03/12/2026
Imagine being an adult who is grieving the death of someone you love deeply.
You will struggle to find words to express this oh-so-new type of ache in your heart.
Now imagine being a child who is grieving the death of someone they love deeply.
And adults around you are not saying what has happened.
No one is explaining what these great big feelings are. Yet, you’re expected to be resilient.
We adults don’t mean to do this, but we do.
Of course we do, because it’s so very scary to think otherwise.
If we imagine that children are in as much pain as we are, it can feel overwhelming.
How do we best help our littlest grievers then?
We can not assume they are naturally resilient.
Be truthful. Because children overhear others talking and find information on computers. But if they hear the truth from someone they love and trust, they can begin to build their narrative, their story of truth and love and grief.
Use real language “died, death, the body has stopped working” instead of euphemisms. “We lost your dad” leads to a wish to go find him.
I have heard 4 year olds use words like ”glioblastoma” and “leukemia” because that is how their person died.
Help them to move their body and identify what the lump in their throat means.
If you have spiritual and religious beliefs about where people go after death, separate the difference between what happens to the body vs. “the spirit; personality; soul”.
Explain cremation or burial of the body using simple terms rather than leaving them to think bodies are floating in the sky. Hearing that you are being watched might feel scary, but holding memories close, and sharing stories and trinkets that create connection with the person who died, makes way for healthy grieving.
First and foremost, be gentle with your heart. You are not expected to know how to help your own heart or that of a little grievers without education.
I’m holding your heart in my heart.
I’m hopeful you will consider my book as a gentle guide to help you, help your little one.
“Eddie’s Brave Journey: How one little elephant learned all about grief”.
EddiesBraveJourney.com