Stephanie Prince Ling, MS, LMFT

06/21/2024

Relationships take work period. Great read on the dynamics of being relational and what can impact connection.

“Intimacy is not just romantic or sexual—it's any relationship where we are truly being seen and seeing another,” explains Courtnay Meletta, PhD, LPCC, LMHC, an integrative psychotherapist and owner of a private group therapy practice in Los Angeles.

Becoming aware of the patterns in our relationships can be the first step to improving them. Every dynamic is different, but introspection and communication can help.

01/07/2023

It takes courage to walk away from toxic relationships, but it's the greatest act of self-love you'll ever commit.

11/25/2022

Great read for the holidays…

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10161991130176756&id=10643211755&mibextid=ncKXMA

Maintaining healthy boundaries is a way of taking care of your closest relationships, but setting those boundaries can be hard. The process starts with asking yourself what you need.

06/27/2022

Great steps towards recognition and attempts to reconcile secure attachment in your adult self ❤️

It all starts with self-regulation. Nothing works without it. Anxious and disorganised partners need to learn how to self-regulate so that they don’t get stuck ranting instead of setting healthy boundaries, repeating the same thing over and over, blaming, getting overly critical, chasing, filtering for the negative, seeking signs of abandonment, replacing “emotional” with “vulnerable,” etc.

Avoidant partners need to learn to self-regulate so they can start showing up emotionally, becoming assertive (setting healthy boundaries) instead of appeasing or shutting down, facing conflict, dealing with suppressed emotions, finding their vulnerability instead of staying stuck in their heads, etc.

All of these behaviours are driven by fear, not by the desire to connect. Only when one’s nervous system is able to get out of fear can connection be possible. Real solutions are found from a place of connection.

Once self-regulation is on board, the rest of these steps are fairly easy to work through.

And as always, please keep in mind that the goal isn’t to keep a relationship together; the goal is to create health for each partner and the relationship. For some, that might mean splitting up. This post was written for couples who are choosing to work on the relationship and stay together.

02/01/2022

01/13/2022

Really good reminders here 👇🏽

"One of my favorite strategies to teach people is that they’re actually allowed to pause difficult conversations. The Gottman Institute's research illustrates how we can become emotionally flooded and actually completely unable to communicate properly during emotionally charged conversations. This is why the whole “don’t go to bed angry” advice is actually super flawed. You can and should take breaks when you’re overwhelmed and talking about something hard.

I know some of us want to finish convos like NOW and we want a resolution. So, when someone asks you to table a conversation or to take a break, it can really create anxiety.

Whenever you decide you need a break, it’s important to address it, make it clear, and give some type of security that you will be returning to the conversation later. The goal here is to create safety, calm down, and come back to it later. This isn’t the strategy to use when you want to avoid talking about something and brush it under the rug.

If you need more time than you initially said, fine. Tell them! What’s important here is that you’ve stated your need, used the time to regulate yourself and gain clarity, and then returned to the conversation to either continue or let them know what you may need."

Learn how to love smarter by taking a break. Read more on the Gottman Relationship Blog: https://bit.ly/3nK4HQJ

Illustration and copy by Whitney Goodman, LMFT (Whitney - sitwithwhit)

01/06/2022

A very common response in not just romantic relationships. Read on.

Our brains are wired to go negative. When you hesitate to say what’s on your mind or you beat around the bush with your partner, their brain won’t patiently wait until you are forthright with them.

It will spin with all the negative possibilities it can come up with.

This can cause their threat level to elevate and potentially spark a conflict, even if whatever you’re thinking about has nothing to do with them.

How do you change this habit?

As an exercise, agree to immediately answer each other when asking, “What’s on your mind?” throughout the week. Try to answer as soon as they ask you, even if that means stumbling while you find the words you need.

The better you become at being candid with each other when you’re feeling good, the easier it will be to open up when you’re in emotional distress.

10/28/2021

When should you explore couples counseling?

We typically feel most confident in areas of our lives where we have support, and our relationships are no different. Research shows that couples who seek help early have the best chance of thriving even during difficult times. It can be especially helpful to seek guidance for yourself and your loved one during big life events and transitions.

Working with a trained professional is an investment in your relationship and overall well-being. On the Gottman Relationship Blog, Terri A. Ammirati, LCPC (Ammirati Counseling) offers tips to help you seek support for your relationship: https://bit.ly/2Zv2UW5

Please note: our social media posts are not meant to address situations of abuse. For immediate support, please contact thehotline.org.

10/26/2021

Love this excerpt and conversation regarding Scenes from Marriage between Esther Perel and and Hagai Levi.

10/21/2021

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/202107/how-our-parents-marriages-shape-us

The bond between our parents is as important as their individual behaviors.

07/28/2021

👇🏽👇🏽

Simply saying, “I’m sorry,” will not go far enough to put your partner at ease. What specifically are you sorry for? Naming it will make your partner feel heard and understood. They’ll be much more likely to feel like your apology is earnest when you are specific.

07/14/2021

Short and sweet video that demonstrates how triggered couples can attempt to communicate.