03/10/2026
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1GFZiCQcuh/
“AuDHD spiral: Define "thing"
In college, my professor told us to “bring a picture of something you love” to class next week. Simple, right? Wrong. I spent the whole week spiraling. I walked around my house like, do I even love anything?
It was 2010, my first term at university after finishing Community college. I was 22. I wouldn’t get diagnosed ADHD for another 5 more years. I wouldn’t understand it for another 10 tho.
A cat? Seems like a grey area (alive). What thing do I even own? A car, clothes, CDs, a flip phone? It felt like a trick question. Like maybe he was testing for narcissism. Cringe, who loves STUFF?
I asked everyone what they thought. My parents, friends, cousins. They all said, ‘it means person.’ Wrong. I ignored them all.
Eventually I gave up and settled on a photo of my bedroom. Yes, a room. With:
pink walls
pink carpet
pink Christmas tree made of feathers
pink Mahiole (Hawaiian warrior helmet)
pink quilt
pink curtains
pink santa hats
pink carebears & popples
pink plaid backpack
a pink blanket
pink chair
a row of pink flip flops
& a pink chandelier
Sleeping cat on bed
The point of it was supposed to illustrate that I loved the color pink. I loved it so much, like beyond obsession. Anyway, I figured loving an aesthetic that I tried to pitch as a concept, counted as a thing. So in class, we sat in a circle and had to explain our photo as it was being passed around.
Every single person brought a picture of a person. A F*CKING PERSON. unbelievable
OED defines thing as “not alive”
Miriam Webster defines thing as an ” inanimate object”
I tried to explain that, but I think just some squeaks came out. My face felt like it was burning and I started pouring sweat. It got many laughs as it went around the room (im sure not nefarious, but laughs) . Plus they were all starring at me in total silence, including the teacher.
The name of the class was “Introduction to the Helping Relationship”, and the topic that week was empathy and emotional connection.
I wanted to rip my face off & put it in my pocket.
Recap:
The instructions were incorrect
entire class brought that incorrect thing & it was right
I followed directions and was the weirdo
I know what you’re thinking. I should have asked the teacher. I did! He said “it means exactly what it says.”
Cool cool cool, very helpful thank you.
This demonstrated what it’s like for neurodivergent folks to navigate life in a neuronormative society. They do not understand us, so there’s almost always a misunderstanding. At least there has been enough for us to clench every time bracing ourselves for one. We explain our side (i.e., how theyre wrong) & get dismissed bc they either assume:
1. that we’re lying bc of our visceral reaction & strained response
Or 2. they can’t comprehend what we said & do not realize they are wrong.
So either way they think they won. Nobody ever hears us. The harder we fight to communicate, the less seriously they take us.
This is an example of the double empathy problem: bidirectional cross-neurotype miscommunication where neurotypicals blank on our literal wiring just as hard as we "miss" their unspoken vibes.
They pathologize us for taking things literally: calling us too rigid, socially clueless, or "just overthinking". meanwhile I'm beating my brain to death trying to decode their vague, beat-around-the-bush riddles and implied meta-messages that everyone else pretends are obvious.
It’s part of the reason medicine, academia, & research claimed for decacdes autistic people did not have empathy. We do have empathy. Often in excess, actually. But when we show it cognitively (like an intellectual connecting the dots, understanding someone else’s feelings or opinions, or trying to help them), rather than emotionally (i.e., cry when they cry), they label us cold.
To my Neurokin: you do not have social deficits.
Research on neurotype communication success concluded that partners with matched neurotypes (both neurotypical or both neurodivergent) experienced stronger rapport and better communication success than mixed-neurotype pairs.
Meaning we are not disordered, this is a cross-cultural communication breakdown.
