11/24/2024
Sadly, many parents have been taught that the way to achieve this through “tough love.” This can include anything from physical punishment, harsh criticism, or shutting down completely.
But children don’t need tough love.
They just need love.
Love is secure, steady, and consistent. But love does not over-intervene. Love does not block someone from experiencing frustration, pain, or discomfort. Love allows with patience and trust.
All parents want their children to be happy, and that’s a beautiful thing. But what happens when they’re not? What happens when they’re angry, when they’re let down, or when they’re broken hearted. Have they been given the space to learn from those experiences? Have they been modeled how to cope and self regulate? Do they know how to sit with being unhappy?— something that will happen over and over throughout life.
The healthy and loving parent lets the child feel the natural consequences. They affirm they’re capable. They hug and soothe, and they also step back to allow mistakes and pain. They don’t want their child to be unscathed by life (impossible)— they want them to be empowered to deal with their internal emotional world. Or, in simplest terms: they want them to be able to cope.
Once the child can cope with life, they see life more clearly. They develop resilience and grit and it is those two things that allow them to eventually thrive. To ride all the waves of life and to get back up over and over again
