Polaris Counseling Center, LLC

12/25/2025

I don’t do resolutions but I *love* intentions…there is so much I want to do while creating space for what matters to me, dissolving access from what doesn’t.

Our nervous systems have been primed for survival…reactive, avoidant, anxious, dissociative…that’s not a character flaw, that’s brilliance. It’s an autonomic response honed by years of experience. It’s a well oiled machine, because it had to be.

It’s you getting s**t done…despite the years of trauma, distress, anxiety, grief, people pleasing, stressors, or inconsistent safety.

Healing is your nervous system's ability to stay present with the full experience of human emotion—without shutting down, leaving or becoming flooded by it. The goal is NOT to be without distress (if only…!), the healing is to be okay IN it.

It's feeling anger without imploding. Staying during conflict instead of running or avoiding. Letting grief lay with you without drowning in it. It's your body finally recognizing it's safe enough to feel what's actually there.

It’s regulation redefined, not as inner calm, but as intentional connection and feeling safe in the storm.

May this year be the one where you show up for yourself. And if you are already there…well done, it’s your party and I’m so proud of you.

Individual and Couples therapy in Fairfax County, VA—specializing in trauma, couples counseling both in-person in Burke & online throughout Virginia specializing in trauma, relationships, and women

12/20/2025

Hot Tips for those in narcissistic relationships:

One simple tool I often share is the DEEP technique — and it’s especially helpful with narcissistic dynamics.

DEEP = Don’t Defend, Explain, Engage, or Personalize.

1. Do not defend

You don’t need to justify your boundaries or choices to someone committed to misunderstanding you.

2. Do not explain

Over-explaining gives them more material to twist. You aren’t the supply truck for narcissistic abuse.

3. Do not engage

Not every comment deserves a response. Silence and disengagement are powerful. And healthy… I’ve often said, “it seems as though you’re in the middle of a conversation I’m not having.”

And just like that, a new boundary is born.

4. Do not personalize

Their behavior is about them, not your worth, intelligence, or goodness. Once you internalize their gaslighting or skewed narrative, you carry a burden that is not yours.

Instead of getting pulled into the emotional tug-of-war, try neutral phrases like:

• “That doesn’t work for me.”
• “I’m not discussing this.”
• “I hear you.” (and then disengage)

Managing narcissistic people isn’t about winning—it’s about protecting your energy and nervous system.

12/15/2025

Wishing all who celebrate a joyful, peaceful Chanukah with everyone you love.

12/13/2025

Survival Guide for ALL the parts of you. Using boundaries to manage, engage and soften your soul over the holidays.

11/05/2025

Relational trauma isn’t usually about one big event — it’s about the patterns that repeated over time. The moments that taught your body love and danger could show up in the same place.

Trauma often builds through repetition

* how often something happened
* how long it lasted
* how intense it felt.

When it comes to relationships, healing really depends on whether there’s repair, accountability, and a real effort to change. That’s the hard part.

If you notice these patterns in your relationship, try to pause before reacting or labeling what’s happening.
Notice what it stirs up inside you.
For some people, that might mean having a repair conversation. For others, it might mean creating some space or getting support to sort out what feels safe.

Every relationship is different, and every nervous system moves at its own pace.

The goal isn’t to blame anyone — it’s to understand what your body’s been trying to protect you from, so you can start choosing connections that actually feel safe.

11/02/2025

We often talk about “triggers” like they’re something to avoid at all costs—those moments that make your heart race, your stomach drop, or your mind spiral. But what if triggers aren’t the enemy?

What if they’re actually messengers?

A trigger is your nervous system’s way of saying, “something here feels familiar.” It’s not random or irrational; it’s rooted in past experiences—often ones where we felt unsafe, unseen, or powerless.

When those old feelings resurface, your body tries to protect you the best way it knows how: by reacting.

When we feel “triggered” - it’s because we are hearing a message that is different than the one being conveyed.

The key isn’t to fight your triggers or shame yourself for having them. It’s to slow down and get curious.

Ask yourself:

What is my body remembering right now?
What emotion is underneath this reaction?
What part of me needs comfort or reassurance?
When we approach triggers with compassion rather than fear, they lose their power to control us. They become guideposts toward healing—showing us where our attention and care are most needed.

Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never be triggered. It means that when you are, you’ll know how to listen instead of react.

10/28/2025

Sometimes we direct our resentment toward our partner when, deep down, we’re angry at ourselves for neglecting our own needs.

Resentment can grow from different roots: one comes from being unheard, and another from staying silent. The second kind is harder to face—it asks us to take responsibility for the ways we’ve abandoned ourselves.

10/24/2025

Something therapy teaches over and over: Boundaries aren't walls - they're doors.

They don't shut people out; they show people how to come in.

We teach people how we want to be treated. Boundaries create safety and autonomy, and eliminates resentment.

This is what the “Let Them” theory gets wrong in my opinion. It can be used as an excuse to avoid difficult conversations or conflict, which is completely counterproductive for relationships.

It oversimplifies complex relational dynamics, especially in families where navigating conflicts and understanding each other's emotional responses is crucial.

It can be a tool to avoid advocating for yourself, particularly for people-pleasers, leading to the neglect of your personal needs.

You don’t have to Let Them. You can dig in, deal, advocate or shut it down.

10/22/2025

Meditation, breathwork, yoga, cold plunges, affirmations, journals—all these are wonderful tools. However, they can’t fix what you’re still trying to avoid feeling. The issue isn’t with the practice itself, but with the intention behind it.

If you’re using these tools to sidestep emotions rather than embrace them, you’re not truly regulating—you’re coping, masking, pretending. Genuine regulation isn’t about achieving calmness. It’s about feeling safe enough to navigate emotions without being flooded.

Healing goes beyond deep breathing and maintaining calm. It’s about exploring what your body is shielding you from and connecting with it, not resisting it. Your body is your protector, responding to its environment. The goal isn’t to remain calm; it’s to forge a connection with all parts of yourself so your body no longer feels the need to protect you from what you’ve already survived.

10/22/2025

I love when my furry clients join in! Meet Desi 🩷

10/22/2025

Internal Family Systems will change your life.

06/09/2025

We are so proud to represent FCPS Pride! My children and I support and advocate for ensuring safety for FCPS students and staff.

My practice remains a safe place where ALL are welcome 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️