09/04/2025
You know when people say foster care isn’t a fast track to adoption, or that you shouldn’t foster just to adopt?
It’s not because we’re against adoption. We’re not. We’re adoptive parents.
But we’ve also learned some things the hard way.
When we first started, we didn’t know the difference.
We signed up thinking adoption would come through foster care.
We honestly thought that was how we would grow our family.
Then the classes started.
We sat in those training rooms and reality hit.
We listened. We cried. We felt the weight of what foster care actually is.
And it changed us.
Because every case starts with reunification.
Every single one.
Even when the damage feels too deep.
Even when the trauma is almost too much to take in.
Even when your gut says, this cannot be right.
The goal is still reunification.
And once you realize that, it changes everything.
Foster care isn’t about building a family.
It’s about stepping right into brokenness on purpose.
It’s about loving kids with everything in you while knowing you might have to let go.
It’s about holding hope for healing, even when goodbye is what healing requires.
When people step in only to adopt, it gets messy.
Not because adoption is bad, but because your heart gets fixed on it.
And when that happens, it’s easy to see parents as the enemy.
It’s easy to root against reunification.
It’s easy to treat termination like it’s a victory.
But that is not what foster care is for.
It’s not supposed to be the back door to parenthood.
Yes, sometimes adoption happens.
Yes, sometimes forever families are needed.
But it should never be the plan from day one.
We foster with open hands now.
We love like they’re ours, even if they never are.
And if a child cannot go home, we say yes to forever with our whole hearts.
But we don’t foster to grow our family.
We foster to be a safe place for as long as we’re needed.
If you feel called to this, please understand that first.
Because these kids deserve more than our dreams. They deserve our honesty.
They deserve adults who can show up for the right reasons.
Foster care is messy. It is holy. It is heartbreaking.
And it will stretch you more than you think you can bear.
But if you walk into it with open hands, it becomes less about what you want and more about what they need.
And that is how it’s supposed to be.