James J. Esmail, PsyD

10/17/2022

...stick to the short version. sleep well

03/11/2021

It’s been a while since I posted anything, but here’s something new.

 I got an email from my publisher today, notifying me that my book is being translated into Korean. I was thrilled. This is soft evidence that some people are finding my book to be a helpful tool in the recovery from emotional dysregulation, negative relationships, and problematic self-defeating behaviors.

I have also done five zoom broadcast to different groups of mental health professionals telling them about the use of metaphors and storytelling to teach DBT skills. I find it my whole life experience has prepared me for this time, to speak on this topic with a base of experience. My biggest hope is that it will help people heal, grow, and become whole. And in turn they will have a positive effect on the people they touch.

I thank God for this opportunity.

01/30/2021

It is important to have heroes. These are not people who are perfect, the people who are open to the input from others, and are willing to change their mind in a better direction when presented with the evidence. Heroes are models of doing the right thing even when it is not easy. Heroes do the right thing even though they may reverse course to do it.

Most of us are familiar with the serenity prayer which tells us to change the things we can, but except the things we cannot. This is what radical acceptance in DBT is about. My book DBT metaphors and stories has a chapter and radical acceptance and list 25 people who had to except a very difficult reality, and yet did the most effective thing for themselves and their communities they lived in. For example I talk about Jackie Robinson, Helen Keller, Steve Reeves, As well as lesser known people including my uncle Sam who incurred great misfortune, yet built a life worth living. These people are heroes because they show us the correct way to radically accept life’s difficult realities, but they also inspire us to overcome great obstacles by Radically Accepting reality the way it really is.

01/20/2021

Some of the aspects of my childhood were strange. I grew up without the opportunity to have playmates in the neighborhood, and I was given no exposure to sports. When I went to elementary school I experienced great embarrassment and even shame when other boys would start a ball game andI would join in. I had none of the skills that they did, and remember vividly one time a classmate through a kickball to me and when I tried to catch it it bounced off my chest. He exclaimed loudly “he can’t even catch the ball!” A sense of shame and unworthiness engulfed me.

As such I think I know a little bit about what it’s like to be a person who frequently feels anxious, depressed, incompetent and familiar with failure. When I was first introduced to dialectical behavior therapy in graduate school, I was encouraged that here was a psychotherapy that saw people with problems not as flawed, and motivated for change, or destined for failure. DBT looked at these people as persons who were never given the skills to live emotionally happy lives and have rewarding relationships.

Believe it or not, I did go on to learn how to catch a ball, though I was years behind my classmates. Though I would not wish what I went through on anyone, it does give me a sense of appreciation that people that come to me for help are , for the most part, persons like the elementary school version of me. . People who want the skills, and just need someone to teach them how to play ball. That is why I get such a kick out of leading a DBT skills group, no I’ve been doing it for 15 years now multiple times a week with multiple groups, it never gets old. To see a “kid” who always wanted to catch a ball, and now can, never gets old.

Want to read more? Go to amazon.com, and click on the “look inside” feature.

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01/10/2021

DBT stands for dialectical behavior therapy. Some of my friends and family that have read my book simply because they are my friends are surprised how relevant DBT skills are for their lives. In a nutshell, the goal of DBT is to give a person the skills they need to build a rewarding and meaningful life. The DBT was initially designed for persons with overwhelming skills deficits, I’ve seen a number of people build on what they already have. In essence they have upgraded their repertoire of skills and find their lives filled with more happiness and joy and tranquility. These people go from having pretty good relationships, to having very rewarding and deep relationships. They decrease the amount of suffering in their life through the practice of radical acceptance.

A person may not be gravely malnourished to benefit from a good multivitamin. Likewise you may find yourself nourished by taking a look at the skills taught in DBT. If you want to see a sample you can go to Amazon click on my book and “look inside“.

See what you think. It may be time for an upgrade of your skills

12/29/2020

DBT changes the lives of persons who practice the skills. However family and friends often are very curious about what this therapy does. One of the professional reviewer’s of my book made an interesting suggestion, namely that “DBT Metaphors and Stories” could be an excellent resource.

I explain each of the skills using either a story or a metaphor to quickly describe what the skill does and how to practice it. Each entry is only about a page long, and as such, the reader can learn about DBT skills at whatever pace fits their schedule.

Easy to read, non-technical, and I dare say entertaining and at times funny. It may be a resource for those you love and who love you!!

12/27/2020

Radical acceptance and reality acceptance: when I first started teaching DBT skills I didn’t fully understand that Reality Acceptance is WHAT we accept, and Radical is HOW (all the way down to the roots of our soul) if we are to eliminate unneeded suffering and misery from our lives. All lives will encounter pain, unfortunately rejecting reality multiplies this into a life full of misery.

I explain how this works in my book “DBT Metaphors and Stories”. I have devoted a whole chapter to explaining why radical acceptance profoundly reduces the amount of psychological suffering we can experience.I give examples of persons who encountered painful circumstances, including hardship, injustice, physical pain, disabilities, and misfortune, and yet in the words of Marsha Linehan, built a life worth living. 

All lives will encounter some pain, how much misery we add to this is up to us.

12/24/2020

Many folks have taken an interest in mindfulness, but at the same time it may seem like a very abstract and elusive set of practices. My book, “ DBT metaphors and stories: understanding the skills that make life worth living“ has 34 one page entries explaining mindfulness practice. Far from being ethereal, mindfulness practice is very pragmatic. If you want to read what I have written, go to amazon.com, Put in the title, click “Look inside” and skip ahead to Chapter 2 on mindfulness.

My book is written so you can read a single one page entry at a time and learned about a specific mindfulness skill

Free delivery on millions of items with Prime. Low prices across earth's biggest selection of books, music, DVDs, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories, shoes, jewelry, tools & hardware, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care, groceries & just about anything....

12/13/2020

DBT is a set of skills that help us live more mindfully, have more rewarding relationships, experience more positive emotions, and break bad habits/self-defeating behaviors that plague us.

A friend pointed out to me that my book, DBT Metaphors and Stories, With over 200 one-page entries on these skills, is perfect for “bathroom reading material”. If you (as the title suggests), want to build a more positive life, this may be a good book to have in your bathroom. However if you just want to zone out in a mindless fashion, try People Magazine 

12/04/2020

When I began my training in clinical psychology, the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder was a label that suggested no hope for persons suffering from torturous emotions, self-destructive behaviors, and train-wreck relationships. Therapists did not want to work with these patients. But in 1993, DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) was introduced to the mental health field, and suddenly people began to get better. When you have the cure, treating the patient is not a scary thing.

That is why I am thankful for DBT.

12/03/2020

Big announcement: my book, DBT Metaphors and Stories: Understanding the Skills that make Life Worth Living is here! You can pre-order it on Amazon, and it will be released on December 30. https://www.amazon.com/DBT-Metaphors-Stories-Understanding-Skills/dp/0367636212/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1606958610&sr=8-2