Align Counseling Center, P.C. - Suzanne Smith

09/01/2022

Of all relationship mistakes, the refusal to put our relationships above our ego is one of our greatest failings. To win the battle of righteousness is to lose so much more.

Failing to quickly repair misunderstandings, injuries, or perceptions of insensitivity will gradually catch up to you. If you want your relationship to stand the test of time, let go of your pride and make amends.

07/31/2022

Almost everything we do is by memory. We have blazing fast recognition systems in the brain that help us operate routinely and reflexively. This is why we rather predictably do the same (sometimes stupid) things over and over again.

No matter how earnestly you say, “I won’t do that again,” chances are, you will – unless you’re prompted.

This is where being in a secure relationship can come in handy. You can prompt one another to become more mindful of an automatic behavior it happens or as it comes up. To do this, you have to set up an agreement ahead of time.

If either of you finds a behavior annoying, hurtful, distracting, or threatening, ask your partner, “Do I have your permission to prompt you next time when you do that? And do you agree to yield immediately if I do?”

Both parts of this are important, as the partner who is hurt by the behavior cannot be fully relieved unless the offending partner is completely on board with this idea. Agreeing to yield when prompted means agreeing not to pushback, complain (verbally or nonverbally), defend, attack, withdraw, or otherwise be difficult.

If you’re the offending partner, remember that you will want your partner to do the same when you’re bothered by one of their behaviors. What’s good for them is good for you too.

07/06/2022

Generally speaking, when you trace your vulnerabilities down to their basic causes, we tend to have only a few key triggers. Understanding what they are can help you be better partners for one another.

05/15/2022

Humans by nature are unreliable, aggressive, always aware of what is missing, always comparing and contrasting, fickle, moody, easily influenceable by the group – so how can you possibly form a secure long-lasting relationship?

By agreeing on shared principles to govern your relationship.

Make a list of agreements you both want to make as a couple. These agreements will act as guardrails for the times when you don’t feel like being your best selves.

04/26/2022

Align Counseling Center PC is hiring and seeking a fully licensed professional (Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Licensed Professional Counselor or Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) who is looking to be a part of an expanding and fun practice. Align Counseling is located in Centennial about 2.5 miles east of I-25 near Arapahoe and Peoria. We specialize in marriage and couple therapy. Evenings and weekend availability and two plus years of counseling experience with couples are requested. Please PM me (Suzanne Smith) for details. Thank you.

02/23/2022

The emotional significance of an event will affect how detailed the memory of that event will be. If you did something that you believed was inconsequential, you might not remember it at all, but if it was painful to your partner, they will.

Will either of your memories be perfect? No, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is the pain your partner is experiencing.

Let go of the need to be right and focus on repairing the issue in the current moment.

02/03/2022

We all need people. Even those of us who feel like we’re great on our own. A secure relationship can help you grow in ways you wouldn’t be able to on your own.

Practically, another person can help you:

• Accurately guess, understand, and reflect back to you what you’re going through
• Amplify your positive feelings and experiences
• Assuage negative feelings and experiences
• Provide guidance and push you more than you would push yourself
• Step in to help when you’re in trouble, emotionally or otherwise
• Boost your self-esteem

These benefits can come from romantic or platonic relationships. What matters is that you open yourself up to depending on others.

01/21/2022

If you’ve messed up, “I’m sorry,” won’t repair the problem on its own. A meaningful apology requires attention, specificity, and full ownership of the mistake.

01/06/2022

Our brains are wired to go negative. When you hesitate to say what’s on your mind or you beat around the bush with your partner, their brain won’t patiently wait until you are forthright with them.

It will spin with all the negative possibilities it can come up with.

This can cause their threat level to elevate and potentially spark a conflict, even if whatever you’re thinking about has nothing to do with them.

How do you change this habit?

As an exercise, agree to immediately answer each other when asking, “What’s on your mind?” throughout the week. Try to answer as soon as they ask you, even if that means stumbling while you find the words you need.

The better you become at being candid with each other when you’re feeling good, the easier it will be to open up when you’re in emotional distress.

11/16/2021

Align Counseling Center welcomes new employee Hasmik Manukyan, Licensed Professional Counselor Candidate to this practice. Hasmik comes with 23 years of experience in the field, and she has taken the Level One Gottman Method for Couples training. Hasmik is incredibly impressive as a person and a practitioner and speaks fluent Armenian and Russian. Warmest welcome to you Hasmik!

About Hasmik… I have always been fascinated with learning how things work, and of course, why things work the way they do. There were times when my parents ran out of answers I had so many questions for them! As I grew, I had more questions. How does the human brain work? Why do we […]

10/23/2021

We live in a highly individualistic culture. Self-reliance is praised and dependence is often looked down upon.

But there is nothing wrong with depending on another person. In fact, having a secure relationship with someone you can depend on will help you thrive in all other areas of your life.

We need other people, whether we admit it or not.

Now I must stress an interdependent relationship – a relationship in which both partners can depend on each other – is not the same as a co-dependent relationship.

Co-dependency is asymmetrical: all resources, time, and energy are focused on caring for one partner.

Interdependency is mutually beneficial and exists only when both partners are able to rely on each other. The ability to depend on one another allows both partners to flourish not only within the relationship but also outside with their friends, family, work, creative endeavors, and more.

Interdependency is a core benefit of a secure-functioning relationship and should not be feared.

09/22/2021

You’re not always going to agree with your partner. Even when you don’t, I recommend taking your partner’s side in public.

You bolster the security of your relationship when you have each other’s back at all times. Undermining your partner in front of others weakens that security by making them feel betrayed or even threatened.

If you disagree with them, have that conversation privately. This will not only make them feel safe but that in turn will make them more receptive to hearing your point of view.