08/25/2023
Ok so, I'll try n start this thing off the right way, with some of my story, hoping to not get into to much detail. As well as maybe my story(is) may resonate with those that read it, or relate at the very least. And I'm definitely not trying to expose certain people from my personal life, past, present, and maybe future. I mean as in, scapegoating them. I think is what I'm getting at. Haha
Ok so, 1 of the 1st memories so have is me being bedside w a grandmother who was only in her 50s. Learned through time, she was an alcoholic for whatever reasons. Not my business. But, seeing n witnessing that death 1st hand is what I believe what sparked this brain I have, when it comes to that memory bank. R.I.P.
Also lived through my parents, that my father was/ and still is an abusive dick!!! I hate violence. And I'm not 1 to use the word hate n really mean it. But in hindsight, has taught me things I don't think I ever wouldve learned. Like how to give respect, want respect, and try n work through issues without getting all worked up(I am and will always will be working on that) needless to say, I remember being on the run from him, jumping through what I believe were halfway houses n that.
My ma remarried. Thankfully with a guy that wasn't that way. Not that I know much about it all, but not violent at all. Before 1 skip ahead, I was still really young n when an incident in school involved, an this part is really important to know, permission slips an skates, i was made to skate, lil girl stepped on my arm, an broke it in 2. Still remember her cute face when she did it. Was an accident of course. Went and sued the school. Ended up w around 20k that wasn't available to me until I was 18. Unless it was for school supplies an clothes n that. Every several months I could go get 300 for that. In any event......
Mom remarried to a guy that, while they were together, taught me so many things. Went to many places an learned a lot of things. Was a cub scout, in religion classes, all that good stuff. ☺️ where I learned a great deal with how to problem solve. Literally was 1 of 2 patches away from being a boyscout. In any event, went to a very safe safe school. Safe meaning, non of the bu****it we see today. Loved that school. Joined many after school sports and studies, like chess, tennis, etc etc. The main 1 was track/field cross country. At the age of 12 I learned that I was REALLY good at it. ECIC's good. 11mons 27seconds @ 12/13 yrs old. Evolved to the point where I had my sights set on the school record for the 2 mile. As long as I could keep chopping only 30 seconds a year off. Welp, that got scratched due to moving to another school. Which was pretty much my old schools rival. (That was fun😂) That school didn't have those distance running options. Thinking that's my ticket into a college.
That school let me down by not helping me evolve in the computer coding aspect. I ended up skipping half a day for over 6 months, until they caught me, because I already knew the basics of typing and coding. And they wanted me to complete a typing class. Mind you when I get bored, I like to sleep. Especially if I already have the know how to pass. In any event, was forced out. Stepdad passed away, was forced out, got my license, got a part time job etc etc. These things didn't last all that long. Ended up moreless moving out. Even if it was only upstairs from my mom n her new, now life love!!! Throughout all that, I've learned to be with, love so many different people. Not by choice. But that's not the point. Well get there. So, I went back around 18yrs old, got my GED without anyone referring to it all. Went got my confirmation to become an uncle in a sense. Because I was an only child. Got that cash, burnt through it relatively quick. Whatever. Oh, I also started working doing construction when I was around the time of getting the license. Realized that is not my life goal an what I will not retire from. Not to mention in most cases, attracted alot of drunks n potheads n who knows what else. I still learned a lot from them people, God rest their souls. Amen. As well as what not to do. Jumped from residential into industrial for a short. Mind you through all this, I was handling my love life, like a pimp. Not in definition. Because I never cheated, nor think to do that to anyone. But, the girls liked me, let's just say. And I was very sexual during that time, my teenage yrs. Never forced myself on anyone, always mutual, And I believe I still have their respect as a person, which meant the world to me. But absolutely NOTHING that an angel just recently swooped down said "hey" and BAM. Feels like I finally found my ying to my yang(pun intended🤣). 2001 comes, 9/11 happens. I switched into collections. Like Wolf of Wall st kind. With a very reputable name that's been around for a very long time as well as the people that were in it. That also taught me that business to help me succeed for as long as I did which was over a decade. Although I did always bounce back n forth from construction to collections(wasn't a great choice but) I gained even more freinds and acquaintances along the way.
During said collection days, those freinds thought I needed to start a real love life. A companionship. Not getting into details with all that, we hit it off, and for 9 yrs just about. I raised my child as well as hers. Skip ahead....... When a birthday came along, we split for whatever reasons I'm not getting into now, and well went to court, fought about custody as I had to pick my parents in the court in front of people when I was 5/6 yrs old. (Also remember that day n crying my eyes out) Anyways, noone could come to terms until I wrote out a schedule that was split right down the middle. It worked well for about 8 yrs.
(Now here comes the stuff why I made this page)
After the split, 6 months later, I was in a major car accident that flipped my truck upside down. Ended up with 2 screws an 6 plates in my neck, where everything connects to the shoulders n back n that. At that time I was making boocooo cash. Like 5k a month in collections. Was good stuff. But, I had to let it all go for my health n my future. The claim didn't get settled until the very furthest they could push it, 5 yrs I believe. Imagine trying to survive with your kid, not wanting to be a bother when it came to money. Yet still being able to give him the best life I thought a child should have. Teaching him all the traits needed to survive this tough ass world. Anyways, once the claim finally settled I ended up with a few hundred thousand. More less the money I lost from the 5 yrs I was outta work. Nothing more. Other then the surgery. That costed 10k. Which I still think to this day, isn't right. The math is there. 40k a yr x's 5 yrs, equalled what I got. Nothing for the pain n suffering n the fallout from it. Whatever. And then, my attny could've went for the whole shabang. Think it was like a mil. But anyways
During said process I was referred to and exposed to those Drs that just wanted to push those loritabs n oxis. Dr Gose n Dr grace. N yes I said refered to, by an attnys office. Which is still to this day not being addressed. That's another topic. Meanwhile looking for the right meds that my system can handle, that wasn't addictive, while staying or trying to stay with healthy choices, looking for the right avenue. Learned about beauorenorphine. Also learned how America combined it with naloxone for the addicts that had those demons. And that other countries used it, for just that. Pain management. Well, that smallest amount works to alleviate the pain. I also toked on the w**d. To try n help. Skipping ahead, 2015 when that settlement came in. My mother was diagnosed with leukemia. My ex sending me msgs about getting back together(kids mom) and well, I let my guard down. Got myself in a position that my kids mother decided to run w my kid with the courts, to take em away from me. Or the scenario I was putting him in. Regardless what it was, I was already at that time mentally unstable, due to recent unforseen circumstances, and let the demons run my life. Without feeling or regard of any sort of repercussions to come. With this all being said, yes you could say I was addicted to those for that time. I started to mess around w coke/Xanax/kolonopins. Trying to realize I was going down the wrong path more n more as the days went on. Gained to what I thought were new relationships, come to find out it was only for the money. I still feel bad an old roommate passed away shortly after all this went down, from an o.d. on he**in I guess, wasn't my thing but, I feel as if I'm the cause. Because I helped him n his baby girl out so much. So his children lost their father, etc etc. Went through all their horses**t system to try n beat those demons. IMO, why beat a dead horse. None of it worked for me. Nothing, not even therapists. I mean, not directly anyways. My personal page will reflect that. Since the breakup an car accident. This was when I jumped on here, Facebook itself. Not why, but yeah.
I've hung out with soooooooo many people from soooo many areas and regions and different walks of life. Lived in different states, hung out in Canada for yrs on the everyday. Something still called me back to where I live these days. Buffalo has it's goods and it's bads. As everything does. All the while, watched classmates and friends turn into addicts an well O.D then alot of died. I mean ALOT, I went to the funerals until it started to become a once a month thing. I just couldn't handle it anymore if I wanted to get, stay straight. Sober I mean. I don't do alcohol because of the past. It doesn't taste good anyways. Mean once in awhile. But that's it.
The saying goes, drink to celebrate happiness don't drink to become happy!!!
I'm not here to bu****it anyone or put a bullseye on anyone with all this. This is so y'all can get my simplest background, familiar with who I am n have gone through, and maybe relate too. Needless to say, my blood child lives states away, while the other 1 reached out to me some yrs back. Thankfully.
Guess what I'm getting at, is no matter the circumstances your going though, someone will always be here/there for you. You just need to realize your demons, faults, accept them, forgive but never forget, and just keep pushing forward with all your knowledge and might. During said tough times in life, be aware of your surroundings, the evil is just as much there as the good, if not more. Especially lately.
I will always be grateful for what I've been through, the relationships earned and lost, the experiences that I've been through and witnessed, and the ability to experience the different lifestyles when it comes to money. Well because having big money does have its advantages, it's not everything
Love all, live well, and just be you.
You've got this. I believe in you!!!!(words that aren't ever expressed anymore these days as much as they should be)
Peace 🙏
