The A Team in Support of Anais Alleman

01/07/2021

Our babies need(ed) the same diligent research for advancements in curative treatments in childhood cancer ....

Kids are pushed to the back of the line to try new treatments for pediatric cancer, waiting six years longer than adults to try them.

09/16/2018

Most priests face the temptation to add or remove from the liturgy of the Church. To alter it’s rubrics or to totally ignore some parts they consider unnecessary. This is what “Liturgic…

07/13/2018

This made me think of my girl Anais Alleman...."safe in His arms.....dancing through the dark.

04/17/2018

Thank you so much Normandin
& Stuff the Sleigh for sharing the video.

FROM NICOLE - "💜In case you missed it 💜Here is the video Stuff the Sleigh played at Bags, Bingo, & Bubbles on Friday honoring the prom we threw for sweet Anais Alleman one year ago 💜 THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO ATTENDED OUR FIRST BAGS, BINGO AND BUBBLES EVENT - ESPECIALLY TO Chanda Bergeron Alleman AND ALL OF ANAIS' FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR HELPING US CELEBRATE HER FIERCENESS 💜"


https://youtu.be/gvJejJYlL1Q

Stuff the Sleigh was blessed to provide Anais with a surprise prom on April 15, 2017. Here is a video celebrating this once in a lifetime experience from the...

04/14/2018

What a night! It was wonderful seeing our Houston "peeps" and enjoying a night out with great friends, but seeing the number of people involved in Stuff the Sleigh and their enormous generosity was a bit overwhelming.

It was bittersweet for us, as this was the year anniversary of Anais Alleman's prom. It was also hard watching the video that was created in honor of our girl.

If you have a desire to contribute to an organization committed to children fighting for their lives, please do so. I know Anais had a dream come true.

02/05/2018

This week was a really great week for me.
Jesus is allowing me once again to feel pure joy in my heart. This started during Cursillo and has intensified so much over the weeks since. I was at the Vet with Bella on Thursday, and I was checking out when in walks a little boy who couldn't have been more than two. He walked straight up to me and gave me a flower. He had the sweetest smile on his face. In my heart, I just knew God allowed him to bring me this flower from Anais. My heart has been bursting with complete joy and I cannot stop thanking my Lord for the gift, for His Mercy.

When you welcome God into your day and start to seek Him out throughout your day, your eyes become open to His grace and blessings.

We drove to Houston on Friday, February 2 .... four months to the day that my beautiful Anais left this world. As we drove by so many places in Houston that Anais and I visited and even ate at one of her favorite restaurants that night wonderful memories came flooding back. And although my heart could feel the immense void of her not being physically here with us, I found myself smiling.

The next morning this smile remained during the Remembrance Breakfast at Texas Children's Hospital honoring all the children who have died of cancer over the last two years. What did sadden me, however, was viewing the extensive list of all the children who died. I also did become emotional when Chloe went up to speak about Anais. How did I become so lucky that God blessed me with two amazing daughters?

I wish that I could have spoken about Anais at the breakfast. But on the few occasions that I have spoken about Anais in public, I stumbled, not being able to find the words that were in my heart. Hearing so many crying, though, I wish I would have been able to tell them that they are Not Alone.

I am actively seeking renewed strength from my Lord each and every morning and multiple times during the day. The pain and grief that one experiences after the loss of a child is lifelong. And though at any moment tears may begin to flow and my heart may feel like it has stopped ... I am living. I am smiling. I can feel joy & peace. For although Anais has gone before me, she has never left me .... God has never left me!!!

01/14/2018

On Sunday January 14 we will be celebrating Anais' 18th Birthday. We are planning to have a Living Rosary at 2pm at her gravesite. Notre Dame has graciously offered to make the balloon rosary. If you would like to attend you may bring purple balloons which can be released a few minutes after the rosary is released.

Please pray for good weather!!! 💜💜💜

12/01/2017

We would like to start a foundation in Anais' memory. We are not sure yet if it will be in the form of creating a scholarship or creating/joining an existing foundation.

This is not something that can happen overnight. I pray that we will be led to people who can help us to make our decision on which route(s) to take and help us get it started in the year to come.

My heart continues to remain with His Grace Foundation and Stuff the Sleigh. This Christmas I am giving back to both of these amazing organizations who have helped Anais & our family during Anais' treatment while we lived in Houston.

I ask you to please consider giving to one or both of these organizations this Christmas Season. So many families with children who have cancer and are undergoing treatment and bone marrow transplants also have the added burden of their homes being damaged or destroyed during Hurricane Harvey. Funds and resources are limited for these families, but the desire to give their children gifts for Christmas remain.

Last year Anais & our family were on the receiving end of both organizations. Each gave in ways that allowed Anais to live more fully while battling AML.

So many of our family and friends gave to both of these organizations in lieu of flowers for Anais' funeral. I am so thankful for each and every donation that was made in Anais' name.

I am asking again for you to please consider donating in memory of Anais for Christmas. No amount is too small .... for the love that goes with helping children and donating in Anais' memory is vast. 💜💜💜

His Grace Foundation
P.O. Box 722
Tomball, TX 77377 www.hisgracefoundation.org

Stuff the Sleigh
P.O. Box 342
Katy, TX 77492
www.thesleigh.org

10/24/2017

It has now been 21 days since I last held my sweet Anais. At times I feel this cannot be real, but where would my sweet girl be if this indeed is not real? Reality, though, hits me multiple times a day and often when least expected. Anais is my first thought when my eyes open and my last thought before they close. I find myself becoming so excited to tell her something, something that only she & I shared or only she would understand the significance of, something that would make her laugh or her reaction would completely make my day. These moments that can no longer ever be shared are one of hardest to learn to live without.

I spent the majority of last week back in Houston. I knew it wouldn’t be easy packing up the apartment, but I was quite adamant about wanting to do it alone. However, I am so thankful that Dion insisted that Michelle join me.

Michelle & I shared so many tears and so much laughter. We ate at some of Anais’ favorite restaurants and visited with some of her beloved TCH and Stuff the Sleigh family. These visits further proved to me how much Anais was loved and the impact she has made in the lives of so many. It brought joy to my heart but it was also very hard to experience their pain as I gave pictures to each of them with Anais that she had taken over the course of her journey here in Houston.

Our TCH/HGF/Stuff the Sleigh families are amazing. I am so grateful for them, for extending their love, support and friendship during some of the best and worst days of Anais’ life. There are many that I was unable to visit with but I assured them that we would get together during future visits to Houston.

Houston is now one of my loves. It was our home for the last 15 months of Anais life. Anais & I shared so much there and there was so much we wanted to do as soon as the weather became a little cooler … which it did this past week only to bring about many emotions that this was what we were waiting for and she couldn’t experience it with me.

There was so much Anais & I shared in our apartment. As I packed our things I could envision her everywhere, hear her laughter, remember conversations, see her making her morning cup of coffee and then sitting on the balcony in her red or purple robe enjoying it, making red velvet cake balls or creme brûlée, praying with me, visiting with friends.

After Anais’ second transplant she no longer slept in her own room and no longer stayed up until 2 or 3 in the morning. Most nights she went to bed around 11pm while I stayed up until around 1am. Every night when I would get into bed Anais’ foot would travel across the bed until she found my leg and then she would slowly pull it back to her side of the bed. I loved that we slept together in the same bed. Prior to her second transplant, it was often hard for me to sleep in my room alone when we spent so much time sleeping right next to each other in the hospital. The first night that Michelle & I arrived at the apartment last week, we packed until about 5am. When I finally went to bed, it was truly emotional not feeling Anais' soft touch on my leg or hearing her softly breathing next to me.

As I left our apartment for the last time on Saturday, I left a piece of Anais & myself there. The last thing I remembered as I walked out was how beautiful Anais was as she came out of her room in her dress thinking she was doing a photo shoot for a pamphlet that showed the many faces of cancer … but what she was actually going to was her surprise prom. She was absolutely breathtaking, her smile was amazing, her joy and laughter contagious ... the memories are endless.

As Always,
Anais is my Heart
❤️❤️❤️

10/16/2017

It already seems like a lifetime, but in reality it has only been two weeks since I laid near Anais holding her hand. Although exhausted, I didn’t want to waste what little time I had left with her sleeping. I prayed the rosary, recited our nightly prayers and blessed her with the holy oils of St. Joseph, St. Charbel, St. Raphael and Fr. Seelos, and the holy waters of Our Lady of Lourdes, Kibeho, Lavang, and San Juan de Valle. Anais & I added most of these prayers and blessings to our nightly prayers the week she was diagnosed. As time went by, Anais often said how much our nightly prayer ritual relaxed her and comforted her … as it did for me, especially on her last night, and I was able to sleep for a little while.

Those last two weeks in the hospital went by so quickly. When Anais was admitted, it never crossed my mind that the end was so close. Yes, she was no longer in remission. Yes, she had two failed BMTs. Yes, her options were few with none leading to a cure. But yes, we still had so much hope, so many plans and dreams. She was still making plans for Homecoming week, making plans for us to go away for Thanksgiving, making plans for us to go to Hawaii with our extended family, the Fergusons. There was still so much she wanted to do in Houston ….. so much she wanted to do in life. I honestly felt she had surpassed and conquered so many obstacles before and this would be no different. It wasn’t until the day we decided to intubate that I realized she needed a miracle. It wasn’t until her death that I fully realized God’s plans were much bigger than ours.

I know in my heart and in my mind that Anais is in heaven. I continue to smile and find joy in knowing this and continue to marvel over how the blessing of knowing this was bestowed upon me by Noah’s visions. Anais has blessed others with beautiful signs that she is near, and I find great comfort in those also.

Multiple times a day, though, I find myself longing for her. We spent almost every moment together in the same room for close to two years. We completed each other’s thoughts and sentences … we completed each other. The majority of our days were spent talking and laughing. The difficult days were spent with me comforting her, massaging her, listening to her fears, praying even harder. There were days just prior to Anais being intubated that she took over my role and comforted me. I told her that was not how it was suppose to be …. her response was her beautiful smile and hugging me oh so gently. Looking back on the special moments of that last week, I now know my sweet girl knew that her days were coming to an end.

I have often heard that time heals and that the loss of a loved one will get easier. I don’t think that holds true in a lot of instances but most especially with the loss of your child. Each day the reality of Anais not being physically here becomes more and more apparent. At times I can feel a grip tightening around my heart. Other times it seems as if an actual piece of my heart is gone, and the feeling that remains is indescribable. During these times, I remember that God is right here. He has not left me just as he did not leave Anais or me the entire time we battled together against her cancer. I just have to remind myself of this and ask Him for help. Once I do, I can feel that heavy burden of grief lift …. it seems though that with each passing day, I need to call on God more and more frequently. I am so thankful for the knowledge that He has renewed mercy and grace sufficient for the needs of the day at hand …. you just need to remember to ask for it.

I continue to beg our Lord and our Mother for what I need and want, but not before giving thanks for all my blessings. I am blessed to be the mother of two amazing girls …. I have seen God’s hand in both of our girls’ adoptions and so many times throughout the years. I am blessed to have a husband who had to carry a tremendous load in our absence from each other, who supported all of his family with the strength we needed and never complained. I am blessed to have a tremendous amount of support from so many. I am no longer begging for Anais to be healed, for I know she is healed and without pain. What I beg for now, every morning and every night, is that Jesus hugs my sweet girl and Mary kisses her soft cheeks for me, and that we will be reunited in Heaven.

I find Anais constantly in my thoughts encouraging me … I don’t know if this is truly her or if it is just a coping mechanism. I choose, though, to believe it is her and is another blessing. Anais was amazing here on Earth. I can only imagine how amazing she is in Heaven.

As Always,
Anais is my Heart.

10/10/2017

On Thanksgiving Eve (Nov 22nd), TEAM ANAIS will light up the night sky by wearing things that GLEAUX as we run or walk down Camellia Blvd for the 15th Annual Camellia Crossing: Acadiana's Gleaux Run. Your registration fee and the funds you raise will make a direct impact on lives in Acadiana. All funds raised stay in Acadiana to help families fight, survive, and live with cancer. This night of family fun begins at 5:30pm in Town Square River Ranch.

When registering, please join Team Anais!

10/10/2017

I cannot believe it has been a week since I last felt the warmth of Anais' hand, kissed her soft cheeks or silky hair.

It has been over a week that I last heard Anais' contagious laugh, saw the light in her eyes or had the most entertaining of conversations.

As I sit here tonight I am joyfully amazed that I can laugh, sing her favorite songs and attempt to remember everything about her, every conversation, every crazy moment we shared on any given day, without becoming overwhelmed with grief.

I attribute this and am so thankful that God has allowed certain blessings to be bestowed upon me when I needed them most.

Months ago Anais and I spoke about if the day ever came that she was no longer able to fight. I told her I would never stop helping her fight unless she became tired of fighting. I begged her, though, to give me a sign that she was ok if indeed that day ever came.

During her last days I constantly kissed her and told her how much I loved her, that I was so proud of her .... proud of how she fought, proud that I was blessed to be her Mom, proud of who she was and even prouder of the person she became .... but I also constantly reminded her that I NEEDED her to somehow let me know she was ok.

My sign, my blessing, did not come from a butterfly or a bird or a feeling. My sign was brought to me straight from our Lord and our Blessed Mother. My sign was brought through the visions of a young man who has been given the extraordinary gift of being a visionary.

This disciple of God formed a relationship with Anais several months ago. He checked on her, he encouraged her and he introduced his vision concerning her. At first she was scared of what this vision might entail, but she seemed to find great comfort once she learned of it.

His support became an even greater comfort for her and in turn she wanted to support him through a most difficult time in his life. However through the selflessness that he possesses, he would not allow her to focus on him.

Through his visions, I was able to learn of Anais' journey to Heaven. Events that were happening in Anais' hospital room correlated with his visions. I learned exactly when the gates of Heaven opened for Anais, that she ran into the arms of our Blessed Mother when she died and how joyfully she is now dancing within the gates of Heaven.

How can I grieve knowing this ... my beautiful, talented, happy, courageous baby is in Heaven!

I am certain that not every day will be easy for I loved Anais more than life itself. She often said we were like an old married couple who shared years of love .... how can I go on living without her? My only explanation is that God has allowed these visions to be relayed to me and has allowed Anais to send her strength and peace down to me.

Thank you Noah for being exactly what Anais needed and for giving me the sign I so desperately begged for. You will lead many to God .... and for that you will be greatly blessed.

As always,
Anais is my Heart.
❤️❤️❤️

10/01/2017

My baby is dying. Please pray God takes her straight to heaven.

I love her more than life itself.

Anais is my heart.

09/30/2017

Today we decided it was time to intubate Anais. Although she was still under sedation for the BiPap, we talked to her and she said she wanted to fight.

We were told that if she continued on BiPap much longer that the high pressures she needed to maintain her oxygen level would cause increased lung damage with each successive day, and the window of opportunity was closing in order to salvage her lungs if indeed they can be saved.

Her wonderful physician who is no longer on service came to see her. She told Anais it was ok not to want to fight anymore -- that they can make sure she stays comfortable. She also told her that if she wanted to fight that being intubated could give her chance. Anais again said she wanted to fight.

In a very lucid moment she sat straight up in bed, put her hands together and said we all must pray first. We prayed and then each of us whispered in her ear how much we love her and that we would be right her with her helping her to fight.

When the team was ready, they gave her more sedation and quickly pulled her to the top of the bed with a draw sheet. In true Anais fashion, as she has approached each obstacle in her journey, she did it with a smile and humor and said "yeah, it's like I'm on a ride!" My baby is the strongest fighter I have ever met.

As hard as it is to see her intubated and not hear her beautiful voice or see the brightness of her eyes, it was even harder watching her work so hard to breathe.

God placed this beautiful blessing in my arms 17 years ago, and I am not ready to let her go. I fully know though that this is not my decision. The intense love I have for Anais is no match for the love of our Father ---- but I have hope and I continue to beg our Lord, the Holy Spirit and our Mother that it is God's will that she be healed here on earth.

The odds continue to stack up -- a bronchoscopy was done immediately after she was intubated and some of the preliminary results show blast cells. We don't yet know how this will impact the treatment plan. They have decided to stop the treatment of COP and concentrate on treating CMV and the possible fungal infection. She should have had at least minimal COP improvement with the high dose steroids which she didn't which leads them to believe that the source of her problems are the CMV and possible lung infection.

Please do not cease in praying.
Pray that:
- her lungs will get the expansion they need without developing a pneumothorax (collapsed lung)
- the blast cells are a contaminated from a previous bleed in the lung
- these meds will now truly kick in and eradicate the viral and possible fungal components of Anais' lung disease
- COP is not a factor and therefore will not further exacerbate
- the trial meds will continue to decrease the blasts in her marrow
- that God's will is for her to be healed here on Earth
- that she will not have permanent damage her lungs or be oxygen dependent

As Always,
Anais is Strong. She is a Fighter. She is my Heart. ❤️❤️❤️

09/29/2017

These past few days have been some of the hardest in Anais' journey thus far. It is so hard to watch my sweet girl struggle to breath and experience episodes of coughing that result in severe pain.

We are forced to make decisions --- and each choice can elicit an outcome that we truly never expected to be facing. We have chosen to keep her as comfortable as we can on continuous BiPap and pray that this choice will enable Anais' lungs to be better ventilated while giving the multitude of medications she is on a chance to work. She has reached high settings on the BiPap with only a few settings left to increase if the current settings cannot give her adequate ventilation. When we reach the maximum settings, she will be intubated with the hope that we can intubate prior to an actual code situation.

She & I discussed the possibility of not being able to be extubated once she is intubated. We also discussed the possibility of her beating the odds and being able to be successfully extubated after her lungs have improved.

Anais wanted me to help her make the decision, but I told her that we have to make this decision together but she always will have the final say.

After I walked out of the room for a discussion with her team of doctors and she was left in the hands of some of her beloved TCH friends, she told them she is scared, that she is not ready to die, and she is a fighter. She said this in a moment of pure lucidity and went right back asleep. She also said how she is worried about me. She has told me so many times how much she worries about her dad and Chloe if she doesn't pull through this.

This is why we chose the more conservative route --- when she is lucid, she is so much herself and we can still have small conversations. Although these conversations have become very rare over the last several days due to sedation, a pain pump and IV anxiety meds that are necessary to help her tolerate the high pressures of BiPap and pain. It is these conversations that I miss the most. These conversations filled each and every one of our days and has brought such happiness and entertainment. These are the conversations I want back -- free from the struggle to breathe.

Reality is that Anais lungs are very diseased. She has progression of COP, CMV, pneumonia, and areas that have classic characteristics of a fungal infection despite no growth on the cultures. The treatment of COP can worsen CMV and a fungal infection. CMV and a fungal infection can worsen COP. Then we have her AML relapse. The trial lowers her WBC which inhibits her ability to fight all these infections and the lack of treatment for AML will allow the blast % to continue to increase and consume her body. This is all serious business which if it were not by the pure grace of God neither one of us would be functioning right now.

We are all still functioning with great faith & hope, and we continue to contribute this to our heavy reliance upon God --- this can only come through great prayer and the vast number of people who are praying for Anais and our family. We are in awe of the support of so many --- family, friends (friends who fly your family to Houston, friends who show up in the middle of the night & friends who always know just when to show up),TCH and W&C family, ND staff & students as well as CPHS staff & students, and complete strangers. Your continued love and support for my sweet girl has touched us to the core and has reduced myself and my family to tears ---- ND's rosary and prayer gatherings, ND's game dedication to Anais tonight and the broadcast about our sweet girl had all of us crying. I still cannot look at a ND football helmet without becoming emotional. I am hoping that Anais will have an extended lucid moment so I can share all of this with her.

We are so blessed to have such profound support from our TCH family. Many come daily to offer their support or just sit beside Anais holding her hand, talking to her, providing a manicure or attempting to bring out the sass and s***k that Anais is known for at TCH. The bond they have with my girl is so strong and their presence has brought me so much peace and comfort.

Please continue to pray for my sweet blessing - Anais
- that this disease and infection will be completely eradicated from her lungs
- that she will regain functioning of her lungs with absence of scar tissue and oxygen dependence
- that she will regain her strength and independence
- that the leukemia will be totally and completed cured with no development of new cancers
- that all of these prayers are God's will

As always,
Anais is Strong. She is a Fighter. She is my Heart. ❤️❤️❤️

09/23/2017

Day 183 Post 2nd Transplant -

Thank you again to all who kept Anais in their prayers yesterday and every day.

Yesterday was a hard day, but we both rested last night -- thanks to the blessing of an amazing nurse on the night shift.

Anais tolerated the thoracentesis well. 250 cc of fluid was removed with a good portion of it being blood. We are hoping in the next couple days that her pain and breathing greatly improve, and that there will not be a reoccurrence of fluid in this area or any new areas.

Another chest CT and X-ray were done post procedure. The CT still shows lesions that could be fungal in nature despite nothing growing on the cultures taken during the bronchoscopy. Due to this the additional antifungal has been restarted. The X-ray also showed the left lung to be a little worse as compared to previous X-rays.

Due to the possibility of there again being a fungal component to the lung issues, the team will have to determine whether to continue with pulse steroids which is needed for treatment of COP. It's a hard balancing act especially when a lung biopsy cannot be done to help determine diagnosis.

Please pray
- that we can rid her lungs of any and all infection/disease and restore her level of functioning without the use of supplemental oxygen.
- that leukemic cells are not in the lungs
- that the trial will drastically reduce blast cells
- that ultimately she will be cure

Please also pray for an amazing mom I recently met whose son was only recently diagnosed and for two other families I have known for sometime now who recently found out their babies relapsed post BMT. Pray that they find renewed peace and strength daily.

As always,
Anais is Strong. She is a Fighter. She is my Heart. ❤️❤️❤️

09/21/2017

Day 180 Post 2nd Transplant -

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers, love & support for Anais.

Yesterday's chest X-ray showed some improvement after the initial high dose steroid infusion on Monday. She remained on bipap throughout most of the day and all Monday night with continuous IV sedation. This gave her lungs some much needed rest. She will be on a pulse steroid regimen which is a 1000mg dose weekly along with a maintenance IV dose of 20mg twice daily. We are hoping to see a a significant improvement in Anais' lung status in a couple days.

Anais has been hallucinating with all the sedation and pain meds, and she is forgetful. Yesterday she was placed on high flow oxygen during the day and these symptoms greatly reduced. The hallucinations resolved once the IV sedation wore off. She will continue bipap with continuous IV sedation at night.

Anais still has pain to the right lung that remains severe but has decreased slightly. More fungal cultures have come back negative from the bronchoscopy. There are a few fungal infections that can only be cultured from samples taken from a lung biopsy, but a lung biopsy is no longer an option for Anais at this time.

CMV levels in the blood have increased, and it is still detected in the lungs. This also may have caused the COP exacerbation and it is possible leukemic cells are also now in the lungs. Due to this there has been changes in her antiviral med regimen.

The decision has been made to start the second month's regimen for the trial today due to the possibility that this pain and increased shortness of breath may also be caused by leukemic cells in the lungs.

It has been extremely hard watching my sweet girl go through what has been one of the worse times since she has been diagnosed. We always spend our days with great conversation and laughter, but on Sunday and Monday these were replaced with so much pain and forgetfulness.

We are getting used to the PICU doctors and staff here but it does not feel like our second home. I am so thankful for so many of Anais' TCH care team who came to visit and message me to offer their encouragement and support. Although Anais was unable to visit with most of them, it gave me so much comfort and their kindness brought me to tears. Anais loves each and everyone of them, and I know they love her.

Please pray
- that Anais does not have a fungal infection
- that the high dose steroids will be effective in treating the COP and there will be no residual permanent scar tissue in the lungs
- that CMV will be eradicated in her lungs and blood
- that leukemic cells are not in the lungs
- that the trial will drastically reduce blast cells
- that ultimately she will be cured

As always,
Anais is Strong. She is a Fighter. She is my Heart. ❤️❤️❤️