Wild & Wise Women's Counseling

Wild & Wise Women's Counseling Wild & Wise Women's Counseling helps burnt-out mothers find themselves again after they give to ever

In my 20s when I started "healing" or starting to build awareness I hated any mention of this kind of "responsibility" ...
01/10/2025

In my 20s when I started "healing" or starting to build awareness I hated any mention of this kind of "responsibility" because seriously, ONE MORE THING. Then when I met my husband and then had kids you realize very quickly these things spill out onto the people you love.

💓What's been your WHY for healing? Your responsibility?

Follow for more content on healing emotional abuse and narcissistic trauma

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You know what I noticed? 🌟People will say they lose themselves in motherhood, pregnancy, etc. Not a lot of people talk a...
11/12/2024

You know what I noticed? 🌟People will say they lose themselves in motherhood, pregnancy, etc. Not a lot of people talk about the *pattern* of losing yourself after emotional abuse and how things like motherhood, relationships, or society's view of women exploit that.

Sometimes I'll describe it to my husband as trying to fit into the smallest box I could find, I'll try to minimize my needs, take up the least amount of space, and accommodate the *MOST* -----🏆 but there's no prize for taking up the least amount of space or abandoning yourself the most and it almost always leads to resentment.

It's a pattern I've gotten better at over the years but definitely notice creeping in sometimes. Why? Because what is our view of women, mothers, and caregivers? Those that have the least amount of needs win.

“Mothers have martyred themselves in their children’s names since the beginning of time. We have lived as if she who disappears the most, loves the most. We have been conditioned to prove our love by slowly ceasing to exist.

What a terrible burden for children to bear—to know that they are the reason their mother stopped living. What a terrible burden for our daughters to bear—to know that if they choose to become mothers, this will be their fate, too. Because if we show them that being a martyr is the highest form of love, that is what they will become. They will feel obligated to love as well as their mothers loved, after all. They will believe they have permission to live only as fully as their mothers allowed themselves to lived" - Glennon Doyle "Untamed"

Share if your unlearning this too 💓

Follow for more content on healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse

✋Hi I’m Ariell a North Carolina therapist and reparenting coach I help women reparenting and parenting at the same time. Currently accepting new clients. Learn more at wildwisecounseling.com

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🌟 SAVE & REMEMBER 🌟👉Everyone can benefit from reflecting on their family system and seeing how these things impact them ...
10/22/2024

🌟 SAVE & REMEMBER 🌟

👉Everyone can benefit from reflecting on their family system and seeing how these things impact them
👉You can work on yourself even if your child is no contact with you
👉 It's never too late for yourself to work on these skills

As a parent, I can't imagine the pain of having my children decide they need to go no contact with me for their peace & well-being AND if they did I would look through my part, hope they get what they need, and make sure that I'm using that time to be better.

What would you add to this list?

Follow along all the unpacking that comes with trying to love ourselves after a parent told us we were only loveable if we did X. A community for cyclebreakers reparenting and parenting at the same time.

What does a relationship with an emotionally immature parent look like? Here are some of the most common dynamics I've h...
09/26/2024

What does a relationship with an emotionally immature parent look like? Here are some of the most common dynamics I've heard discussed.

💓What would you add? What's something you realized later on wasn't part of an emotionally healthy relationship?

👉Emotional immature parents often avoid difficult topics, become defensive, or resort to blame and manipulation instead of listening and growing.

🌟 A great resource is the book by Dr. Gibson "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents"

Follow for more content on reparenting, healing from narcissistic abuse, and emotionally immature parents!

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Often we feel a rift in adulthood and can't put our finger on why. It can feel like uncovering a secret that your dysfun...
09/20/2024

Often we feel a rift in adulthood and can't put our finger on why. It can feel like uncovering a secret that your dysfunctional family also influenced your sibling relationships.

🛑 Is it your job to repair something you didn’t break? 🤔

These are just some of the themes mentioned in a past post repairing sibling relationships and siblings having different relationships with parents

👉👉 Repair is not always possible or healthy. No one could make that decision but you

Sibling relationships stay strained for so many reasons here’s some of the most common I’ve heard

- parental manipulation and control from childhood through adulthood
- continued triangulation and angling between siblings and parents
- golden child & scape goat dynamics leading to jealousy and misunderstanding

BUT! I have some fascinating news 👉siblings can actually go to therapy to repair this rift (if both desire) and a parental figure doesn’t have to take part

✨Share what’s worked for you ✨

💛Follow for more info on unpacking relational trauma like narcissistic abuse + toxic parents through reparenting & self compassion

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If your a mother with complex trauma you spend most days wondering if your a good enough parent, struggling with an inte...
09/02/2024

If your a mother with complex trauma you spend most days wondering if your a good enough parent, struggling with an intense inner critic, overstimulated, and emotionally dysregulated

💓 Most people with complex trauma feel these symptoms and have no idea there's a name for it

👉 They think they're inherently broken because their trauma steadily chipped away their feelings of being lovable, joyful, and complete. Their brains couldn't make sense of the hurtful people they encountered so they absorbed it MUST be me.

My favorite part of the internet is this community. The reminder:

❤ You are a good person who had bad things happen
❤ You are worthy of love and peace just as you are
❤ Love that leads with control & manipulation is not real love

Today is CPTSD awareness day and if these sound familiar I hope you know healing is possible and there is a community of humans who feel so similar to you. You are complex, as all beautiful things are.

💓Follow for all the unpacking that comes from healing complex trauma, emotionally immature parents, narcissistic abuse, and childhood trauma.

👉 Currently accepting new clients for therapy (NC) & reparenting coaching worldwide. DM any questions

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✋ In a dysfunctional family children often take on roles as an attempt to increase peace and connection to caregivers. M...
08/20/2024

✋ In a dysfunctional family children often take on roles as an attempt to increase peace and connection to caregivers. Many adult children of narcissists, emotional immature parents, addictions, or general dysfunction still feel trapped in their roles even after they escape their family of origin.

The scapegoat is typically blamed for all family issues and dysfunction. The parent projects all their frustration, anger, or disappointment on them. The golden child is the parent’s favorite child that is showered with privileges, attention, and praise.

WHY? - Narcissistics love to isolate individuals through control and manipulation. It’s not your fault if a parent favored you or praised you and you felt love and connection.

👉 We’re all wired to connect to our caregivers even through manipulation

⭐️ Check back this week for a posts on the effects of being a scape goat or golden child in adulthood and how to untangle the effects ⭐️

We all deserve unconditional love without having to play into a role

👉👉Follow for all the unpacking of complex trauma, narcissistic abuse, and growing up with emotionally immature parents

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🌟I once heard complex trauma as a nervous system reaction to trauma. We're all wired for connection (especially from ou...
08/15/2024

🌟I once heard complex trauma as a nervous system reaction to trauma. We're all wired for connection (especially from our caregivers) and then that doesn't happen from emotional abuse or neglect our nervous system responds.

There’s a good deal of confusion sometimes between PTSD and complex PTSD or CPTSD. Where PTSD is usually one single event (think SA, war, car accident, etc) CPTSD is repeatedly as in the case of childhood abuse or neglect

CPTSD is developed in response to CHRONIC traumatization from emotional abuse or neglect, physical, verbal, or s*xual abuse.

🌟 Some people find diagnosis empowering & enlightening and others feel like it puts them in a box or disempowers them, the choice is always YOURS 🌟

Here are some things to know:

-CPTSD is NOT a recognized diagnosis in the United States but is in other countries and the World Health Organization (WHO)
-While childhood trauma is typically my focus CPTSD can also be developed after experiencing human trafficking, prisoner of war, or experiencing domestic violence

💓Curious for my non-therapist followers —- Have you heard of complex trauma? What are your thoughts on a diagnosis such as CPTSD?

❤Follow along all the unpacking that comes with trying to love ourselves after a parent told us we were only loveable if we did X. A community for cycle breakers reparenting and parenting at the same time.

DM or self-schedule for therapy or coaching at www.wildwisecounseling.com

Each time we're kind to ourselves we're changing the narrative in our family line.

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Have you seen the post floating around about trauma healing? It's not to tolerate the trauma it's to learn to get comfor...
07/29/2024

Have you seen the post floating around about trauma healing? It's not to tolerate the trauma it's to learn to get comfortable with the JOY. 🧡

Orienting to the "good stuff" is the work that takes patience and practice. Things like experiencing joy, play, and AUTHENTICITY.

**Spending decades minimizing our needs and preferences for the peace of a relationship can take practice to remember our authentic selves. (It's going to feel a little uncomfortable too!)**

Here are some simple ways to practice cultivating our authenticity:
-Sharing a preference with a close friend or partner (if you want a certain food for take-out practice putting it out there even if others want something else)
- Practice physically taking up space with dancing, walking, or stretching
-Play with. who you are outside of your roles or work
- Recognizing when individuals consistently minimize things you say or preference and limit these interactions

👉🌟Is authenticity hard for you to identify in adulthood?

* For lots of us (me included!) we go from being really good daughters to the role of a "good mom" and all the things we think mean usually more minimization*

🌟You can love being a mother and still be a person outside of motherhood 🌟

Follow for more content on unpacking complex trauma through reparenting and nervous system regulation

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Things like food, water, & shelter seem like givens right for parents to give to children? Some parents particularly if...
07/10/2024

Things like food, water, & shelter seem like givens right for parents to give to children? Some parents particularly if they have their own unresolved childhood trauma will feel burdened by giving these tasks. To top it off, if emotional dysregulation was high in your environment growing up you rarely anticipated those safety needs being met.

🌟 If this reminds you of how you felt growing up, normalize not feeling like a burden for having normal human needs, and realize you were not responsible for your parents' overwhelm

🌟 Some ways I work through this with reparenting clients is a wellness wheel or hierarchy of needs and making small daily promises to ourselves for some of the most needed domains

🧡 Nurturing our needs is a form of self-love 🧡

What were you made to feel guilty of in childhood? Share in the comments for solidarity.

Follow for more reparenting while parenting content

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Relational trauma of any sort whether from parents or partners leaves us trying to morph our identity to create more pea...
07/06/2024

Relational trauma of any sort whether from parents or partners leaves us trying to morph our identity to create more peace in the relationship. We learn to bend and break parts of ourselves, our needs, and our desires.

Healing is about remembering those parts without the guilt. Realizing you can have closeness and connection in a healthy manner.

🌟What else are you unlearning in your complex trauma healing? 🌟

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Complex trauma or Complex PTSD (CPTSD) is a way to describe long-term trauma. Where PTSD symptoms can be from a single e...
07/03/2024

Complex trauma or Complex PTSD (CPTSD) is a way to describe long-term trauma. Where PTSD symptoms can be from a single event (car accident) and result in a visual/auditory remembering of an event and avoidance of these symptoms CPTSD involves a sustained abuse, abandonment, or event.

The effect of relational trauma (trauma caused by relationships) changes our brain, our relationship to self, and how we see the world.

❤ Many symptoms of CPTSD involve nervous system dysregulation, emotional flashbacks, and other effects that are harder for observers to "see"

👉 These are not an exhaustive list of symptoms of CPTSD

🌟 Follow for more content on reparenting, healing complex trauma, and nervous system regulation

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