Autumn Leaves Doula

11/10/2025

People ask me all the time "Why would you choose to work with the dying". This article by Suzanne O'Brien explains it perfectly. So my answer always is "How can you not want to?"

I want to share with you the Top 4 Things I Learned About Life by Working with those who were Dying

1. Connection: Greater than anything I have ever experienced was the deep connection of caring for another person and their families at such an intense time in their lives. The immediate human bond formed with people I just met was so strong. End of life patients will often say things like, “Now I understand that we are all connected to one unconditional loving energy.” When you are privileged to be part of caring for someone at the end of life, you feel this energy and it changes you forever.

2. Compassion: End of Life touches us all. No one is exempt from it. Death does not care who you are or what you have, it does not care what you look like or what god(s) you pray to. It is the equalizer that binds us all in our humanity. Compassion for the person going through their end of life phases and holding up their loved ones as they say goodbye is one of the greatest gifts that we can give to one another.

3. Gratitude: I had never felt gratitude for every single thing in my life until I started working with End of Life patients. Your perception of just about everything changes and you feel a new level of gratitude as you realize you still have the ability right now to do things and have experiences that others cannot. Little things like being able to go to the gym or have lunch with an elderly relative is reborn in the awareness of death as privileges we get to enjoy that one day will no longer be available to us. Always be grateful for today and what it has to offer.

4. Living Presently: It does not get any more real than the end of life. We tend to become realigned with the present moment when someone is told they have limited time left in their life. We show more genuine appreciation for the things we have, we say “I love you” more frequently and with deeper conviction, and most importantly – we forgive. We are faced with the reality that one day this journey will no longer be the way it is today and that the beauty of life, the true power of love, is living presently and being engaged with this very moment and those who are in it with us.

09/10/2025

09/07/2025

Amber Hughes is a seasoned Hospice RN and friend. I wanted to share this insight from her.

From Amber:

I need to climb up on my hospice soapbox for a minute, because this needs to be said…
Healthcare needs a reality check.
Aggressive treatment is not always the answer. Chasing every procedure, every medication, every intervention doesn’t mean we’re “caring more.” Sometimes it means we’re taking away peace, dignity, and quality of life. Choosing comfort care is not quitting. It’s not giving up. It’s a deliberate choice for how someone wants to live the time they have left.
And let’s be clear: the ONLY person who has the right to make that choice is the PATIENT (or their POA). Period.
Doctors and nurses: stop shaming people for decisions you don’t agree with. Stop forcing your idea of what’s “right” just because you don’t understand hospice or what it really offers. Do better. Educate yourself. Ask questions.
Until that happens, I’ll keep standing in ERs at 1 a.m. battling with providers who think they know better than the patient. I’ll keep speaking up for those who can’t speak. And I’ll keep being the “family” at the bedside when the real one is thousands of miles away feeling helpless, dismissed and unheard. Because distance should never mean a patient loses their advocate.
Comfort care isn’t weakness. It isn’t surrender. It’s strength. It’s courage. It’s owning the final chapter instead of letting medicine write it in chaos. And if that truth makes providers uncomfortable, then good because it means you finally have to confront what real patient-centered care looks like!

01/18/2025

When I am dying, I don’t want the last sounds I hear to be machines beeping and alarms going off telling me what I already know, which is that my body is shutting down and I am dying.

I don’t want machines keeping me alive.
I don’t want machines feeding me.
I don’t want to feel the suffocation of the blood pressure cuff as it squeezes my arm every hour on the hour.
I don’t want IV’s stuck in my arms, or tubes down my throat.
I don’t want other people making decisions for me.

I don’t want to be in a room that isn’t mine, with a view of medical charts and notes stating when I had my last bowel movement, when my medications are due, or how many times I have been turned and repositioned, which by the way is obnoxious when you are dying and I definitely do not want that.

I don’t want fluorescent lights on above my head, forcing me to keep my eyes closed so they don’t burn from the glare.

I don’t want people walking into my room as though it is theirs and not mine.

I don’t want strangers telling me what to do or how to feel or treating me like I don’t have feelings.

I don't want people to talk over or about me as if I can't hear. I can hear and I will hear you!

I don’t want my family to wait day after day in a stark hospital room knowing there is nothing else anyone can do but wait.
This is not how I want to die.
This is not how I want the people who love me to see me die.

I have written down everything that is important to me so that none of the above ever occurs.
I have listed where I want to be, who I want there, what music I want to hear, how I want to be cared for, what I want to wear, how I want my symptoms managed, and to what extent I want people to go to keep me alive.

When I am dying, I want my wishes honored, my voice heard, and my death peaceful.
I want this for you too!

Please write down your wishes and share them with the people you love.
Have the conversation.
Talk to your family and friends.
I promise you… it won’t happen sooner because you talked about it.

When I am dying, I don’t want the last sounds I hear to be machines beeping and alarms going off telling me what I already know, which is that my body is shutting down and I am dying. I don’t want machines keeping me alive.I don’t want machines feeding me.I don’t want to feel the suffocation...

04/19/2024

It’s been an amazing experience. I’m grateful to all the End of Life Doulas that have helped me learn and grow during my journey in this field. It is always an honor and a privilege to work alongside others experiencing their last chapter. My only regret is that I wished I’d known my clients longer.

02/15/2024

I love this message.

09/18/2023

The way you choose to die matters. Make it perfectly clear to your loved ones what your wishes are.