Warm Hands Massage, Deidre Dye, LMT

01/08/2026

01/04/2026

I am currently watching a 165-pound animal forget how to operate his own legs.

Yesterday, noticing the salt and ice on the sidewalks, I decided to be a responsible dog owner. I bought Moose a set of "All-Terrain Adventure Boots."
They were red. They had rubber soles. They looked like tiny, rugged Timberlands.

I thought, "He will look dashing. He will be protected."
I forgot that Moose is a creature of habit, and his habit involves being barefoot.

Phase 1: The Wrestling Match
Putting shoes on a Great Dane is not a fashion statement. It is a rodeo event.
I sat on the floor with him.
I got the front left boot on.
Moose looked at his foot. He lifted it high in the airlike he was asking a question in classand just held it there.
“Mother. My paw has been swallowed by a rubber box. Remove it.”

I ignored his protests. I got the other three on. It took 20 minutes and half a block of cheddar cheese.
He stood up. All four feet were encased in red rubber.
He looked at me with deep, soul-crushing betrayal.
“You have replaced my feet with bricks. I cannot work under these conditions.”

Phase 2: The Reboot
Then, he tried to walk.
If you have never seen a dog wear shoes for the first time, imagine a spider walking across a hot skillet. Now make that spider the size of a pony.

Moose lifted his front right leg all the way to his chin. STOMP.
Then the back left leg kicked out sideways like a karate master. HI-YAH.
He was walking, but his brain had completely disconnected from his extremities.
Clop-Clop-Stumble-Clop.

He walked like a marionette whose puppeteer was drunk.
He tried to step over a microscopic crack in the floor. He jumped two feet in the air to clear it.
He walked into the doorframe. Bonk.
He looked at his feet. “Why are you heavy? Who are you?”

Phase 3: The Outside Adventure
We finally made it outside.
Moose hit the pavement. He realized the boots made a loud sound.
CLACK-CLACK-CLACK.
His ears perked up. He felt powerful. He felt like a tap dancer.

He started to trot.
But the boots have grip. Too much grip.
He tried to do his usual "drift" around the corner.
The boots caught the asphalt.
He stopped instantly.
His rear end, however, kept going.
Moose’s butt overtook his head. He somersaulted.
He landed in a snowbank, legs flailing in the air like a chaotic, red-shoed beetle.

The Climax: The Cinderella Moment
He scrambled up. He shook his entire body to realign his chakras.
Centrifugal force took over.
The rear left boot wasn't strapped tight enough.
ZOOP.

The red boot went flying.
It soared through the air like a missile.
It landed with a thud on the roof of a parked minivan.

Moose froze.
He looked at his naked paw. He looked at the minivan.
He looked at me.
“My hoof! It has ascended! I am incomplete!”

He refused to walk another step. He sat down right there in the middle of the sidewalk, lifting his naked paw pathetically, waiting for Prince Charming (me) to retrieve his glass slipper.

The Aftermath
I had to climb onto a stranger’s bumper to retrieve the boot while my dog watched judgmentally from the sidewalk.
We walked home. Moose walked with three loud CLACKS and one soft pat.

He is currently asleep. The boots are in the closet.
But I swear, when he walked into the kitchen for water just now, he lifted his legs suspiciously high, like he’s practicing for the Ministry of Silly Walks.

We are never doing that again. I’ll just carry him next time.

01/03/2026

Rosie is partying in the New Year! I have told her she doesn't need to fill Jake's shoes: she is perfect.
We wish you all the best in this new year!
Side Note: my price has slightly increased as of 2026. We look forward to seeing you soon!

12/27/2025

12/27/2025

12/27/2025

12/27/2025

12/27/2025

12/27/2025

12/27/2025