12/06/2025
Life with no filter. It’s almost my 49th birthday.
On December 17, 2023, while settling in to watch tv, I had a sudden unexplained subarachnoid brain hemorrhage, a stroke in my language center, and a seizure so bad it dislocated my shoulders and caused part of my spine to shatter and my right shoulder to break in 3 places.
In December 2022, I had a stomach tumor removed with a long incision down the center of my body.
Clearly, the month of my birth has been historically rough for me.
Yet, here I stand, having fought my way back from being bed ridden or in a wheelchair, once unable to even dress or bathe myself, now functioning almost like before.
Almost. I am in pain 24 hours a day. I become easily fatigued. When I become too fatigued my brain goes blank and I lose the ability to communicate. No speech or slurring and stuttering.
But if I rest in between activities or patients, it can look as though I am just another healthy middle aged woman.
Yet, my function has been deeply curtailed and I have had to learn to adjust to and accept my limitations while simultaneously trying to expand what I can do and what is possible.
So, here I am a few days before my 49th birthday, no filter, aging without cosmetic procedures, more lines, more sagging, more spots, thinner hair…but proud of this face, because I earned it. In the nearly half century that I have been alive, I have birthed four children, fought hard against injustice, and continued to actively learn and grow and educate myself.
There is still so much I need to learn. So much I want to do.
I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for my work. I am grateful for healing. I am grateful to all those who have supported me and helped me to thrive.
Winter brings introspection and a strange vigor. We balance the robust chill and beauty of snow with the need to go inward, to nest, to gather with others for celebrations that remind us that light and warmth will return. And until then, we become the light and make the warmth ourself. Here’s to the hope this Dec will be generous and kind.