11/16/2019
We’ve have a rough few weeks, y’all. I’ve (Brittany) been contemplating writing this post for awhile, trying to decide how transparent to be. For me, any time I feel swindled or taken advantage of in any way, I hide it. I hate feeling stupid because I know that I am, in fact, very smart. But the more I’ve thought, felt, processed, and prayed, the more I feel the right thing to do is to be honest....because perhaps our honesty can spare another family the stress we are going through now.
‘Home study ready’ is a huge term in adoption. Those of you who have lived this process know it’s massive. It’s a gathering of every single identifying document you can think of (and a few I’m sure you didn’t know existed), interviews, home visits, and lots of paperwork. We had a home study completed in May of this year, on the off chance we might be able to adopt our foster son. His case did not go that way, and for months, we were paralyzed in grief.
Near the end of July, David and I both felt God whispering to our hearts to prepare to adopt. At first, we thought we’d clearly heard him wrong. We still missed our foster son so much. But once again, the more we prayed, the more we heard God put the word ‘November’ on both of our hearts. We began to go out on dates again and live our lives, doing all of the things we stopped doing out of grief. We did our research, hired an adoption consultant (who we LOVE!), and began the process of filling out agency applications, creating our profile book (with this fantastic company called Arrow + Root), and amassing our paperwork. On Halloween, we were match ready and able to present to our first expectant Mama. To say we were excited would be an understatement.
The following week, our consultant noticed some necessary child abuse clearances missing from our home study. When we called the home study agency, David was told he had let his license lapse and couldn’t help us with the clearances. He referred us to DCF, and wished us good luck. He also told us that despite having a written agreement with us dated 8/27/19, to provide post placement services, he was no longer going to be providing any adoption services at all moving forward. Now, while our hearts go out to him and whatever he is going through personally, none of this is legal or ethical. Legally, if he was going to stop adoption work, he needed to notify all existing clients 60 days prior to his last day. No attempt to reach us was made. Additionally, by law he needed to make sure we were given to another agency that could handle our post placement visits. He did not even attempt to make a referral other than to call DCF. Yet, the most disturbing thing about this home study is that was written under his child placing agency which hasn’t even been licensed since 2018! And - he never ran our FBI clearances! He just referred to the fact we were foster parents and so, our clearances must be valid.
Needless to say, when our consultant was made aware of these things, she had a Florida adoption specialist look over our home study. It was declared invalid. We have to do a whole new home study with a whole new agency, all before we can be part of the matching process once again. We had to be pulled from presenting to an expectant Mama, which is really awful for all involved.
While we are incredibly thankful this error was caught now, instead of in another state, standing in front of a judge, with a baby in our arms, initially it felt like we’d suffered yet another loss. After a day of feeling anger, shock, and heartbreak, we ultimately decided to move forward and pay what we need to in order to get the new home study done as quickly as we can. It will literally cost us everything we have sold in our ETSY shop, but we are grateful we have it. Some of you may wonder why we don’t see this as God telling us to throw in the towel. Let me tell you another quick story:
While we were in the process of taking classes and getting licensed as foster parents, Hurricane Irma came through. Our classes and licensure were delayed by about a month. That month was excruciating! However, once we were licensed, the very first call we received was for our precious foster son. We loved him for almost two years, and it was a miraculous time in our lives. We waited then, and it was worth it. We are trusting God in this delay, too; that the outcome will be just as miraculous and just as perfect for us.
Please keep praying as we prepare for this new, second home study. Pray that our hearts would be content in waiting and that expectant Mama would feel the love we already have for her. And please pray for this man who did not do his due diligence with us. Pray for him to be prevented from taking advantage of another family, and for whatever is going on his life to steer him closer to Christ.
Thank you all for your ongoing support. You have no idea how much all of your words mean to us ♥️
