an idea or two from you. I am the mother of 4 kids, ages 5-15. I am happily married and my husband and I do a pretty good job with our children. I am concerned about my 15 year old daughter. She’s bright, generally well behaved and a pretty good student. However, she had become very isolated in her existence. She is not interested in extra-curricular activities at school. When she gets home, she wants to live in her room with her phone. We monitor her phone for inappropriate sites, but she has still become more and more isolated. I fear for her eventually living a solitary existence, like an old woman with a house full of cats. Am I over dramatizing? If not, what can I do to help her?
Midwestern Mom

Dear MM,

Without meaning to minimize your concerns, welcome to the seemingly new world of teenagers. We can debate the origin of the prevalent social isolation: cell phones, post covid, single parenting, electronic babysitters, etc. However, it may be none of the above. Clinically, we should rule out depression. Although I recognize the problematic massive over-prescribing of anti-depressants to teens, the least we can do is check for vitamin deficiency. Vitamin D – or rather lack of it can be a major contributor to depression. Considering many teens lousy dietary habits as well as their non-sunlight indoor activities can lead to a deficiency in vitamin D.

In my years of working with teens, I have noted that some personality characteristics can be misinterpreted. A quiet, not very verbal child may look depressed or angry or unwilling to communicate. I have been surprised that what I initially interpreted as a disinterested 16 year old boy, who would rather be anywhere than with me, was quite willing to continue to come in. Although I would do a majority of the talking, his parents reported an improvement in his “attitude” at home. So, can counseling help, at least somewhat? Yes, but I feel strongly that the parents should meet with the counselor to routinely provide important information to the counselor and to determine whether he/she is a good fit for their child. So let’s get down to the nut crackin’:
* Parents should always have cell phone rules such as monitoring the frequency of use (at least to a certain degree) and rules about when the phone should be turned off. Provide a convenient “charging station” away from the child at night.
* Regardless of the lack of enthusiasm, have our kids participate in family activities. This can be cooking a meal together, bowling together, playing putt-putt golf, or Sunday movie night with some regularity. These activities provide a gently “forced” social interaction. Use your creativity to plan events. Do not be too disappointed if our child is not very enthusiastic about participating. Don’t get mad at your challenged kid, just lovingly stick to your guns.
* Recognize the differences between your kids’ personalities. Parents often have the challenge of one or more of their children that they have a hard time relating to. So what? How good of a parent do you want to be? Learn to adapt.
* Don’t forget about the vitamin D thing.

Even when it seems like our parenting is falling short, dedication, hard work, good role modeling and love have the deepest impact on the future of our children. You might get discouraged, but never give up. Ever.

John S. Sommer
LCSW
9/25

09/25/2025

Yes! "Hey John" is alive and well. Coming soon: What to do about my 15 year old who has become socially isolated? Stay tuned..

08/22/2025

To celebrate the 7th anniversary of my imaginarily-famous War On Dear Crabby, I will repost the abbreviated letter, and my response, via "Hey John". Is she still alive?

The Imaginary War With Dear Crabby, pt IV
8/23/2018
Ok y’all, let’s have a little talk here. I could make an additional career criticizing a millionaire “advice” columnist. Out of fairness, most issues she writes about are pretty lightweight, and she does ok. But the reality is, if your opinion is important to someone and carries some credibility, you are obligated to not let your own bias’ or personal preferences color your advice. More directly, you need to not be a knucklehead and screw somebody up. “For instance?” you might ask? Well folks, this is Crabigail’s column from August, 2018. Excuse the paraphrasing, but I’ll try to be accurate. Go ahead, sit down. Don’t read this while you’re driving.
Dear Ms. Crabby,
I’ve been married to my husband for 28 years. My (female) friend has been married for 30. Recently she gave me a soft kiss on the neck. I didn’t respond, but I can’t stop thinking about her. Can two straight women jump ship and fall in love with each other? Oh, Obi Wan, please help me. Tell me what to do.
Kissee
[Crabby’s abbreviated response]
Dear Ms Kissee,
Yes, people of the same s*x can fall for each other. I can’t tell you what to do. “Much will depend on what she has to say…..”
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[Sound of brakes slamming on: screeeeech!]. WHAT did you just say? Is that some mutated misprint? Ok Crabs, for the sake of equality, let’s change the genders around. “My film director came over and gave me a sloppy kiss on the neck. He knows how long I’ve been married. Is it ok for me to fall in love with him? Crabby, does he seem like a good guy to you? Should I leave my husband and kids for him? I sure could use your most important guidance. Do you think “much will depend upon what he has to say”?
So Jeannie, aka Dear Crabby Jr., at least consider this:
Dear Kissee,
At what point do we surrender to temptation? What did you teach your kids about using drugs? What about early s*xual activity? Did you try to instill principles to help them make conscientious decisions? Was it som**hing like, “son, if a m**h pipe appears at a party, you’re going to be faced with a decision. Should you just turn and leave? Should you use because other people are? Or use because you are tempted? We all face some tough decisions in our lives. I hope you make decisions that are consistent with your beliefs.”
Or som**hing like that.
It seems like when Crabby addresses Kissee’s same-s*x question, perhaps she thinks that taking a position might be viewed as anti-same s*x. So instead you advise her to wait until hot lips makes a decision about her? Most people make more competent decisions when they make them their selves.
You might want to also suggest that she have a little “needs love” discussion with husband of 28 years. She doesn’t have to bust hot lips, just have a loving talk with her husband. I’d hate to think that after 28 years, my wife and I couldn’t have meaningful discussions with each other. If she wants to jump the fence with neckkisser, she’s got lots of time to do it. Let’s try some problem solving first.
So Crabigail, it shouldn’t be all about the money. You may be pulling in a bunch of cash, but it is supposed to be about helping people. You don’t always have to be people’s moral compass, but you’re sure as hell not supposed to do harm. Some letters may be light and simple, but some are life-changingly serious. My unsolicited advice is add some people to your staff who have their feet squarely planted on the ground. Then you can get some additional ideas to consider. Either that or take your inappropriate big bucks and retire. Then do what your mother should have done and retire the name too.

John Sommer

Okie dokie F'book friends, it's that time again. Yes, it's time to dog a seventy-five year old columnist disguised as a pseudo counselor. The Imaginary War On Dear Crabby reaches new heights with this upcoming piece of wisdom she has dispensed. It goes to "press" on Friday,

07/05/2025

Denise and I took a trip to NYC for our 45th anniversary (6 years ago). We had numerous adventures. Interestingly, one of the one's that really stuck with me was a conversation with a Russian taxi driver. I want to re-name this: How A Nice Russki Helped Me.

I know I take the risk of alienating a few extra patriotic friends in saying this, but I’ve never been exactly “proud” to be an American. I know how blessed my life is living here, but being proud is associated with some kind of fine accomplishment, and I did nothing to be an American other than having the great fortune to have been born here. But then I met the Russian cab driver.

Denise and I were celebrating our 45th Wedding Anniversary by going to Manhattan for the first time as a married couple. We have lived in Central Texas for almost all of our married lives and have traveled quite a bit. As I hail from near San Francisco, we typically would rather travel to uncongested areas. Our first choice was to go to Glacier National Park. Incredibly, they were so packed, we could not get a room anywhere near the park. So instead of going to where we would be in a forest of trees, we opted to head to the place we would be in a forest of people. The amazing adventure of the people we met in New York City is another story in itself.

We traveled mainly in “ride share” accommodations (Lyft and Uber). With all the “cab” rides we took, we engaged most of our drivers in conversation. Every one of them came from foreign countries. One fella, Ivan, was really interesting; married with two pre-teen daughters and a wife who worked for a dermatologist. Now, this story is only properly significant if you can mentally put a strong Russian accent on him. I asked him where in Russia he was from and he said [remember the cool accent please], “The mountains of Russia. Do you know where Ural Mountains are?” When we told him we did, he was very pleased. “My mother and father still live there. I want my mother to come visit me but she is frightened of airplanes. My father was here last year. We had a nice time. When I spoke to my mother a few nights ago to ask her to come and visit, she started crying. So I will go back to see her.” When I commented about his very good English he said, “I took classes when I came six years ago and I like to talk with customers to help with my English. My friend lives in Russian area in Brooklyn. You know, in Brooklyn, people have areas of their own people. There are Jews, Italians, Chinese, many people. My friend only talks with Russians. After six years, all he can say in English is ‘ay-low’. I tell him he is stoopid. He must learn how talk and how to live here. You know, this is my country. I must get better and better.”

I was stunned as I had never heard anyone say that before: “This is my country”. Suddenly I thought how amazing it is that we are many people’s lifelong dream: to come to America. I was flooded with my first rush of pride that I am in the most desirable country in the world. I know, of course we have plenty to work and improve upon. I know that we are far from perfect. Nevertheless, to say with pride and deep affection, “This is my country” is profound, and we are blessed.

06/24/2025

I'm trippin' back a bit to an important experience. I wonder if John Banville remembers buying me a flute of champagne? I bet not. However, I've not forgotten.

All persons and situations reflected in these writings are pretty much fictional, based on generalizations over the course of many years of counseling. Any actual events or settings have been...

04/22/2025

This is a snippet from a book review in the Wall Street Journal. There are a couple of important points to consider. Excuse me now, but I need to shut down my computer and my phone for a while and think about stuff. Probably do a little daydreaming as well.
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"The paradoxical qualities of social media, which both alienate and connect, have been well-examined elsewhere. The accompanying phenomenon of mass loneliness, too. Ms. Rosen deserves praise for looking at areas of life that have been less frequently considered by those who ponder the disruptive effects of tech adaptations. The important things now vanishing, she notes, include spending unmediated time with others, stumbling upon serendipitous discoveries, drawing by hand, chatting with strangers and daydreaming.
Daydreaming, of course, can’t happen if a person picks up her smartphone for a micro-burst of entertainment the moment she has to wait in line at the supermarket; nor, buried in her screen, will she shoot the breeze with other customers or the cashier. Evidence marshaled by Ms. Rosen suggests that a person who doesn’t daydream is a person less inclined to introspection and invention.
When a person trades momentary boredom for a shot of screen-based dopamine, she gets the pleasure of escape but misses out on being awake and present in the moment and perhaps foregoes an insight or a recollection that would have added som**hing to her life. A person who avoids interacting with others fends off potentially awkward exchanges but may also gradually lose the skills to recognize social cues. There is an opportunity cost to picking up your phone."

04/18/2025

From a couple of years ago. From the Maverick Grill where the Stephenville road (281) meets I 20. I'd really hate a gas station owner chasing my car and shaking his fist at me.

04/02/2025

Stay tuned for a few days I will share a quote that may surprise you. It certainly did me.

04/02/2025

Am I off the air?