07/21/2024
So it's been a really long time since I have posted a life update to everyone who cares about me or had cared about me so it's finally time to put some s**t out there so I can get it all off my chest and hopefully you guys can give me feedback that will help empower me on my journey.... so here is it.
First my health has gone downhill for the last 15years I have been suffering from back pain so bad that I cant walk a quarter mile without being in tears and having to lay on the ground for 30 mins before I can even walk again, my back is so bad that I can no longer work a job and am having to file for my disability, I have four degenerated disks in the last four vertebrae and a problem with one vertebrae in my neck. They are sending me to a neurosurgeon to discuss surgery and pain management for pain meds It's horrible!!! Also two years ago I started experiencing migrane headache's that would last sometimes three weeks straight so the doc sent me in for a MRI and that revealed why I'm getting these terrible migranes, they found a tumor on my pituitary gland a little bigger than a piece of corn and they want to do brain surgery to remove it and I'm terrified utterly terrified and I go back for another MRI next month and I'm not hopeful. Due to these problems and what it's doing to my already fragile mental disabilities that I feel off the sobriety wagon after years of being clean and I got addicted to M**h again to try and numb the pain well that got even worse I started getting really paranoid and wound up having a very illegal pistol on me well I got jumped in front of a gas station at 3 in the morning cos we're called and I got caught with the pistol and some m**h and got locked up for three felony charges and two non felony charges and was in for three and a half months before I got released.. but wait it get even worse I took a friend to the city to pick up there stuff from a friend's house and what happened next just made it all worse, we get pulled over heading back from the city and because of the previous charges I some of the three me in cuffs and ransacked my car and the friend I was helping had put 2 and 1/2 ounces of M**h under my seat and the cops found it and charged everyone in the car with felony possession, so for almost the last 2 years have been going to court fighting these charges without snitching on anyone these charges are mine alone and I'm gonna deal with the Consequences because that's what a real man does it's my fault and nobody else's. BUT AND BIG BUT, I have taken the steps to better what's going on. I got myself checked in to rehab and COMPLEATED it and when I got out I enrolled in an IOP outpatient program that will last for six months to a year called Affect its zoom based telehealth rehab program that pays you to get clean and stay clean and it had been helping way more than I could have ever expected and I now have almost three months sober and for good this tin. I'm doing this for myself and for my two kids who I love very much and don't deserve a dad who is fu**ed up all the time. ... well that's pretty much everything I have been dealing with for the last 4 years, and I hope all you guys reading this can comment som**hing maby give me advice or anything that you think might help me become a better person and better father who is clean and sober I really will accept anything that helps my family during my trying times!!! Thanx Yall love you guys!!!
