05/03/2023                                                                            
                                    
                                    
                                                                        
                                        I always believed I’d be the one who knew what was best for my children.
But as my kids have grown – and are now becoming budding adults – I am getting a new perspective on that. 
A few months back, my daughter called to share a dilemma she was in. There were two pretty clear choices, and I immediately felt certain I knew which was the “right” one and said as much. 
I was taken aback when she adamantly said, “No, Mom. You don’t understand this situation like I do!”
I’ll be honest; that curt response hurt a little, but I paused and reminded myself that this wasn’t about me. This was about her coming to me with a tough decision she had to make (and live with) and processing it with me so she could make the best decision FOR herself. 
I’ve been reading a lot about how to build autonomy in teens and young adults. Something I try to keep in mind is that when my kids exert control over their own choices – which can sometimes feel like rejection to me – this is actually a positive, vital part of growing into adulthood. The ability to seek solutions for themselves allows teens and young adults to manage their own lives. 
“I’m sorry I jumped in thinking I knew what was best for you,” I admitted. “You’re right. You are the only person experiencing this exact situation; you know all the components better than anyone else. I have no doubt you will figure this out by continuing to listen to your yourself.”
I heard an exhale on the other line. Relief? Actually, I think it was more like exasperation. Perhaps she felt she was no closer to a solution and this call had been a waste of time. 
I was ok with being her safe place for these feelings; what I knew (but kept to myself) was when she confidently rejected my suggestion, she’d gotten a little bit closer to knowing what she SHOULD do.
Although I didn’t get to swoop in and save the day (as my ego would have loved to do), I did something better: I relayed belief and confidence in her ability to make a sound decision for herself.
© Rachel Macy Stafford 2023
Learning to listen to and trust my own inner guidance has ignited a great deal of healing and joy in my life that has rippled out to touch the lives of those around me. If you would like stepping-stones and a hand to hold through this soul-shifting process, it’s all in my new book,   > https://amzn.to/44rRBe0
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