Mary Schmidt-Luhring, LMHC

11/04/2025

10/01/2025

09/25/2025

It is a difficult to determine when a person is mature and ready for responsible management of internet access (especially the ease of having it on their phone). It is not a decision to take lightly. The more you know 🌈 ⭐️

06/10/2025

This should be hung in every dementia care home and in hospitals where there are patients with dementia.

If I get dementia, I’d like my family to hang this wish list up on the wall where I live. I want them to remember these things.

And I would add one more:
Every time you enter the room announce yourself.

“Hi Mom- it’s Mary.”
NEVER ask- Do you know who I am??? That causes anxiety.

1. If I get dementia, I want my friends and family to embrace my reality.

2. If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I think we’re visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. I’ll be much happier for it.

3. If I get dementia, don’t argue with me about what is true for me versus what is true for you.

4. If I get dementia, and I am not sure who you are, do not take it personally. My timeline is confusing to me.

5. If I get dementia, and can no longer use utensils, do not start feeding me. Instead, switch me to a finger-food diet, and see if I can still feed myself.

6. If I get dementia, and I am sad or anxious, hold my hand and listen. Do not tell me that my feelings are unfounded.

7. If I get dementia, I don’t want to be treated like a child. Talk to me like the adult that I am.

8. If I get dementia, I still want to enjoy the things that I’ve always enjoyed. Help me find a way to exercise, read, and visit with friends.

9. If I get dementia, ask me to tell you a story from my past.

10. If I get dementia, and I become agitated, take the time to figure out what is bothering me.

11. If I get dementia, treat me the way that you would want to be treated.

12. If I get dementia, make sure that there are plenty of snacks for me in the house. Even now if I don’t eat I get angry, and if I have dementia, I may have trouble explaining what I need.

13. If I get dementia, don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room.

14. If I get dementia, don’t feel guilty if you cannot care for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s not your fault, and you’ve done your best. Find someone who can help you, or choose a great new place for me to live.

15. If I get dementia, and I live in a dementia care community, please visit me often.

16. If I get dementia, don’t act frustrated if I mix up names, events, or places. Take a deep breath. It’s not my fault.

17. If I get dementia, make sure I always have my favorite music playing within earshot.

18. If I get dementia, and I like to pick up items and carry them around, help me return those items to their original place.

19. If I get dementia, don’t exclude me from parties and family gatherings.

20. If I get dementia, know that I still like receiving hugs or handshakes.

21. If I get dementia, remember that I am still the person you know and love.”

Message to be shared in Honor of someone you know or knew who has dementia. In Honor of all those I know and love and lost who are fighting Dementia/Alzheimer’s.

06/07/2025

Parenting Isn’t 50/50

Yep, you read that right.

It’s not half Mom, half Dad. It’s not always “You do this, I’ll do that.” As much as we love balance, the truth is—parenting doesn’t work on perfect math.

Some days, you're going to wake up running on fumes, barely feeling 10%. Exhausted, overwhelmed, maybe even defeated. And on those days, it's your partner’s job to carry the other 90%.

Other days, you’re the strong one. You’ve got energy, clarity, maybe even patience (imagine that!), and you carry the 80 while your partner struggles to muster 20.

That’s the real math of parenting: It’s about giving 100%, together, not splitting it evenly.

It’s a constant dance of give and take. Of stepping up when the other needs rest. Of knowing that fairness isn’t always sameness.

It takes grace. It takes communication. And it takes love—the kind that doesn’t keep score.

So no, parenting isn’t 50/50.
But it is 100%, every single day.

Together.