01/19/2026
Skill of the Week: Reduce anxiety by tolerating it. This is an anxious time. When we are anxious, it is natural to avoid whatever provokes it. I am scared of snakes, so I run away when I see one. If you're afraid of public speaking, you avoid all scenarios in which you'd have to speak to a group. So what do I mean when I recommend tolerating your current anxiety? First, validate your fears: they make sense. Of course you're anxious. That anxiety may have its roots in your personal history, but even if not, anxiety seems to be in the water these days, and we're all dipping our cups into that water. Next, remember that all anxiety starts with the phrase, "What if...?" When we think we can't tolerate anxiety, we go into denial: it won't happen, or if it does I'll move away/quit my job/leave the country. Well, what if your big fear does come true? Make a realistic action plan for that - what will you do? With whom will you seek comfort, and how? One way you may be trying to reduce your anxiety about loss is by compulsively checking the news. It would be skillful, instead, to ignore the headlines, and tolerate your anxiety. This sends your brain the message that you can, in fact, tolerate not only uncertainty, but the possibility of Bad News. You are strong! On the flip side, giving your brain the message that you cannot tolerate anxiety sends it into a death spiral: the more anxious you are, the more you take steps to avoid feeling anxiety, the more you are stuck with your anxiety. You become someone who cannot stand *not* reading the latest commentaries daily. What about consuming the news? I recommend that my patients not do this before bed, but complete avoidance of all news is unlikely to reduce anxiety. Declaring a moratorium on the news after 3:00 p.m., or only skimming headlines and never before bed, has been shown to reduce anxiety. I recently read of a new study about conspiracy theories: it turns out that the conspiracy theory targets those who are feeling anxiety about loss, but can't tolerate that feeling. In fact, researchers found that this intolerance intensifies the impulse not only to believe in conspiracy theories, but to also share these theories with others on social media, because it helps the person feel safe and secure in their belief in something if others agree with them. In short, then, in order to reduce anxiety, tolerate it. Make a plan - maybe you'll schedule your anxiety for only 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. and at other hours will tell your brain, "Stop!"; plan your news consumption (how much, when?). Make plan that emphasizes tolerating anxiety and it will decrease.
