Alice Roberts, PhD, LCSW, CST

02/24/2025

If you grew up believing it was your job to dress or act in certain ways to make sure boys weren’t aroused, you may have developed a knee-jerk reaction to your partners attempts at initiating s*x. It’s always okay (and important) to say no to s*x that you aren’t interested in, but test out pausing and exploring if you really want to say no, or if it was a knee-jerk reaction. Sometimes giving ourselves a few minutes to explore sensations in our bodies can help us say yes when we want to.

02/17/2025

Does your therapist want you to yell at them? Well maybe not really, but if you’re mad, we want to know. If you feel unheard, we want to know. Often patterns that appear in our relationships with others can also show up with our therapist. Therapy is the perfect place to address these patterns head on. Doing so helps your therapist be more aware of your needs, but also helps you learn how to advocate for yourself with others. So go ahead and speak up even if it feels scary. Bonus if you tell us you’re scared to speak up but are doing it anyway.

02/10/2025

Several years ago I fostered some feral cats. The little neighbor girl fell in love with one of them and decided to tame it. I don’t know what this cat experienced earlier in its life, but if the little neighbor girl had run toward the cat in her desperate desire to just love it, it would have run away. Instead she sat on the porch with a piece of lunch meat, holding still, waiting for the cat to learn it could trust her. Over time, the cat did learn to trust her and decided to be a house cat. Sometimes, when we love someone who has experienced abuse or hurt (maybe even hurt we caused) we rush in to love them when we really need to slow down and show them by our words and actions that they are safe before they are going to feel like they can trust. Sometimes if we are the one who has been hurt, and we want to build or rebuild trust, we may have to watch for signs that we can trust and risk connection with another person.

02/03/2025

If you ever think to yourself ‘my partner is only doing this to get s*x, I encourage you to rethink what that really means. Many of us grew up with the idea that s*x is bad and have developed a ‘shut it down’ knee-jerk reaction. Let’s practice slowing down, avoid shaming desire, AND remind ourselves that our partner’s desire is not a threat or an obligation to satisfy. We get to decide if or when we want to show up and share s*xually with our partner. If you are the higher desire partner- make sure to manage your own feelings if your partner isn’t interested. Pouting, coldness, or anger are not going to help your partner trust you with their s*xuality. Making space for a no creates more safety for a yes.

01/27/2025

In her book, “You Are Not Broken”, Dr Kelly Casperson lists four common reasons why so many women experience high s*xual brakes (things that shut down or prevent s*xual desire). If you experience these brakes- what is your ability to minimize or remove them so that you can create opportunities for increased s*xual pleasure in your life? If your partner experiences these kinds of brakes, what role can you play in helping to minimize or eliminate them?

01/20/2025

Do you lash out at your partner when they’ve disappointed you, let you down, or broken an agreement?

This desire to punish our partner is usually not really about vengeance. It’s about wanting them to feel the same kind of hurt that we feel, so that we feel understood.

But punishment isn’t going to lead our partner to feel more empathy- it’s just going to create reactivity and lead our partner to double down on their own position. Getting mean is just acting out a fantasy wish to feeling safe and understood.

Try giving yourself (and your partner) time to cool down before lashing out to see if you are better able to communicate your fears and hopes in a way that increases the chances of being heard, and also helps you be the kind of person you really want to be.

01/13/2025

When we’ve been hurt, we can learn to hide parts of ourselves in an attempt to keep ourselves safe. If we hide parts of ourselves in therapy, we might be engaging in therapy theater- where we’re going through the motions but continuing to act out patters that are keeping us stuck in our lives. Let therapy be a place where you practice breaking out of old patterns- especially when it’s scary. If your therapist can’t provide a safe place to practice honest vulnerability, find a new therapist.

01/10/2025

We all have stories- the thing we tell ourselves to make sense of our experiences. Sometimes in relationships we get stuck on our own story and don’t think about the “We” story or the cast of characters that have played roles in the story. Have you and your partner thought about your “We” story? Have you shared your cast with your partner?

12/06/2024

I’m so excited to announce that my intern Casey Bowles is now accepting new clients. He will be seeing adolescents 14+, individuals, couples, and families online and in our Centerville office.

He’s a MFT student at National University with a specialty in LGBTQ couples and families.

He will be seeing clients on a sliding scale ($50/$75/$100) based on the green bottle method. Please share with anyone who may be looking for a new therapist.

New clients can schedule with Casey online https://www.sessionsclinicalservices.com/

10/05/2024

An oldie but goodie:

Confidence is knowing what is true. Joy is loving what is true.

Author of the NY Times bestselling book, 'Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your S*x Life,' Dr. Emily Nagoski presents the rese...