Healing Through Grace Counseling, LLC

11/11/2025

This is the first episode of my new podcast. Welcome to Divorcing the Cycle. We discuss toxic/abusive parent-child relationships, toxic intimate partner relationships, and how the church fails to address abuse appropriately.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1cGc9JlPRPPWkuc083CkSP?si=a9576e522db741d7

Divorcing The Cycle · Episode

10/30/2024

My dad just entered into hospice and I am feeling overwhelmed. I'm sure I'm not the only one when this has happened to a loved one. I was so unprepared for what hospice is and what they can and cannot do. I am considering putting together a support group for those who have loved ones in hospice or had someone in hospice. I want to include speakers like a representative from a hospice service, the VA, a funeral home provider, a palliative doctor, and perhaps a pastor. I want to provide this service especially for those like me where the loved one lives with you. It is so overwhelming to deal with and can feel so lonely and unsure of what to do. Let me know if this interests you or someone you may know. I would like to start this next Friday if there is enough interest.

Send a message to learn more

05/29/2022

I am a child abuse survivor, of which my mom was my abuser. In counseling others who were abused and/or neglected as children, a few thoughts keep coming up for them.
Why me?
Will I always feel that I am not enough?
Why am I always quick to respond in anger or other emotions and to the extreme?
Why do I find other unhealthy people to be in a relationship with?
Can I have healthy relationships?
Will I abuse my children?
Why am I afraid to share my story?
If you are like me, you have had these questions quite a few times. I just finished my dissertation on developmental trauma, which is what happens to the brain when exposed to abuse and/or neglect. If you would like some answers to these questions, let me know.

05/24/2022

Friends on Facebook and Instagram. I am putting a course together and looking for help in selecting which one to do first. As many of you know, I am a survivor of child abuse, however, my children did not experience what I did (thank God). God helped me break the cycle of abuse. So here are my two choices, please place in the comment section which one you think I should do.
1. I want to reach out to adult child abuse survivors who are struggling with self-esteem, self-confidence, and relationships and help them find their voice. Help them understand what happened to them as children changed some of their brain physiology, and we need to heal from the trauma.
2. Reach out to again, adult child abuse survivors who are now parents themselves who want to stop the cycle of abuse.
I'm looking to launch in about a month, so let me know which you think would make more of an impact.

01/26/2022

If you are struggling, please ask for help.

We have been living in a Covid world for what has seemed forever. Do you remember Christmas of 2019? It was your LAST normal Christmas... just a few weeks later, Covid cases were being announced around the country and the world. Unfortunately, Covid isn't showing signs of slowing down, and we don't....

01/14/2022

I have a new website available.

Counseling in Chehalis, WA offering Face to Face and Telehealth appointments. Paperwork can be filled out online. Schedule an appointment today. Contact me at (360) 740-2121.

01/14/2022

Have you ever felt walked on or walked over? Have you ever felt afraid to say no to people? Or perhaps you're afraid to hear no from people. Do you feel that if someone says "no" to that they are rejecting you?

If this sounds like you, it may mean you lack strong boundaries. Boundaries are meant to protect you from doing things or having things done to you. Boundaries are not meant to be abusive or intrusive.

So what are some ways in which you can start adding safe boundaries to your life?

1. Ask yourself - If this event, thing that I am being asked to do is something I really want to do?

2. Ask yourself- Is this event, thing something I feel safe in doing?

If you answer "no" to one or both of those questions then say "no" to the person.

Here's the thing to remember (even for yourself) you may be saying "no" to the event or thing, but you are NOT saying "no" to the person. You may want to something else with the person, but not this thing. That's ok.

As a parent, I did not always say "yes" to my children when they asked for something. Sometimes, I had to say no. I loved them enough to say no. I valued them enough to say no.

You need to value yourself to start saying "no".

01/14/2022

Have you wondered why you do the things you do? For instance, dating a person who treats you badly. Have you asked yourself why? Were you abused as a child, or did you witness your parents fighting?

That child is still hurting. When we witness something like abuse we internalize it. We start to believe things about ourselves that are not true. Things like, "I'm not good enough," "I deserve this," "No one else would love me," and perhaps, "I'm never going to be good enough for anyone else anyway." These thoughts become like a tape on replay. We can't seem to stop them. Perhaps, if we reached out to the child within and helped heal the pain from the past the negative thoughts of today will go away.

01/14/2022

How well do we understand PTSD? Is it only members of the military that have PTSD? How does one receive help when they have suffered PTSD?

During World War I and II doctors were seeing men coming from the front line with what they called shell-shock. These men had nightmares, night terrors, replayed traumatic events over and over again, and once triggered felt they were right back to the event that caused the trauma.

Today we call this PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We are now aware of what happens to a soldier when he/she sees combat. What we are also beginning to understand is that it is not just members of the military who have PTSD.

Children who have been witnesses to abuse, either physical, emotional, or sexual, can have symptoms of PTSD. Children have been neglected also have symptoms of PTSD. People who have been in car accidents, witnessed natural disasters, and women who have been r**e have symptoms of PTSD.

These symptoms can be pervasive, and hinder a person from living a healthy, and normal life. It can cause problems on the job, in a marriage, and with friends. The people around a person with PTSD feel as if they have to "walk on egg shells" in order not to trigger the person. This causes tension in the relationship.

A person with PTSD needs help. Weekly counseling, and finding a support group are just two ways in reach a person with PTSD can get help.

01/14/2022

I always wonder why a client will stay with a therapist that is not a right fit. I talked with a friend today who shared a story with me. She said that she had been working with a therapist and he had been rude to her, she felt that he was disrespectful, but continued to see him for a few months. The therapist, who had recently gotten divorced, was angry and bitter, and shared with this woman some of his thoughts on women's behavior. She took his view to be that all women behave badly and things are always the woman's fault. My friend finally shared with her primary care physician that she could no longer see this therapist and asked for a referral. She is now happily with a new therapist.

I shared with her today that not all therapists are the same. We know that not one person is completely like another. That is the way God made us. Why should therapists be any different? There are different models of therapy, different styles of interventions, and there will be more on the horizon I am sure. As a therapist, I know that not one intervention or model will work for everyone, and that is why I have wanted to learn many different modalities. Looking for a therapist should be no different.

01/14/2022

I work with many people who will tell me they feel anxious. When I ask what is making them feel anxious, they give me a list of all the things they have going on and the stress they feel. I let them know that they are not feeling so much anxiety, but overwhelmed. When we feel overwhelmed it can give us the feeling of anxiety. So what can we do for the feeling of overwhelmed? I ask my clients, "What are your controllables?" What are the things in your control that you can actually work on?

Our brain can only handle a few things at a time, and if we can break things down into more smaller, manageable chunks we don't feel so overwhelmed. The feeling of overwhelmed begins to subside and we can begin to breathe again.

What can you do to break things down to smaller, more manageable chunks?
Can you ask a friend for help?
Can you schedule time specifically to work on one or two small things?
Can you ask for more time?
Can you give yourself grace to take time for yourself (go for a walk, get a massage, have a nice dinner with friends)?

These are just a few of the questions you can ask yourself when it comes to setting up your controllables.