Scott Lownsdale Counseling

02/15/2025

WHY YOUNG PEOPLE OFTEN LEAVE THE CHURCH
Many young people whom I have counseled in my Christian counseling practice over the last 25 years are those who have left the church. When I ask why, I discover often that they falsely believed that that had experienced true Christian faith.
But in actuality, they had merely been exposed to, or took away from their church, an intellectual, emotional, or legalistic perversion of the Christian faith that they discovered had no power. Makes sense to me! As I understand it, there is never any spiritual fruit without supernaturally experiencing God and His power flowing through us by abiding in Christ. There is no other way. There is no other true Christianity.
Why did they never discover this biblical truth? I suspect it is because of enormous opposition to the beautiful simplicity of abiding in Christ (2 Corinthians 11:2-3), not only from the devil, but the Christ-rejecting world, and the rebellion of the flesh. That’s why abiding in Christ is so difficult. Even for those of us who know what it means to abide in Jesus! It is simple but that does not mean it is easy!
As G. K. Chesterton put it: “The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and untried” “What’s Wrong with the World, Adamant Media, 2004, p. 48). Even as I write this I recognize that I myself have not been abiding fruitfully over the last hour, due to my succumbing to the powers of the unholy triad: flesh, world, devil.
But the cool thing about abiding in Christ is that we can always hit the reset button and begin all over again. The last hour was lost, but can be redeemed. And the next hour can be more fruitful than this one. That’s supernatural! That’s spiritual power. That’s true Christianity. Not being “perfect” but being perfected in Christ, as we learn painfully, and humbly, that we cannot do life without Him fruitfully for one minute on our own.
He is the True Vine. I am His branch, incomplete and imperfect with Him. “Apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). But with Him, all things are possible (Mark 10:27).

02/02/2023

THE FIRST 5 THINGS MY CLIENTS LEARN
1. There’s a reason for why you act the way we do.
2. Under every behavior is an feeling.
3. Under every feeling is a human yearning.
4. Let’s focus on that yearning more than on the behavior.
5. Then we’ll be dealing with the cause, and not the symptoms.

02/01/2023

When someone calls you “too sensitive”, the subtitle might read: “Actually, I am too hardened in my heart to let myself feel those same emotions. That’s why I’m so uncomfortable when you’re so vulnerable and can show your feelings.”

01/26/2023

Life can pretty complicated without getting back to basics. But once we get ourselves grounded in who and what we are in Christ, life gets more simple and everything falls into place. “Stray not from the simplicity [of abiding] in Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:3).
So I often begin my day getting reminded that I am NOT a brain on stick; I can look at my thoughts and not get hooked by them when I simply observe them like fish in water, and not lean on my mind’s limited understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). Today my mind will produce an endless stream of thoughts, but as I “be still and know that I am God,” my spirit is capable of KNOWING the Truth at any time or place and under any set of conditions.
I am NOT a hot mess of emotions, no matter how intense my heart’s feelings. Today my heart may feel the entire spectrum of emotions: the geography of my heart as mapped out in the psalms. But as I abide in Jesus-the-Vine, my spirit is capable of bearing the fruit of love, joy, and peace continuously and unconditionally, no matter what kind of weather this day brings.
And when it comes to my will, I am most certainly NOT the “captain of my soul” no matter how much will-power I can try to muster up (And even if I were such a captain, I know I am not a good one, if I count my shipwrecks). Today the strength of my resolves will ebb and flow hour by hour.
But as I cling to the Vine, the Spirit (life of God, the sap of the Tree of Life) can flow into and through my spirit without interruption, enabling me to do things fruitfully in ways I could never do. Provided that I depend upon His strength in my weakness and His comfort in my sufferings.
So what am I? Who am I? In Christ, I am a true branch of the True Vine. I am a spiritual being, made in the image of God, with a mind, heart, and will. As I dethrone my mind, heart, and will, I see that they are designed not to rule my life, but rather to be benevolently ruled by my God, provided that my spirit submits like a branch to the life of the tree.
“I am the Vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me bears much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

01/25/2023

TWO IMPORTANT QUESTIONS
Am I willing to risk experiencing pain and discomfort today in the pursuit of what’s really important to me? Is what I love and value really worth it? If I answer YES to both questions, then I must commit myself to breaking the habit of turning down the volume of my pain and discomfort (through avoidance, numbing, and distraction) and take some action, even a small step, towards my most worthy goals.
And l as I do, I find that I can turn up that imaginary k**b in my mind on my willingness to feel discomfort and pain. Not because I like pain, but because I treasure my values.

01/23/2023

This week is filled with so much work, work, work that I could easily forgive the unknowing observer for seeing me as a workaholic, or perhaps as a fool for not retiring at my age.
But God knows the real truth as to why retirement (in the conventional sense) is a foreign concept to my ears, and why I feel younger at heart than many teens I see in my counseling practice, and “work” harder at age 68 than many men and women half my age.
It’s not simply enjoying robust health, for as long as that might last. No! Here’s the real secret: When you find God’s grace in Jesus, you no longer work for God’s love. You find deep and profound REST in it.
Like a branch that finds its true home on the True Vine — free from all futile labors to make itself green —GRACE finds its home in you. Grace is known and enjoyed and empowering, hour by hour, provided that you keep abiding in Jesus-the-Vine, without vacations and timeouts away from abiding in the Vine (John 15:4-5).
And as I abide, on a practical level, I can better discern and obey His promptings for my physical and emotional rest, in harmony with His established work/rest cycle (Exodus 20:8-11).
If I stopped abiding in Christ for just one hour, I would immediately tank: I would feel and act like the decaying old man I am on the outside. I would dry and wither without the inner renewal (2 Corinthians 4:16) of His grace, with His comfort, and power that gives me strength and inspiration to do His work. The Spirit of God is the wind in my sails.
This is because GRACE works through you and me as we abide in the Vine. As we practice the presence of God around the clock, we “work” far more fruitfully and powerfully than many others who either do not abide in Jesus or do not depend upon GRACE as much as we do.
GRACE is proven only by “much fruit.” The spiritual fruit of our labors is proof of the life of God flowing through us. Our brother Paul explains it like this: “By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than them all, yet not I, but the grace of God in me” (1 Corinthians 15:10).

12/13/2022

Prayer is literally asking for God to do what is impossible without Him. Those born of God are called upon to pray without ceasing, and as we do we learn to get used to expecting the impossible. God said to the serpent: “I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her Seed; He shall bruise your head and you shall bruise His heel” (Genesis 3:15). How can a woman have “Seed”? That’s biologically impossible. But as the angel said to Mary: “Nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37). “Behold a virgin shall conceive and bear a Son and His name shall be Emmanuel (God-with-us)” (Isaiah 1:23/Matthew 1:23).

12/12/2022

Today the fruitfulness of my little vineyard will depend upon not wasting time and attention on those many things that I cannot change, and staying laser-focused on those few things that I can. “Whoever is faithful with very little will also be faithful with much” (Luke 16:10).

12/11/2022

Today let me be like Mary. I don’t need to know exactly what God is doing, how He will do it, or all the details involved. I just need to know two things: that He knows what He’s doing and that I am His submissive bond-servant (Luke 1:38).

12/10/2022

Today as I abide in Jesus, I can simply notice the distance between my spirit and the unfruitful thoughts of my mind and not get so entangled in them (Hebrews 4:12; 1 Corinthians 2:11).

11/30/2022

How parents too often create the conditions for the development of BOD (borderline personality disorder):
1) Stating that the child’s emotions are wrong.
2) Misattributing the child’s emotions to a deficiency in the child, such as oversensitivity.
3) Making light of difficulties or problems that the child expresses.
4) Discouraging the child from expressing any negative emotions.
Source: Lee, S. S. M., Keng, S.-L., Yeo, G. C., & Hong, R. Y. (2022). Parental invalidation and its associations with borderline personality disorder symptoms: A multivariate meta-analysis. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 13(6), 572-582.

Childhood invalidation has been postulated to be implicated in the development of borderline personality disorder (BPD), according to the biosocial model. Despite its significance, most systematic reviews and meta-analyses have focused on examining the associations between extreme forms of invalidat...

11/18/2022