Embolden Psychology

09/23/2025

On Labeling Emotions

Research suggests that the simple act of putting your feelings into words lowers your psychological distress. So practice using as many descriptive words as you can to identify how you’re feeling. If you’re stressed, try to tease out what additional feelings that brings up. Are you overwhelmed? Anxious? Fearful? What else?

This labeling can take any form. It can be talking to someone, writing it down, working with your therapist, or self-talk about how you’re feeling.

To help you build emotional self-awareness,  psychologists at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence have developed a free app called ‘How We Feel’, which has 144 different words to describe your feelings (such as “excluded,” “lonely,” “engaged” and “glum”) as well as their definitions.

Try:
https://howwefeel.org/?campaign_

Read:
https://embolden.world/doors-behind-doors-secondary-emotions/

09/16/2025

As the saying goes, “friends are the family you choose”.  Research increasingly shows that friendships are an integral part of mental health.  Friendships also change across the lifespan, but remain significant and cherished.

Read:
https://embolden.world/the-ingredients-of-friendship/?

Strong friendships are a critical aspect of most people's emotional well-being. Psychology research indicates that close friendships are associated with greater happiness, self-esteem, goal orientation, and sense of purpose. These bonds are even associated with physical outcomes, such as lower bl...

09/15/2025

Social effectiveness requires practice.

Pitfalls include over apologizing, over -personalizing, poor eye contact, not asking for help, second-guessing, and inattention to self-care.

Read,  on interpersonal habits that  sabotage effective communication with friends, colleagues, supervisors, and partners:

https://embolden.world/11-habits-that-hijack-social-effectiveness/

09/09/2025

Can Therapy Make You Feel Worse?
Yes…at times.

1. You're Uncovering Trauma
Therapy is a healing process. And often to heal your mind, you’ve got to go backwards and deal with some traumatic stuff that happened in your past. No matter how deep your trauma, dealing with negative events is never easy. Feeling negative emotions is difficult and yes, painful.
But ultimately dealing with these emotions will help you move forward.

2. You're Not Used To Feeling Your Feelings
Lots of people repress their emotions. It’s actually extremely common, and one of the reasons people seek out therapy. Through therapy, you learn to feel, understand, and work through negative emotions. But if you’re not used to feeling those hard feelings, if you’ve been holding back negative emotions for years, when you first start to let yourself FEEL those feelings, it's uncomfortable and often painful.

3. You're Changing
Change is hard work. And part of therapy is making positive changes in your life. But just because a change is for the best doesn’t mean it’s EASY. For example, maybe you’ve realized the relationship you’re in isn’t healthy and you need to break it off. Or maybe you’ve realized you need to set boundaries with a certain friend of family member. You find that you haven’t been expressing yourself with your partner. All of these are not easy.


4. People In Your Life Aren't Always Supportive
As you heal, some people in your life may not like you r growth and change. They’ll say they miss the old you.

While part of the therapeutic process is learning to choose yourself and make lasting, positive changes in your life, that doesn’t mean everyone around you is going to be excited for you. So, if you’ve got people in your life who see your new changes as a “betrayal” or a “negative change,” that is extremely painful and difficult. Especially when these people are who you are very close with.

5. You're Not Seeing Progress
This could happen for 2 reasons:

-Therapy Is A Process
Despite people’s desires, therapy isn’t a magic wand. Because of our complex emotions and lives, therapy takes time. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association, many people don’t see any results for at least 6-12 sessions.

So if you’re still in your therapy adjustment period and you’re questioning “is it normal to feel worse at the beginning of therapy?” take into account that therapy takes time. It’s only a few hours per month, and a lot of living happens in between.

-On top of that, therapy ebbs like waves. You may have a few months of extreme healing and progress. Then, things may plateau. But this isn’t a bad thing. Instead of rushing to see results, try to enjoy the small wins.

-You Aren't Being As Open And Honest As You Think
You only get out of therapy what you put in. If you’ve been going to therapy for months and aren’t seeing results, it may be time to reevaluate how honest you’re being in your sessions. It can be tempting to paint yourself in the best light. People are fearful of being judged, even by their therapist.

6. Therapy stirs up things that you don’t think about on a daily basis. It forces you to take a look at sadness, grief, anger, which we do not do on a daily basis in general. This can feel discomfiting.  Sometimes I hear clients say that they avoided Therapy for years because it hurts too much.

7. Fear of loss of confidentiality. It’s natural to fear imparting information that could potentially be shared with a family member, colleague, or someone that you prefer not to share personal matters with. Although mental health professionals are bound by confidentiality and privacy ethics, it’s natural to fear being vulnerable.

09/04/2025

https://embolden.world/seven-days-a-mental-health-challenge/

The Real Luxuries (art, courtesy of ).

08/09/2025

What is hyperarousal?

From the mental health archives

When your nervous system is over- activated, reactive, or has difficulty soothing itself, symptoms can manifest in daily lives.  Both PTSD and C-PTSD include forms of hyperarousal.

In hyperarousal, you may have physical or emotional symptoms, including:

Wanting to stay in the house or a safe place.

 Feeling easily disrupted by changes in routine or last minute transitions.

A dislike of loud or hectic situations or settings.

Also:

• Being constantly on the lookout for potential danger or threats.
• Thinking or worrying about things a lot, even after situations have been resolved.
• Feeling jumpy or easily startled.
• Feeling that your heart is racing, pounding, or flip-flopping (heart palpitations.
• Vivid memories or flashbacks of traumatic situations from your past.
• Extreme sensitivity to sounds, smells, textures, or sights (sensory reactivity).
• Having a hard time falling asleep, staying asleep (insomnia) or restless sleep even when you’re tired,  interspersed with periods of exhaustion after becoming overwhelmed.
• Outbursts of anger or rage.
• Trembling or shaking.
• Breathing fast or feeling dizzy or lightheaded.
• Sweating or feeling hot or flushed.

08/03/2025

Cool down by eating hot. Food is mood.

Read: https://embolden.world/hurts-so-good-neuropsychology-and-chili-peppers/

07/26/2025

Now offering bereavement and grief therapy for loss of a furry companion.

https://embolden.world/mental-health-benefits-of-having-a-companion-animal/

07/22/2025

Stress is multifaceted. When we are stressed, it can affect our body, mind, thoughts, and focus.

Read:
https://embolden.world/how-to-reduce-anxiety-on-the-go-strategies-that-work/

07/07/2025

The psychology of loyalty
From the Couples Therapy archives at

People tend to define loyalty by what it is not (for example, not being betrayed, cheated on, humiliated, or abandoned), but it represents much more than the absence of mistreatment. In couples therapy as in all important relationships, loyalty promotes mental health.

Characteristics of Loyalty

Loyalty is faithfulness, dedication, honesty, trust, and support in a relationship. It requires an emotional commitment and engenders a sense of identity. Most importantly, it provides a feeling of having somebody with you in the world, someone who has your back, and will not intentionally hurt you.

Components of loyalty :

Support
Loyalty means being there for someone through their highs and lows.  Research shows that when people experience a sense of loyalty in a relationship, they are more open to receiving feedback, reflecting on their behavior, and working on personal change.

Acceptance
Loyalty involves accepting and loving someone for who they are and not threatening to leave when things become challenging. It is an acknowledgment of the other person‘s vulnerability, and your mindful decision not to hurt them.

Consistency
Loyalty means being consistent in your treatment, behavior, and regard for another—being the person they can count on. In my couples therapy work, I call this a ‘safe landing’.

 Positive reinforcement
Giving words of encouragement, validation, and affirmation are components of a loyal relationship. In behavioral therapy, positive reinforcement increases a (desired) behavior.

Transparency
Being vulnerable and not hiding parts of you are important aspects of loyalty. People who share their thoughts and feelings display a willingness to be known and to know others in an authentic, open way. It encourages mutual trust.

Mental Health
Loyalty helps build positive self-image, self-efficacy, and self-esteem, all important for mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Knowing you have people who have your back and will be there for you when you need them can help you feel secure and less alone.

How to Build Loyalty
Show appreciation: Show that you value the person. Communicate how important their presence is in your life. Don’t take them for granted. Showing someone your loyalty can foster their loyalty, too.

Be supportive: Offer encouragement when they're struggling, and help them face their problems. Don’t give up on them when challenges arise. They should know you’re there for them through thick and thin.

Maintain their confidence: If they share their secrets, hopes, plans, fears, or insecurities with you, respect their privacy and avoid passing judgment.

Keep promises: Make it a point to follow through on commitments. Be honest if you can't do something.

Honor your relationship: Be faithful in whatever way you and your partner personally define that.

Be honest: Don't keep secrets. Be authentic with them, even when vulnerability is uncomfortable. Being your true self helps promote trust and loyalty.

Act in their best interests: Acting on ulterior motives, talking behind their back, or embarrassing them in public shows disloyalty.

Address problems within the relationship: Manage issues directly instead of talking about them to other people. This shows that you value your relationship and encourages communication.

Treat them fairly: If you’re having a disagreement, consider their perspective, even if it clashes with yours. Ignoring or avoiding difficult conversations can cause issues later on. Having to be right or win an argument is a loss to loyalty.

Use active listening:  Reflection, clarification, and letting the other person have their say are skills that require practice and promote loyalty.

06/24/2025

Lessons from the pandemic. Truer than ever.

I was recently interviewed for a piece on mental health for VerywellMind about things I have learned from the pandemic. The question was: As both one who is living through this and helping others live through this, what are the lessons that most come to mind for you? Seven things…

05/31/2025

Emotional or mental abuse can be insidious.

From the therapy archives at