Emma Schmidt & Assoc., Sex + Relationship Therapy

03/11/2025

02/11/2025

In our day to day lives, we often use arousal and desire interchangeably. However, in our office, we work hard to educate that desire and arousal are actually NOT the same thing, nor do they have to even go together!

Desire is a longing or craving, usually for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment. Oftentimes, we have been fed cultural scripts for what desire is, “supposed,” to look like - spontaneous, “I need it now,” desire. This can make people (spoiler: alot of folks) who don’t experience that spontaneous desire feel broken, or like they have a desire problem. That’s not necessarily the case - there are three main ways we can experience desire, and no one way is more, “normal,” or better than the other. In fact, we can fluctuate from one form of desire to another depending on what is happening in our lives.

Arousal is a state of excitement or energy linked to an emotion. Usually, arousal is closely related to a person’s appraisal of the significance an event or to the physical intensity of a stimulus. Arousal has various characteristics including physiological characteristics such as increased blood flow, increased heart rate, or ge***al lubrication and subjective elements such as active mental engagement in s*x.

In short, desire is the more mental side of s*xual intimacy - the feeling of wanting to engage in s*xual behavior. Arousal is the more physical side of intimacy - the body and mind preparing to engage.

Next time you are feeling one or the other, take the time to sort out which you are feeling - desire, arousal, or both!

02/06/2025

I’m pretty sure I’m not just speaking for myself when I say, I’ve felt disappointed before about how certain holidays were handled. Specifically, the ones that might have celebrated me, just a little. Birthdays are a biggie, and since becoming a mom, so is that special day in May. This time of year, of course, we can’t ignore the big pink and red elephant in the room: Valentine’s Day.

If you have never experienced disappointment on one of these days, well then I am truly happy for you! I would love to compare notes on what went well. For those who know what I am talking about though, I hope that whether you are partnered or single, you find something useful in these three tips.

1. Communicate: If you have a vision in mind for that special day, talk to your partner about it. A successful conversation around this will reduce stress for both partners while also leveling up your communication skills. Being clear and explicit about wanting to be surprised with candles and rose petals on a freshly-made bed is not uns*xy–if anything, it ensures you’re both on the same page for later.

2. Do-It-Yourself: Treat yourself, and get in on those good feelings. If you want it, why wait for someone else to make it happen, or deny yourself the pleasure if you do not have someone else to “do it for you”? Get those flowers, hand-dip your own strawberries in chocolate, and practice some self-love by penning yourself a love note. Remember, this is within your control.

3. Be Authentic to You: Quite possibly the best thing you can do for yourself is step back and look inside–what do you really want? What about this feels most important to you? What are you really asking for today?

Share any tips you have below!

02/04/2025

Most parent’s worst nightmare just happened to you - you walked in on your child ma********ng. Are you currently hiding in your bedroom, afraid of seeing your kid, hoping you can avoid eye contact for the next four years before they move out?

Although this is an option, here is some guidance for a different way to approach this awkward moment.
-Do not confront them in the moment, or from a space of stress or fear. Its common to be uncomfortable, but remember to stay calm and grounded when talking to your child. Take a second to ground yourself by meditating, taking deep breathes, or finding a distracting activity.
-When you are calm, find a time to let them know that what they are doing is normal and that you’ll try harder to respect their privacy.
Initiate a conversation about privacy with their bodies. Discuss letting your child keep their bedroom door closed if they want and knocking before you go into their room.
-Let your teen know that people of all genders ma******te, and it is perfectly normal to do so or not to do so. It is their body and they can choose what feels good
It might still be awkward, but this creates an opportunity for open discussion and deeper connection with your young one.

Want more guidance on how to have these conversations with your child, or finding yourself wanting more information about your own s*x education? Come talk to one of our therapists at Hey Emma who can provide helpful guidance, information, and allow you to unpack your own experiences!

-Taylor

01/30/2025

Let’s start out by playing a quick game of would you rather:

Would you rather be forced to sing along or dance to every single song you hear?
Would you rather cuddle a koala or pal around with a panda?
Would you rather have an open conversation with your partner about your s*x life or literally anything else?

Did that last “would you rather” strike fear into your heart? Maybe you found yourself running through a list of things in your mind, bargaining with the universe that you will do anything if you don’t have to have THAT conversation. Don’t worry – you are not alone. I work with individuals and couples everyday to support their exploration and comfort-building with s*xual desire and intimacy. More often than not, their primary barrier boils down to discomfort (and sometimes avoidance) surrounding open conversations about s*xuality with their partner.

The good news is that s*xual communication skills are just that – skills. They are not an innate trait someone is born knowing how to do and because of that, there is always room to grow and learn! Read on to learn more about s*xual communication and ways to grow your skills and confidence in that area.

Read more from Taylor on tips on how to have these conversations at www.HeyEmma.com/blog

01/28/2025

If you’re here, it’s probably because your child has seen p**n—or you’re worried they might. First, take a deep breath. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. It means you’re living in the real world, where kids have easy access to the internet and curiosity is part of being human. What matters now is how you handle it, and that’s where we come in.

In talking about p**n literacy- there are a few things to keep in mind. Here are some highlights, but the full article is available on www.HeyEmma.com/blog

1. Keep it age appropriate: This likely will be an ongoing conversation that will evolve based on the age of your child. A conversation with a younger child will be different than that with a teen.

2. Focus on values not shame: instead of saying p**n is bad, talk about what you value as a family

3. Be a safe place, not a judge: if your child feels judged, they may not come to you next time when they have questions

Talking about p**n isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most important ways you can help your child grow into a confident, informed adult. By starting the conversation now—and continuing it over time—you’re giving them the tools they need to navigate a digital world with curiosity, respect, and critical thinking.

And remember—you don’t have to do this alone. There’s a whole community of parents, educators, and therapists ready to support you every step of the way.

01/23/2025

Let’s talk about something we don’t usually hear a lot about: how winter can take a toll on both chronic illness and s*xual health. If you’ve ever felt like the colder months make everything harder—your pain levels, your energy, your mood—you’re not imagining it. Winter can amplify so much of what makes living with a chronic condition challenging. And for a lot of folks, that includes intimacy.

So, why does everything feel worse when it’s cold? Well, colder temperatures can increase inflammation, which means more pain for those of you dealing with conditions like arthritis, fibromyalgia, or other chronic pain disorders. And with less sunlight, your serotonin levels can drop, which can bring on seasonal depression or make existing anxiety worse. And anxiety and depression actually increase pain receptors in the brain making the pain you’re already feeling feel even worse.

And you’re not alone. Here’s what the numbers say:

-50% of people with chronic illnesses report some form of s*xual dysfunction.
-Conditions like arthritis and fibromyalgia are notorious for flaring up during the colder months (thanks, winter).
-If you’re managing depression or anxiety alongside your chronic condition, you’re two to three times more likely to see your libido take a nosedive.

So what can you do?
1. Create warmth- literally get warm!
2. Redefine Intimacy- intimacy doesn't have to mean s*x
3. Talk about it- if you feel disconnected, talk with your partner
4. Make adjustments that work for you- sometimes it's not about fixing things, but adapting
5. Don't forget about yourself- selfcare isn't selfish

To learn more about each of these tips, or read the full blog, visit www.HeyEmma.com/blog

01/22/2025

Meet one of our newest student interns, Blythe.

Blythe is now taking new clients in our Cincinnati office. Here is a little bit more about her:

As a counselor trainee, I am endlessly curious, research-driven, and ready to help my clients experience a more expansive version of themselves–with more choices, satisfaction, and knowledge. I’m eager to help individuals and couples with a broad range of concerns including depression, anxiety, trauma, life-change struggles, and other mental health challenges.

I use evidence-based practices from the following therapeutic approaches (among others) to help my clients embrace self-leadership and lives that align more clearly with their values and goals:
-Psychodynamic
-Adlerian
-Attachment-Based Therapy
-Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
-Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)

In short, my approach is integrative, evidence-based, and collaboratively tailored to your unique needs. I would describe my interpersonal style as nonjudgmental, creative, interactive, and goal-driven.

To set up a consultation or appointment with Blythe, call our office at 513-438-0448 or visit www.HeyEmma.com

01/20/2025

Discernment Therapy Course for Therapists

To stay or to leave?

When one partner wants out and the other wants to stay, traditional couples therapy isn’t enough. That’s where Discernment Therapy steps in. This evidence-based approach helps ambivalent couples find clarity and confidence about their relationship’s future.

Join Our Live Course through Hey Emma Academy:

• Master the Three Paths Framework to guide couples in making thoughtful decisions.

• Learn practical tools, open-ended questions, and communication techniques to unlock clarity.

• Gain actionable insights from real-world case studies and research-based strategies.

• Receive a step-by-step guide for structuring each session, along with resources to support your clients. Whether you’re a therapist, counselor, or coach, this course will elevate your skills and give you the confidence to help couples navigate their toughest moments.

When: February 7th 8:00am - 12:00pm Where: Live online

CEUs: AASECT + NBCC hours approved

Bonus: Attendees will leave with resources they can immediately apply in practice.



https://heyemma.thinkific.com/courses/DiscernmentTherapy?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR3Jub6oBvnTGYj3YI9IS4FSAJ1jZqHDVrcRxljNlHvespxL2nKo2rdNqY4_aem_6h2aVLa2P2MX--cjfsuh4A

01/16/2025

Trials are underway in Britain for the first-ever male contraceptive pill, which is showing promise with high reliability and few side effects. This development raises the question of whether heteros*xual men are willing to share the responsibilities of preventing unwanted pregnancies.

Throughout history, women have borne the primary responsibility for contraception, but societal changes have led to increased gender equality. The introduction of a male contraceptive pill is a test of whether men will embrace shared responsibility. Contraception has transformed society, improving opportunities for women, gender equality, and economic development. However, men have not been asked to do much in terms of reproduction control. The male contraceptive pill in trials offers a chance for men to take on a greater role in family planning and equal participation in s*xual relationships. Its approval could reveal important information about men's attitudes toward shared responsibility in reproductive matters

01/14/2025

In recent research, it has been found that approximately one-third of men are open to the idea of having more than one wife or long-term girlfriend, while only 11% of women expressed interest in such arrangements. This interest holds for both polygyny (one man with multiple women) and polyandry (one woman with multiple men). About 9% of men were open to sharing their partner, compared to 5% of women. Interestingly, these preferences exist despite the prohibition of such marriages. The study involved 393 heteros*xual participants and revealed that more men are open to non-monogamous relationships than women. Polygamy and polyandry have historical and cultural precedents in various societies.

01/09/2025

You’ve noticed an increase in the arguments lately. Or maybe you’ve struggled to find time for intimacy when you’re both “in the mood”. You’ve been looking into s*x and relationship therapy, but you’ve also started to realize you might need individual therapy as well. How do you know where to begin?

Individual therapy and couples therapy can be used to improve different aspects of your life. Individual therapy can help you understand and address your own personal challenges, while relationship therapy can help you improve your communication and connection with your partner. When combined, individual and relationship therapy can be a powerful tool for improving both your personal and relational well-being. Each type of therapy can offer its own benefits, but knowing where to begin sometimes feels tricky and can stop one from taking the first step.

If you are looking for support in addressing trauma that may be impacting your relationships, or if you notice patterns of relationships challenges across many different types of relationships- starting with individual therapy may be a good place for you.

If you are primarily looking to address communication, conflict resolution, or increasing intimacy and connection, starting with couples therapy may be best.

It may be a good idea to do both therapies at the same time if:
-You are struggling with personal challenges that are impacting your relationship, such as anxiety, a physical health change, or low self-esteem.
-You are experiencing conflict in your relationship that you are unable to resolve on your own.
-You are committed to working on yourself and your relationship.

Whether you are seeking individual therapy, couples therapy, or both, we have a team that is ready to guide you on this journey. Learn more at www.HeyEmma.com