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Monday 10am - 7pm Tuesday 1:30pm - 6:30pm Wednesday 9am - 5:30pm

Dr. Kristi Webb

I am a psychologist in private practice. I work with adults who are struggling with depression, anxiety, trauma, substance abuse, and life transitions.

Some are suicidal and/or self-harming. I am a DBT therapist as well as using other therapies. See my Pinterest board at www.pinterest.com/drkristiwebb/

09/15/2025

Skill of the Week: Broken Record. When we are asking for what we want, or saying no to a request, it can be very tempting to get sucked into a discussion with the other person about the timing of our request, whether it's a reasonable request, about how busy the other person is, about how we left the cap off the toothpaste LAST WEEK and that justifies not getting what we are asking for now.... There are many examples of these big, fat, juicy worms that are on the end of a hook; we're the fish, and we bite down and are promptly dragged away from our original request or "no" statement. The skill of Broken Record can be very useful here. State your request (or say no) calmly and firmly, over and over and over and over again. Do not get dragged into a debate. Ignore verbal attacks. Stay on course. If you try this I'd love to know how it goes.

09/08/2025

Skill of the Week: Don't Talk to Anyone Else Today. Sometimes it seems like we're just not fit for human consumption. Every time we open our mouths, we get ourselves into trouble. We're cranky and irritable, or tearful, or tongue-tied. Maybe we pick a fight with the customer service rep at the cable company (this may be easy to do), or snarl at the barista, or get irritated with ourselves because we couldn't hear what the cashier was asking us and held up the line asking, "Excuse me? Excuse me?" If that's your day, stop. Don't talk to anyone else for the rest of the day. You know how an animal will freeze when it's scared, holding very still so as not to attract attention until danger passes? That's you. Just don't move, and wait for the danger to pass. It will, but in the meantime, don't talk to anyone else today. Keep still, and breathe, and enjoy the quiet.

09/01/2025

Skill of the Week: Think Dialectically. This means recognizing that there is always more than one side to any situation; there are very few absolutes in life. (Child abuse is wrong is one absolute). When we think dialectically we let go of extremes, of either-or; we look for both-and. We ask ourselves, "what am I missing here?" "Is there a middle path?" The choice may not be between going to the party or not going to the party; what if you went for 30 minutes? If you are committed to shopping locally, you may refuse to set foot in WalMart or Target but still use Kohl's. The world is full of opposites and opposing forces; thinking dialectically means that we look for the connection, the similarity, the way in which two things that seem like opposites can both be true at the same time. You are independent and you want help. You can be with others and be lonely. You can be mad at someone and still love and respect him/her. You can disagree with the rules and also follow the rules. You can accept reality and work to change it.

08/25/2025

Skill of the Week: Identify, Don't Compare. It's very easy to tell ourselves how different we are from everyone around us. Sometimes that's even true. Focusing on our differences, though, tends to leave us feeling isolated and alone, lonely and sad, maybe even angry that no one "gets" us. Remembering to identify, not compare, is a way to find some thread of connection, no matter how slender, with another person. Not every single situation is a repeat of those 7th grade dances when we hugged the wall and felt less-than because everyone else was having a good time and we just felt awkward; for one thing, we're older and more accomplished now. So in any group watch out for the impulse to compare yourselves to others ('they're having more fun... are better-dressed... are better-prepared...know more... are more accomplished..."). Instead we can choose to search actively for things we have in common with the people around us. This can be hard - sometimes the only thing we seem to have in common is that we're both human beings and breathe air - but the effort is worthwhile in order to decrease our isolation.

08/18/2025

Skill of the Week: Learn How to Say No. A lot of us have difficulty saying, "No." The list of options below may help you get comfortable with turning people down, refusing to answer nosy or offensive questions, asking people to stop doing something you don't like, and telling others you disagree them. As you develop your "no" muscles, you will feel vastly more empowered, and have more time for yourself and the people you really care about.
1. The enthusiastic (polite/helpful/etc.) part of me would like to say yes, but the rest of me is overcommitted (more realistic/unwilling/etc.).
2. I don't know. I'll have to think that over.
3. I'm going to pass. I'm really trying to slow down my pace these days.
4. That's something I'll have to think about.
5. No, I can't make it. But it was nice of you to ask.
6. That's not for me, thanks.
7. Sorry, but my schedule is too full right now.
8. The part that wants to make you happy wants to say yes, but the rest of me won the vote. I'll pass.
When Someone Does, Asks, or Says or Asks Something Invasive
9. I'm not comfortable with that.
10. I'd like to ask you not to ______________________________.
11. I'd like you to stop __________________________________.
12. Please stop doing that. I don't like it.
13. I'm uncomfortable right now with what you're saying/doing.
14. That's not something I talk about except with family.
15. Let's talk about something else.
When Someone Says Something You Disagree With
16. I see it differently than you do.
17. We certainly don't agree about that.
18. I have a different point of view.
19. My experience of _______________________ is somewhat different.
20. I hear what you are saying, but I don't agree with it.

08/11/2025

Skill of the Week: If You Always Do What You Always Did, You're Gonna Always Get What You Always Got. I probably irritate the heck out of my patients due to the frequency with which I say this, but it's so true. If we want to change, we actually have to do something different. You can't stop drinking by continuing to drink; you can't lose weight by continuing to eat the way you have been; you can't have more rewarding relationships by getting involved with the same kinds of people and responding to them in the same ways you always have. If we want to change, we have to - you know - change. Have you heard that definition of insanity? It's doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. The significant thing to remember, I think, is that our changes don't always have to be dramatic ones (although sometimes they do). Don't eat that candy bar; park a bit further from your destination; call a friend you haven't spoken to in a month; go to the gym just for today. If the change you want is to make some new friends, doing something different doesn't necessarily mean joining a book club and a new church and volunteering at the NPR station's begathon, and taking your dog to the dog park every Saturday (I'm exhausted just writing all that!). Invite a classmate or coworker for coffee. No? OK... but if you always do what you always did, you're gonna always get what you always got.

08/04/2025

Skill of the Week: Writing. This can be a very helpful skill in situations where we are angry, anxious, ashamed, sad, or we need to figure something out. Writing can help us clarify our thoughts and separate facts from the stories we're telling ourselves. Writing out our anger or our fears can reduce them to a more manageable size. I was taught to write in a stream-of-consciousness fashion. This means setting pen to paper for a certain number of minutes (I usually choose 10) and not stopping to think. If you get stuck, I was told, simply write the last word over and over again until your mind unsticks itself. I recommend this skill when I see that people are already emotionally dysregulated, to help them not make the situation worse. I also urge using it when someone is trying to figure something out and there are a lot of moving parts. Writing thoughts and feelings down on paper makes the problem less daunting.

07/28/2025

Skill of the Week: Make a Commitment. Lots of people find that accountability is really helpful to them, especially when it comes to doing something they're not all that crazy about doing. Making a commitment helps us be accountable. This is why exercising with a friend has a better chance of getting you out of bed at 6 a.m. than going alone; you're less likely to skip it if you've made a commitment to a someone. Stopping smoking, losing weight, quitting drinking - we're all pretty familiar with the practice of making a commitment - out loud, to at least one other person - in these endeavors. It can be useful to apply the same skill to other tasks. You can make a commitment to spend less money, to drive more slowly, not to talk on your phone while you drive, to keep your kitchen table free of clutter, to walk 10,000 steps daily, to drink water throughout the day, not to check your phone at meals with friends or family. This skill works for anything. Making a commitment also means choosing the right person to hear it; it's not going to be very helpful to make a commitment to check your phone less often with a friend who will give you a pass if you don't follow through. Sometimes you might even want to set up a reward/penalty system with whoever you make your commitment to. Start, though, by making the commitment at all; that's the first step.

07/21/2025

Skill of the Week: Mind Your Words. There is a lot of research on the relationship between what we say and how we think and feel. Words are important and powerful. If you say, "That destroyed me!" I'm going to challenge you, unless you have literally exploded into tiny bits in front of me. It didn't destroy you; it was uncomfortable and difficult. "I always screw up" is another example: Always? Every single time? You've never done anything other than screw up? Really? (Doubtful). "I can't" is yet another phrase I'll challenge (try "I haven't been able to so far" instead). I recently read someone suggesting that instead of saying we "fall in love" that we say we "rise in love". For some people, "Rest in Power" is more appropriate than "Rest in Peace." And you know how your English teacher was always trying to get you to stop using passive voice? Instead of talking about how many women were assaulted last year, let's talk about how many men assaulted women. It changes the tone, doesn't it? In both public and private conversations, on weighty topics or casual chat, you can mind your words.

07/14/2025

Skill of the Week: Complaining. Yes, complaining is a skill! I think of three types of complaining. First, there is the kind of complaining that is resistant to apologies or new facts. If this person complains that you interrupted them, and you apologize, they keep on complaining. I call this person Wanda Whiner, and that's not what I think of as skillful! Then there's the kind of complaining designed to get a specific result: "This product was defective and I'd like a refund or a replacement." This requires those interpersonal effectiveness skills. The kind of complaining I'm talking about this week, though, is different. It allows us to vent, to get validation, and to find the humor in the situation (eventually). So go ahead: whine and complain to your therapist, your partner, your neighbor, your coworker. As long as you stay open to new facts and new perspectives (such as compassion for the offender), go ahead and wave your arms about and strut up and down and pound the desk. I'm fairly confident that with this attitude, you'll get to the humorous aspects of the situation and be able to let go of the complaint (for now).

07/07/2025

Skill of the Week: Laughter. This is a *great* tool for weathering distress! It's a cliche, of course, that "laughter is the best medicine", and most of us have heard the story of Norman Cousins, editor of "The Saturday Review", and how he cured himself of a spinal disease by watching Marx Brothers movies. Please note that I am not a medical doctor and do not recommend this as your sole course of treatment, but laughter really is healing in many ways! It helps us to, literally, lighten up. For even a brief span of time, our sadness or anger or pain or anxiety are displaced by bubbles of enjoyment, even happiness. When was the last time you laughed until you had tears in your eyes, and you couldn't catch your breath, you were laughing so hard? This stimulates endorphins, which make us feel better. Even if the sensations of pleasure don't last, that's OK: for a moment we get a respite from pain, whether physical or emotional. Of course, another cliche is the person who snaps, "Don't make me laugh - I'm angry at you", or "Don't make me laugh while I'm crying!". Some part of us often wants to hang onto our sorrow or anger or fear; if we can allow ourselves to replace it momentarily with joy, by using the skill of laughter, it will be easier to bear.

06/30/2025

Skill of the Week: Responding to Fear. What a half a year this has already been! Extreme heat, storms, floods, mudslides, mass shootings, warfare, politics - it's hard not to get caught up in anxiety or its cousin, fear. There are skills you can use to manage your fears, whether of the known or unknown. First of all, please validate yourself: it makes sense to feel fear, anxiety, agitation, even irritability in the face of any huge unknown - even in the face of a known, such as an unpleasant medical test. Next, close your eyes and imagine yourself going through the event or situation; what happens, very specifically? How will you respond if this happens, or that? Then you can turn to concrete steps to manage your fear: what do you need to do to get through the event, or to deal with today's heat or storms? It will also be very helpful to manage your fear by turning off constant alerts and news updates. Try to find one news source and stick to that, checking it only once a day (not at bedtime). If you have a mindfulness practice, don't skip it! Get exercise (at the gym, or go for a walk or a run in your neighborhood, or use a yoga video). Get plenty of sleep, which may be difficult if you're anxious, so don't hesitate to use your prescribed sleep meds or other sleep aids. Eat healthily, hydrate. And breathe; breathing is good! Practice deep breaths while relaxing the muscles of your face, shoulders, and stomach. You only have to endure this day, this challenge.

Address

104 So Estes Drive, Suite 206
Chapel Hill, NC
27514

Opening Hours

Monday	10am - 7pm
Tuesday	1:30pm - 6:30pm
Wednesday	9am - 5:30pm

Telephone

+19192251569

Website

http://www.drkristiwebb.com/

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I am a psychologist in private practice. I work with adults who are struggling with depression, anxiety, trauma, substance abuse, and life transitions. Some are suicidal and/or self-harming. I am a DBT therapist as well as using other therapies. My page sends out the Skill of the Week each Monday morning. My pronouns are she, her, hers.