09/21/2025
Focus of thee week: Choosing courage, improvement, helpfulness, and enjoyment over perfection. ✨
Ooh, friend. I've been thinking about this one a lot lately.
Do you ever hold back on trying something, practicing something, or helping someone in some capacity (and don't do it) because you're afraid you will mess it up, fail, or not get whatever it is exactly, perfectly right?
I do. All the time.
Or... I used to. I'm really working on changing this about myself.
Whether it's some form of perfectionism, or fear of failure -- whatever it is -- I've let it hold me back SOOOOOO much in life!
1) I've let it keep me from trying new things.
For example, my husband and son both LOVE to river surf. I've never been a skilled swimmer, so I don't tend to jump into water activities. However it is so fun to watch my family do this. And it doesn't look easy. It is one of those activities that takes many attempts for maybe a glimmer of getting it for a few seconds. I've assumed that due to my lack of swimming skills, that I probably won't be very good at it (probably will never get up, blah blah blah), and therefore have never even tried it. Which, looking at it today, is kind of sad. Here I am, healthy and able to give it a go, but I'm afraid of --well, lots of things-- but one is looking foolish in front of my husband and son. Also: of being a complete failure at it. Yet, I know they wouldn't judge me. They would be nothing but supportive (and so proud of me for trying). It is only my own fears of not being good at it that are really holding me back. But my son and husband don't have that same approach to things. Whether it is river surfing, mountain biking, rock climbing, or trying a new trick at the skate park.... they just go for it! And because they go for it (and are willing to fail however many times it takes before getting it), they eventually do it! They might fail 100x before getting it, but each time they get a little bit closer. I've always been in complete awe of their courage, tenacity, and perseverance. It is so inspiring! I want to be like that. I want to be more willing to try things, even if it might take 100 tries. Even if I never get it. I want to be the type of person who will try.
How about you, friend? Do you ever hold back on trying something new out of fear that you might not be able to do it right away? Are there times when practicing choosing courage over perfection might help?
2) I've let it keep me from improving at things.
I used to rock climb a little bit back when I was in college. I was ok at it, but Jon is really amazing at it (it is his bliss!). I always thought it was fun, but I was never super passionate about it. I, therefore, don't do it very often (and haven't really improved much over the years). Now here we are (20 years later), and Jon and Rowan are climbing more often together. I'd like to climb too, but I'm kind of embarrassed at how bad I am at it. 🙂 Jon and Rowan don't care at all, and are happy to have me there, but -- if I'm honest-- I let it hold me back from going (which is the only way I would improve). I would get better at it if I was willing to go be bad at it for a while.
Thoughts? Do you ever do that? Is there anything that you'd like to get better at, but you hold yourself back from doing because you're not as good at it as you'd like to be? Are there times when practicing choosing improvement over perfection might help?
3) I've let it keep me from being helpful.
I can't remember which house project it was, but there was a moment a few years back when I noticed something about myself. Jon was busy doing working on fixing something (maybe tiling the basement bathroom or something like that). I was totally available to help... but I wasn't being helpful. Instead I was putzing around, trying to make myself busy with other things. I was stalling. And I started to wonder why? At first, I wondered why I was so lazy. Why didn't I offer to help him? Then I realized: I sometimes don't help --not because I'm lazy-- but because I'm afraid of doing whatever it is wrong. I'm afraid of messing it up! My poor husband has had to put up with this for 21 years! Something needs fixing? He just dives in and figures it out. Me? I make sandwhichs. Why? Because I don't want to leave a scratch in the floor, or mess up the measurement and saw off too much, or leave a drip of paint on the trim. These fears of making a mistake keep me from being helpful. It's so lame. And I'm over it. I don't want to hold back on being helpful for one more minute. Even if I'm not great at something, I still want to be the person who will dive in and help.
So this past week, I practiced choosing being courageous over being perfect. We've recently bought a new-to-us home in our same town (that is 111 years old). We've been really busy the past couple of weeks getting the house ready (restoring the hardwood floors, painting, etc.). I knew Jon would be the one primarily working on the sanding & refinishing of the floors, so... how could I help? I could do the painting. But here's the thing: I've always hated painting. Normally, I avoid it like the plague. Not because of the effort required -- because I'm not perfect at it. Because it drives me bonkers to pull up the blue tape and see dribbles on the trim. Ahhhhhhh!!!! I messed up. I failed. Ugggggh. There's no going back. My failure will be on that piece of trim forever for all eyes to see. (So dramatic, I know). This past week, I forced myself to get over my hatred of painting and be helpful anyway. So I painted for five days straight. My son and mother-in-law, Sue, also helped (they were awesome). We painted our tails off. And -- it is beautiful. And -- it is definitely not perfect (at least not where I was painting). There are probably a million places where my paint dribbled onto the trim, but... well... whatever. Because we did it! I was helpful! I didn't wait for my husband to do all of the painting perfectly. I (we) helped! It was actually quite a healing experience. While my son helped, I didn't micromanage him about doing it perfectly, I was so proud of him for simply picking up a roller and helping. And you know what? It's lovely. We did it. Is it perfect? Nope. Does it look better than it had? Yep. Am I better at painting than I was before? Probably. Were we helpful at getting our house ready? Yes! Plus, I'll forever have the memory of spending those days side by side with my son and mother-in-law, working hard to make something beautiful, fresh, bright, and our own. So.... yay! Progress, baby. 🙂
How about you, friend? Do you ever hold yourself from helping out because you don't want to mess it up? Are there times when practicing choosing being helpful over being perfect might help?
4) I've let it keep me from enjoying things.
As I mentioned before, I had always hated painting the house. So much so, that even though I've had multiple friends and family offer to help over the years, I didn't believe them. I thought--who on earth could enjoy this? 😀 But, this past week, there was this beautiful moment when I was painting and I noticed many little dribbles on the trim from people who had painted this particular wall before me. There were multiple colors and layers, so I'm guessing it was probably from many different people who have lived in this 111 year-old home. And, honestly, seeing those dribbles was such a relief. I was not alone! I was not the only person in the world who would accidentally get paint on the trim. Generations had done this before me. It helped me so much to see it! I became much more relaxed, and actually started to enjoy painting. It started to be fun. I finally could see how people enjoy it. And --oh man-- it has me wondering what else I could enjoy more if I let go of this desire to do things perfectly.
How about you? Do you ever put so much pressure on yourself to do things perfectly that you don't really enjoy whatever the activity is? Are there times when practicing choosing enjoyment over perfection might help?
So that's what we're playing with this week, babe.
This week -- in dance and life -- let's practice choosing:
• Courage over perfection.
• Improvement over perfection.
• Helpfulness over perfection.
• Enjoyment over perfection.
Doesn't that sound (and already feel) so great?
PLUS.... when we do things perfectly imperfectly we help create space where others feel comfortable doing the same. How awesome is that? Let's spread the courage, baby.
So... let's give it a go! Let's see what happens. As always, I can't wait to see what we discover. See you soon!
Much love,
💛 Dani
