Courage Daily Life Coaching

11/11/2023

04/24/2023

Are You Comfortably Stuck Where You Don’t Want to Be?
Time to break free.

What are you getting out of feeling stuck? It’s serving you somehow. When I stayed in an unsatisfying controlling relationship, what was I getting out of it? Financial stability was one, as he made most of the money. My pride was another. I couldn’t face a failed relationship as it meant I was a failure. I had decided to marry this man and my stubbornness kept me stuck. The biggest one of all, fear…of anything and everything unknown. I was miserable but I had become small through his constant demeaning behavior. Change looked too hard and I felt too weak so opting to stay with the same old, same old is what happened for much longer than it should have.

What are you getting out of being stuck in your old ways, harmful relationships, or habits? If you are a hoarder (even a little bit), perhaps having control over stuff, helps you feel better. If you are a smoker, it’s become your habit and a comfort to smoke, so giving it up feels wrong. There’s something you are getting out of every negative habit, relationship, or lifestyle that keeps you stuck right there. Think it through and find what this is for you. Answers to this might not be pretty.

• Once you find an answer, weigh it against what you’ll get when letting it go.
• Rate how much you want this change, on a scale of 1-10, with 10 meaning you will go through whatever it takes to make the change. Anything rated above an 8 is doable.
• Break the task, or event, into small segments. Take it slow, do one at a time.
• Step through the invisible barrier holding you in place. Is it fear, the comfort of being stuck, or money concerns? Break the barrier down with an action step. Nothing changes without action. Think baby steps here. Maybe you need to find out information, speak up for yourself, or squirrel away some money to do the opposite of what you are stuck in. In my case, I had to rent a U-Haul truck and leave. It was the best decision of my life.

Think about this quote. We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Have you reached this point yet? Do you need to wait until you feel the pain is so great? Can you budge out of the comfort zone that keeps you stuck now?

If you need outside help to find the courage you need, then seek it out. Through your church, your friends, a therapist, or a life coach, you can become stronger. My sister gave me a book that totally changed my backbone. It’s called, “Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting,” By Lynn Grabhorn. This helped me get my mind wrapped around making a big change and sticking to it. Books, quotes, and encouragement is very helpful!

Time is passing by quickly. Do the change now. Break out of the old habit, the bad relationship, the negative thinking. You can do this, and it’s time.

11/30/2022

Are you Actively Speeding Up the Aging Process?

Julia retired from a fast-paced corporate job about three years ago. At first, she had a difficult time figuring out what to do with all her time. She even slipped into depression seeking medical help and anti-depressants to help her through this change in her life. Eventually she became accustomed to having her time unscheduled, not producing for a company, and having low interaction with others. About two years into her retirement, she liked sitting in her chair reading the day away. She became fearful of riding her bike or walking as she might fall and get hurt. Julia knew her aches and pains were contributed to getting older, and she accepted this. She exercised only with an occasional walk on nice weather days. Going to the gym by herself was not fun as she felt others looked at her as frail and old. Julia found herself thinking about all her health problems, although they were minimal, wondering if this would be how she would die. She attempted to learn a new language online but found it frustrating that she could not retain and learn new information quickly. By the third year of retirement, she felt old, acted old, and was treated old when she went out of her home. Is it possible that Julia speeded up her aging process by thinking and then acting old?

“Why Positive Thinking Acts Like Botox for the Brain,” by Leah Hardy states, “As we get older, we might start to think we are too creaky of brain and body to fulfill our dreams of taking piano lessons, climbing Machu Pichu or learning Italian. But hard evidence shows that it's not our age that makes our brains less effective, it's thinking we are too old to learn and do new things.”

Julia began thinking and experiencing old age before she needed to. She was healthy and active, but let it slide. She had a brilliant mind that only a few years back directed and managed a large team of workers. Her mental attitude about her changing lifestyle affected her aging. Researchers have found that negative thoughts can lead to premature cell death which equals aging. Your outlook, your personality plus how upbeat you are impacts not just on how you feel but also how your cells age.

What is a positive aging outlook? Here’s a few examples. “With years comes lots of wisdom. I can make good choices now that I’ve had so much experience. I can do so much to maintain my good health. Every day is a new experience, and I meet each one head on. I’m showered and ready for the day.” It’s documented that those believing in positive aging stereotypes live 7.5 years longer than those who believe negative stereotypes.

Facing health setbacks, financial worries, and relationship challenges with simple optimism can change the trajectory of events. Believing you are helpless and frail, that you can’t do certain things due to your age, makes life stressful, overwhelming, and could raise the risk of ill health. I agree that we feel the effects of our bodies aging, but is it possible we are making it worse? What positive statements can you think about your health, how your body feels right now, or how old you are? Studies show that if you see aging and all that comes with it, part of your own personal growth, you may enjoy better health into your 70’s and beyond.

“How do I go about changing this negative view I have acquired over a lifetime to give my brain a “shot of Botox?” Start small. Take time every day to remember the good that the day has brought you. Meditate or contemplate what’s going right. Try journaling about your own gratefulness. As much as possible find the good in the present situation. Spend time with positive thinkers and people who help you feel good about life. I agree that we feel the effects of our bodies aging, but is it possible we are making it worse? Seek help from a professional coach or therapist if you need direction on permanently switching your thinking to a more positive view.

Let’s give ourselves Botox for the brain, as encouraged by Leah Hardy. No needle or injections required just simply thinking positively to find the bright side of the 60’s, 70’s and more.

01/10/2022

Life Coaching will help you find the courage within for your life challenges.

12/09/2021

#2022 goals
board
Year Resolutions

We're used to creating lists of resolutions, but this approach rarely works. How about lazer-focusing on just one goal?

12/09/2021

11/03/2020

Mood Music

I’ve encouraged women to tune in to music lately. I remember a day that wasn’t going very well for me. I was feeling down, lonely, and crabby. When I put on my favorite YouTube station, it immediately and noticeably lifted my mood. For many years, I had no idea what kind of music I liked. I listened to church music, and that was it. But, after going through a difficult divorce and being on my own, I experimented with radio stations to see what kind of music captured my attention. It ended up to be smooth jazz. Interestingly enough, I had never seriously listened to jazz before and had NO idea that I would love it so much. Now hearing the saxophone or keyboard mixed with this style, lifts my mood considerably almost everyday!

This is not new to science. Researchers have studied this already, actually for centuries. (Who knew?) The majority of research is about how music can actually tap into the process of comfort, relief and enjoyment.* Susan Boothby quotes in her article, “Does Music Affect Your Mood,” a study in 2013 that found that people who listened to upbeat music could improve their moods and boost their happiness in just two weeks. Also that music therapy programs can be designed to achieve goals such as managing stress, enhancing memory, and alleviating pain.

In the last days of my mom’s life, Hospice sent in a musician to sing and play guitar for her. I was there one day during the visit. The songs were pure comfort to me that day as I watched my mom slip away. Hospice knows the power of music.
After reviewing 25 trials, researchers concluded that music is a valid therapy to potentially reduce depression and anxiety, as well as to improve mood, self-esteem, and quality of life.
Also know, that studies have found that for some people, sad music can cause negative feelings of profound grief. I think we’ve all experienced that at one time or another. Let’s stay away from the sad stuff for now!
Today, if you need a boost, try mood music (the music YOU choose that lifts your mood). It’s free, low risk, and there were no negative side effects reported on any of the trials. What kind will you pick?
https://www.healthline.com/health-news/mental-listening-to-music-lifts-or-reinforces-mood-051713
Suzanne Boothby, April 13, 2017

New research shows that even sad music can lift your mood, while other studies suggest music can boost happiness and reduce anxiety.

10/13/2020

The Color Gray
Divorce in the 50’s-60’s-70’s

Life is good. You’re breezing along now, having adjusted to the empty nest, with a good job and comfortable finances. Out of the blue, your husband comes home and says he wants a divorce. Whoa, what? Your world just came to a full stop.

Gray divorce is on the rise. The divorce rate for people aged 50 and older has doubled, with this part of the population making up a growing share of U.S. marital splits. By 2015, one in four people getting divorced was 50 or older, up from one in ten in 1990, according to sociologist Susan Brown, co-director of the National Center for Family & Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University.* A younger friend of mine was totally stumped by this statistic. Why, after so many years of adjusting to someone, would there be divorce when reaching age 50, 60, or beyond?

Some reasons:

▪ The failure of the marriage may have begun long before the day your husband (or you) asked for divorce. That’s the case with mine anyway. I guesstimate, in hindsight, mine was about 20 years before the divorce was final. Nevertheless, it was an earth shaking revelation to me that divorce was eminent. It changed the course of the rest of my life.

▪ Some women have accepted marital abuse in one form or another, due to raising the kids and needing the financial help during those years. When the kids leave, the marriage is not providing the support and care to keep going.

▪ We are all living longer! This means that when you reach your 60’s you think ahead to life twenty years in the future or so. That’s a long time, and spending your last days with someone you no longer love or want to be with, makes gray divorce a heavily considered option.

▪ Research has shown that with the stigma of divorce decreasing, those who have gown unsatisfied with their marriages may be more likely to use the opportunity to pursue their own interests. *

The devastation that comes with a late in life heartbreak can be endured and turned into positive outcomes. It’s possible to find incredible peace where there was chaos, or set in motion changes in you that you never realized needed to happen. A change could be better health, as your blood pressure stabilizes and you begin to focus on taking care of you. Maybe you personally grow in financial management, or figure out interests and strengths never tapped into before, or just enjoy the feeling of self care, making your own decisions on how that would look. Occasionally, people find love again where they NEVER thought they could.

However, right now, if your heart feels broken, that seems unreachable.

After the divorce, if you are feeling forever down, unable to snap back, feeling drained of energy or courage to start life over, you may benefit greatly from a Coach. Coaches promote ways to encourage strength and courage as you face the imposing challenge of beginning again. With Courage Daily Life Coaching you’ll find someone to listen, ask the right questions, then provide support to help you find your way, one step at a time. Remember you are not alone. Unless you want to be. Thousands of women have started over and found everyday happiness. Let this be YOU.

Web site: CourageDaily.com
Facebook: Courage Daily Life Coaching
*Brown, S.L. and Lin, I-F. The gray divorce revolution: rising divorce among middle-aged and older adults 1990-2010. Journals of Gerontology, Series B, Psychological Services and Social Services, 67, No. 6: 731-741. October 9, 2012.

09/23/2020

09/23/2020

I read an excellent article by Vicki Stark, MSW, MFT, about the one word that keeps you stuck after a serious life event. The word is WHY? Why is he so mean to me? Why did he leave? Why did my job end? Why are my kids not talking to me? Why this pandemic? This word will stop you in your tracks, because there's no answer to satisfy us. She suggests that to stop this endless questioning swirling in our head, take an imaginary sissors, and cut out the word WHY in each sentence and reconfigure the sentence without the WHY. Try this today, to start accepting the event happened. It helps!