Carolyn Cole, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Home
Carolyn Cole, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Providing psychotherapy services via telehealth to adults and couples living in Illinois.

My specialties include self-esteem, self love, self discovery, journey back to Self, spirituality, and dating & relationships.

22/07/2025

Have you ever noticed the more you focus on negative things, the more you tend to see them? Just as the more you focus on positive things, the more you tend to notice them?

No one has a "perfect" relationship. But, if you try to be on the lookout for some positive things that are already happening, and share these with one another, that can transform your relationship.

It's easy to get caught up on what needs to improve. Sometimes it's noticing those small things that add up each day to be thankful and appreciative of that make the big difference.

What's something positive that's happening in your relationship? Note this and make sure to share with your partner. These words and observations are a gift to share with one another and helps maintain the friendship and bond that's so important. 💝

20/07/2025

How might you see your relationship differently if you saw it as a "great adventure?" So much to learn, to discover, to experience, and to be curious, intrigued by, and excited about. Think of all you might discover about your partner and yourself and who you are in the process of becoming together through this perspective. 🩷

If that spark of adventure is missing from your relationship, couples therapy can help. IL residents - learn about working with me through link in bio.

16/06/2025

I often like to reframe the idea of spending time by yourself to spending time WITH yourself. This is how you connect with yourself.

Who is your authentic self? I often hear people say "I don't even know what this is for me."

What parts of yourself make you smile? What qualities or parts of yourself do you miss or feel you've lost? You haven't lost them - you just need to brush off the dust and bring these aspects of you back to life again. They still exist very much within you. And what parts of yourself do you still have yet to discover for the first time?

Keep persisting and committing to yourself until you feel like yourself again. Your favorite version of yourself. This is a beautiful act of self love. 🩷

27/05/2025

What if your emotions had an important message for you that they want you to hear? They do!

Become curious. Ask your emotional part "what are you trying to help me realize or understand here?"; "What is your message for me?"

🌟IL Residents seeking therapy - learn more about working with me through the link in bio.

26/05/2025

We are all guilty of reacting to things at time. I find it tends to be a reaction to an intense inner emotional experience that the situation stimulates within us.

If you're able to notice this inner reaction and choose to pause and take a breath during that space, that can do wonders for your relationships and your own emotional regulation.

Responding is empowering. When we react, it feels like our emotions are running the show. Responding is more likely to help us feel heard, say what we really mean, and achieve an outcome we're looking for.

How can you do a better job in using that space in between stimulus and response to remember to pause, take a grounding breath, and make a choice?

24/05/2025

I have a feeling just about everyone can say yes to this question.

Our minds are "meaning making machines." They don't like when things are open ended and so fill in the details for you. The problem is when these details may be assumptions based on your own programming or fears, which can be all consuming and affect how you're feeling, how you're acting, and how you're perceiving things. And, this story might not actually be true.

When you mind starts to spin a story, try to notice when it's doing this. You might notice a feeling accompanying it. Stop and ask yourself "is there another possibility here, another story that could be true?"

In relationships, I find this can happen quite frequently! It can be helpful to ask your partner "what I heard you say is ###x; am I understanding that right?" or asking for clarity, which can help stop these stories before they turn into runaway trains.

Notice your thoughts and how you are feeling. Do you notice any patterns for yourself with the stories your mind tell you? Practice taking a pause and take a grounding breath. Challenge your thoughts by asking yourself some of these questions in this post.

This can help to give your nervous system some relief so you're not focused on a story that might not even be true. ❤️

If this is relatable and you notice this impacting your own mental health or important areas of your life, therapy can help. IL residents - learn more about working with me through link in bio.

04/05/2025

In relationships, it's really important to find that BALANCE of "me time," which is for your own personal growth and development, with together time.

Too much distance or independent time is going to cause a disconnect in the relationship. And on the flip side, putting your own needs to the side is going to cause a disconnect with yourself. The balance is what helps you as an individual AND your relationship to be able to thrive and grow in a healthy way. You don't have to lose yourself in a relationship - it's finding the balance and noticing how this balance helps you to feel supported, happier, and free to grow.

I've included some tips from the Gottman Institute based on their research on what helps couples thrive and ways to begin to find this balance

If your partner needs a nudge to engage in hobbies or spend time with friends, make sure to suggest that. When we are happy and connected within ourselves, that reflects in relationships, too.

It can be really fun and exciting to circle back and share what you experienced with each other and you may find it helps you feel closer, too. So, make sure you don't forget to do this. ❤️

27/04/2025

When we are open to the idea of growth, we are putting ourselves out there, taking risks, maybe "failing", but choosing to look at the learning opportunity from it and trying again. Growth mindset is a choice.

This requires having the courage to overcome fear, which tends to hold us back to keep us safe from vulnerability. And this is a process that you may need to repeat over and over until where you are growing becomes your new comfort zone.

📝How are you choosing growth in your life right now? In what ways are you overcoming fear?

19/04/2025

Do you have a "perfectionist part" that likes to show up for you? How does it feel when it shows up? How does it impact your movement forward?

When we have healthy striving, we have standards we are looking to achieve, but also can flexible with the learning and growth process along the way.

But in contrast, that perfectionistic part can be kind of rigid. It holds you back, where you may find yourself feeling paralyzed from moving forward at all - in the "freeze state". And it truly is not helping your mental and emotional health in any capacity.

Many times the perfectionistic part is trying to protect you from vulnerability, from judgement, from criticism, and from being seen. But, who is the judge on what is perfect and what is flawed? What if you totally reframed this for yourself?

When you show up as yourself, flaws and all, this is what creates connection. This is what helps you to be seen as relatable and real. This is what helps you to be seen as genuine and authentic. And, this is what helps with learning and growth when you look at the process of it all.

If you wait to "do the thing" until perfection is here, you may be waiting a really long time.

I know it can be hard to tame the perfectionistic part when it shows it's head. You can thank it for how it's trying to help you and offer this part some compassion. You are enough. You will be okay if you are not perfect. And, you may find yourself being loved and appreciated that much more by showing up as you. ❤️

18/04/2025

Have you ever experienced a few different feelings wrapped up into one? For example, maybe you are frustrated or even feeling defeated, then once you acknowledge the emotion you suddenly find yourself feeling determined or motivated for change.

There is such a gift in this experience when we slow down to feel our feelings.

Be present with your feelings as you are. You don't need to hide from yourself. You are safe. When you choose to do so, rather than pushing the feelings away, this is where you'll find the gift in their message for you, if you listen. ❤️

🦋 What are your emotions teaching you? What is their good intention for you?

14/04/2025

Do you ever find yourself procrastinating in making a change or taking a step because you're waiting for the "perfect" conditions for you to feel ready "enough?"

This reminder that "perfect" usually does not come is an important one. Moving through the challenges and obstacles through the process is how you grow. And like we learned from our last post, insight enhances through this process, too.

What if you're ready enough now to take a first step? Embrace a growth mindset. Be proud of yourself for getting a step ahead of any fears. What new adventure are you ready to embark on? You can do it!

12/04/2025

This is a powerful quote!

Have you ever had that experience where you may have gained insight about something, even a huge "aha moment", but changes you needed to make from this experience kind of fell off? This is why reading books, listening to podcasts, or even having sparks of insight can be helpful from a cognitive aspect - but, unless action follows, not much will change and patterns will likely remain the same. This can create frustration.

However, when you are in the process of change, you learn a lot about yourself, what you want and don't want, and your strengths and areas of growth. You gain so much valuable insight!

What is a change you've been putting off? How can you take a step to get that needle moving this weekend? What insights are you gaining through action steps of change?

Address

Website

https://linktr.ee/CarolynCole_Psychotherapist

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Carolyn Cole, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

Address
Alerts
Contact The Practice
Claim ownership or report listing
Want your practice to be the top-listed Clinic?

Country:

City:

Our Story

Hi! I am a relationship therapist located in Chicago. My credentials include: I am a licensed psychotherapist in Chicago with a Masters Degree in Family Counseling and specialized training in Marriage and Family Therapy. I currently work as a psychotherapist in a private practice setting, working with individuals, couples, and families, and I also provide supervision to masters level therapists who are working towards their license. I am dually licensed with the LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist license) and the LCPC (Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor license). I also have the National Certified Counselor (NCC) certification. This page is designed to share interesting articles and thoughts related to counseling, self-growth, families, and relationships. I also have some blog articles located at: https://carolyncolelcpc.blog/ Thanks so much for viewing my page and I hope you enjoy the posts!