Dr. Kristi Webb

Dr. Kristi Webb I am a psychologist in private practice. I work with adults who are struggling with depression, anxiety, trauma, substance abuse, and life transitions.

Some are suicidal and/or self-harming. I am a DBT therapist as well as using other therapies. See my Pinterest board at www.pinterest.com/drkristiwebb/

03/09/2026

Skill of the Week: Don't compare your insides with someone else's outsides. It's so easy to feel less-than. It's tempting to believe the myth that by striving to look like Beyonce we'll be more at ease in our bodies, or that if only we could be invited to give a TED talk we'd be respected; we wish we were more like our brother - HE's really smart and successful! We tell ourselves that such comparisons motivate us to do better. What they actually do is make us feel awful about ourselves, and they're not effective in getting us to change. What we're doing is comparing our insides - our thoughts, feelings, values - to someone else's outsides - the picture they present to the world. We don't have any real idea of what goes on inside that person, whether Beyonce is at ease in her body, whether Brene Brown (a darling of TED talks) believes that she commands respect, whether your brother sees himself as smart and accomplished. Social media can be a culprit in promoting such comparisons; it's important to remind ourselves that on social media people are often presenting the selves they want others to see. Your friend from high school may feel just as awkward and anxious as you do, but it's unlikely she's going to say so on her Instagram feed. It is not helpful, and it can be harmful to yourself, to compare how you feel on the inside with the pretty picture you see on the outside of others.

03/02/2026

Skill of the Week: You can't think your way into right action, but you can act your way into right thinking. It's cold out and you don't want to exercise. Work is boring and you don't want to go. You have a presentation coming up and you'd rather just hide under the bed. In general, if you wait around until you feel like it, you'll be dead 45 minutes already. I mean, who wants to get out of bed on a chilly morning? Smile when you're cranky or preoccupied or anxious? But bring the body, and the mind will follow: bring your body to the task, and your mind will get the message and get into line. Plaster on that (half) smile, and you really will start to feel a bit more pleasant. But try talking yourself into a better mood? Probably not gonna happen, because you can't think your way into right action, but you can act your way into right thinking.

02/23/2026

Skill of the Week: PLEASE. This is a really important skill at this time of year, when we may have been hibernating due to the cold. If we aren't healthy and rested and fed we are unlikely to be able to maintain an even emotional keel. So I teach the acronym PLEASE, which I get from Marsha Linehan's DBT. PL is for treating PhysicaL illness. Got your flu shot? Got refills of all your medications? The first E is for Eating the amounts and the foods that are right for you. You know how awful your body feels - and hence your mind, too - when you overeat or when you eat too much Valentine's candy. It's really, really hard to stay balanced emotionally when our bodies don't feel right. A is for Avoiding mood-altering drugs (unless prescribed). Have a glass of wine, but keep your consumption in balance and if your habit is to overdo when you're stressed, then perhaps not doing at all is wisest this time. S is for getting the amount of Sleep that's right for you: neither too much nor too little. And the final E is for Exercise, again in the amount that is right for you. If your body is healthy, I guarantee that you'll be more emotionally resilient.

02/16/2026

Skill of the Week: Half-Smile. Our body communicates with our brain. There is robust research on using Botox as a treatment for depression, the connection being that when users' faces couldn't frown or look sad, their moods were brighter. That's the idea behind this skill. Let the muscles of your face, neck, and shoulders relax; let the corners of your mouth turn up just slightly. Experience the impact of a half-smile on your state of mind. Don't worry about trying to change your mood state, although you may notice a shift in it. This is a serene facial expression often seen in statues of the Buddha. Wearing a half-smile can help your mood relax and be more serene, too.

02/09/2026

Skill of the Week: Drop the Rope. I was fortunate to see the Buddhist Monks on their Walk for Peace recently. In a talk, their leader said that if one person hands you a burning rope, and you grab it, you'll both become barbecue. The solution is to drop (or not pick up) the rope. If you're a passionate person, this one can be really hard to do (and really valuable!). If you're struggling to get someone to see things your way, or to do something, or to give you something, it can escalate until you're in a tug of war. When that happens, drop the rope. Just let it go. Don't walk away mad (all the while muttering under your breath); stay there, but drop the rope. Watch what happens next. It's amazing what can develop when we aren't rigidly opposed to the other "side", when we aren't digging our feet in, hauling with all our might in our direction. So if your kid wants to go to school in shorts when it is 27 degrees out, drop the rope: breathe, and take an attitude of curiosity - why is this so important to them? Is there a middle path? If you and your housemate are passionately arguing over whose turn it is to do the dishes, drop the rope: breathe, smile, and walk away. The worst that can happen is that the dishes don't get washed. Non-violent protesters drop the rope: they form a community, they sing, they chant, they protect each other, but they don't argue. I don't even care for barbecue - I certainly don't want to become it!

02/02/2026

Skill of the Week: One-mindfully. Wow, this is a really hard one! Our culture is so dedicated to multitasking and speed, arguing that we're more "efficient" when we talk on the phone while driving and eating our lunch (we're not). Being one-mindful is difficult - our minds don't really like it. But being one-mindful is skillful for several reasons. First, it's more effective; research shows that multitasking leads to mistakes that later we have to take the time to go back and correct. Second, according to more and more research, being mindful actually changes some of our brain's structures, diminishing our automatic stress response and improving working memory (the mental scratch pad). Finally, being one-mindful promotes attention and concentration. To act one-mindfully, do only one thing at a time, deliberately, and with awareness. This is. of course, easier to do when you are interested in something than when you are not. We can shower, drive, eat, walk, talk, and listen one-mindfully. Using this skill - in addition to conferring benefits in productivity - allows us to side-step anxious, sad, angry, guilty, and ashamed thoughts. Of course, it's entirely possible to be one-mindful of those thoughts and feelings if you choose, but you will probably find it more challenging. When all else fails, return your attention to your breath, breathing in and out one-mindfully.

01/26/2026

Skill of the Week: Selfishness. As a psychotherapist, I think selfishness has gotten a bad rap. I want people to be selfish. I don't mean that I want folks to be only about themselves, but I definitely want them to know that they have needs, that they deserve to get those needs met, and that sometimes the only way to get our needs met is to meet them ourselves. Too often, a patient will object, "I can't go to yoga class because that leaves my husband alone with the kids - that would be selfish!" My response is, "Yup - it sure is. Good for you for taking care of yourself!" Many of us have been brought up with the idea that we must sacrifice our comfort for that of others, that we must be hard on ourselves and easy on others. Like most ideas, this one is fine in moderation. This week, strive to be just a little bit selfish, even if that means that you disappoint someone else (they'll get over it).

01/19/2026

Skill of the Week: Reduce anxiety by tolerating it. This is an anxious time. When we are anxious, it is natural to avoid whatever provokes it. I am scared of snakes, so I run away when I see one. If you're afraid of public speaking, you avoid all scenarios in which you'd have to speak to a group. So what do I mean when I recommend tolerating your current anxiety? First, validate your fears: they make sense. Of course you're anxious. That anxiety may have its roots in your personal history, but even if not, anxiety seems to be in the water these days, and we're all dipping our cups into that water. Next, remember that all anxiety starts with the phrase, "What if...?" When we think we can't tolerate anxiety, we go into denial: it won't happen, or if it does I'll move away/quit my job/leave the country. Well, what if your big fear does come true? Make a realistic action plan for that - what will you do? With whom will you seek comfort, and how? One way you may be trying to reduce your anxiety about loss is by compulsively checking the news. It would be skillful, instead, to ignore the headlines, and tolerate your anxiety. This sends your brain the message that you can, in fact, tolerate not only uncertainty, but the possibility of Bad News. You are strong! On the flip side, giving your brain the message that you cannot tolerate anxiety sends it into a death spiral: the more anxious you are, the more you take steps to avoid feeling anxiety, the more you are stuck with your anxiety. You become someone who cannot stand *not* reading the latest commentaries daily. What about consuming the news? I recommend that my patients not do this before bed, but complete avoidance of all news is unlikely to reduce anxiety. Declaring a moratorium on the news after 3:00 p.m., or only skimming headlines and never before bed, has been shown to reduce anxiety. I recently read of a new study about conspiracy theories: it turns out that the conspiracy theory targets those who are feeling anxiety about loss, but can't tolerate that feeling. In fact, researchers found that this intolerance intensifies the impulse not only to believe in conspiracy theories, but to also share these theories with others on social media, because it helps the person feel safe and secure in their belief in something if others agree with them. In short, then, in order to reduce anxiety, tolerate it. Make a plan - maybe you'll schedule your anxiety for only 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. and at other hours will tell your brain, "Stop!"; plan your news consumption (how much, when?). Make plan that emphasizes tolerating anxiety and it will decrease.

01/12/2026

Skill of the Week: Breathe for Peace. In November of 2025, a group of 24 Buddhist monks set out, on foot, to walk 2300 miles from Fort Worth, Texas, to Washington, DC. They walk in silence, mindfully meditating on peace as they go: one step at a time, breathing in, breathing out. They are accompanied by Aloka the Peace Dog. Their story is quite remarkable, but I want to focus on how, with every step, they are breathing for peace. They posted this prayer that they use as they go: May our friends be well, happy, and peaceful. May all indifferent persons be well, happy, and peaceful. May any unfriendly persons be well, happy, and peaceful. May all beings in this area/our city/our state/our country/the Universe be well, happy, and peaceful. May the suffering ones be suffering-free. May the fearful be free from fear. May the grieving shed all grief. May you and all beings be well, happy, and at peace.

01/05/2026

Skill of the Week: Hope. Hope isn't passive; it's not something we either have or don't have, like brown eyes. Hope is a skill and it takes practice. Let's start with what hope is not: it's not optimism. Optimists have the ongoing attitude that things are going to turn out OK. "It'll be fine," says the optimist, and they may even engage in some denial of how awful things are right now. Hope, on the other hand, is what we have when we see a path forward and we set our intention to roll up our sleeves and get to work. Hope comes with a sense of agency: I can do this. Using the skill of hope starts with having a clear goal, then making a plan to achieve it. Optimists may deny the obstacles to success; those using the skill of hope adapt to the roadblocks. Hope is often best exercised in community, because that can help us overcome discouragement. Whether it's working for racial justice, celebrating a holiday with family and/or friends, or learning skills to regulate your emotions and tolerate distress, it's easier to be hopeful in a group all working for the same thing. Hopelessness is one of the symptoms of depression. Hope and hopelessness can both come and go. It has been easy to feel not only rage, but despair and hopelessness, watching global events in 2025. Using the skill of hope means that we focus our attention on one thing (such as caring for children or volunteering for a cause we believe in), then we make a plan and get busy. In other words, we choose to use the skill of hope.

12/29/2025

Skill of the Week: Celebrate! At first glance, this seems like an easy one: everyone knows how to celebrate, right? You make a lot of noise, eat a lot of food, drink a lot of beer. Before you skip away from this screen, though, take a moment to reflect on this skill. First of all, it really is a skill: not everyone knows how to celebrate. When we celebrate, what are we actually doing? We're marking an important occasion - a milestone; we're rejoicing; we're honoring the hard work and sacrifices we (or someone else) made to get us to this place; we're recognizing that we endured up till now. When we celebrate skillfully we take the time to pause and look at how far we've come (in weight loss, in sobriety, in school, in our partnership, in years, in recovery from an illness, in miles). We compare where we are now to where we used to be, and we may tip our hat to the progress we've made. To celebrate skillfully may not mean making noise; it can be done quietly, by oneself, just as well as it can be done with friends, or in a crowd. It can be just as celebratory to write a poem as to cheer at the top of your lungs. However you do it, please celebrate intentionally - and safely - this week.

12/22/2025

Skill of the Week: Cope Ahead. We all, at times, just know that whatever we are about to face is going to be brutal. Maybe it's a visit home (the holidays!), maybe it's a conversation with your partner, or a project at work (the end of the year!), or a test at school (the end of the semester!). We each tend to know what will set us off and leave us feeling destabilized and upset. Coping Ahead is the skill we use to prepare for these events. As I have said previously, we don't have to get through them with dignity, elegance, and grace, but we can get through them. We plan for the event by imagining it in as much detail as possible, including all the problems we fear will occur. Then we rehearse in our minds exactly how we will deal with those problems. What will we say, how will we say it, what will we think, and what actions will we take? Where will we be standing or sitting? Play the scene out to the very end, anticipating what could go wrong. This is very different from ruminating, because once we have rehearsed how we will cope, we can set the thoughts aside (see the skill of Pushing Away Thoughts), confident that we are well-prepared.

Address

104 So Estes Drive, Suite 206
Chapel Hill, NC
27514

Opening Hours

Monday 10am - 7pm
Tuesday 1:30pm - 6:30pm
Wednesday 9am - 5:30pm

Telephone

+19192251569

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Dr. Kristi Webb posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on LinkedIn
Share on Pinterest Share on Reddit Share via Email
Share on WhatsApp Share on Instagram Share on Telegram

Category

Our Story

I am a psychologist in private practice. I work with adults who are struggling with depression, anxiety, trauma, substance abuse, and life transitions. Some are suicidal and/or self-harming. I am a DBT therapist as well as using other therapies. My page sends out the Skill of the Week each Monday morning. My pronouns are she, her, hers.