11/12/2024
You know what I noticed? 🌟People will say they lose themselves in motherhood, pregnancy, etc. Not a lot of people talk about the *pattern* of losing yourself after emotional abuse and how things like motherhood, relationships, or society's view of women exploit that.
Sometimes I'll describe it to my husband as trying to fit into the smallest box I could find, I'll try to minimize my needs, take up the least amount of space, and accommodate the *MOST* -----🏆 but there's no prize for taking up the least amount of space or abandoning yourself the most and it almost always leads to resentment.
It's a pattern I've gotten better at over the years but definitely notice creeping in sometimes. Why? Because what is our view of women, mothers, and caregivers? Those that have the least amount of needs win.
“Mothers have martyred themselves in their children’s names since the beginning of time. We have lived as if she who disappears the most, loves the most. We have been conditioned to prove our love by slowly ceasing to exist.
What a terrible burden for children to bear—to know that they are the reason their mother stopped living. What a terrible burden for our daughters to bear—to know that if they choose to become mothers, this will be their fate, too. Because if we show them that being a martyr is the highest form of love, that is what they will become. They will feel obligated to love as well as their mothers loved, after all. They will believe they have permission to live only as fully as their mothers allowed themselves to lived" - Glennon Doyle "Untamed"
Share if your unlearning this too đź’“
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✋Hi I’m Ariell a North Carolina therapist and reparenting coach I help women reparenting and parenting at the same time. Currently accepting new clients. Learn more at wildwisecounseling.com
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