11/17/2025
Fawning is a highly adaptive trauma response where we unknowingly “play pretend” to survive.
Fawning is a hybrid response, activating the sympathetic (hyperarousal) and parasympathetic (hypoarousal) branches of the autonomic nervous system at the same time.
• The hyperarousal aspect of fawning has us instinctively managing the moods and states of those “in charge.” We lean into the very relationships that are causing us harm, appeasing our perpetrators while taking personal responsibility for all relational difficulties. Fawning can be incredibly active.
• But at the same time, we are detaching from ourselves. The hypoarousal of fawning numbs our connection to self, our broader sense of agency, and often, our ability to feel the effects of the abuse at all.
We are threading a fine needle when we fawn, neither risking greater harm through fight or flight, nor shutting down completely. This highly adaptive response is moving beyond playing dead to playing LIFE. We are playing pretend, and we don’t even know it. We are playing house, playing the game (to survive or escape our situation), playing a part—sometimes as many parts as there are people in our lives.
🌟Click the link in my bio to get a Free PDF on the Fawning Trauma Response and to order FAWNING: Why the need to please makes us lose ourselves – and how to find our way back. AVAILABLE NOW 🤗
