The Luwandi Center

10/02/2025

Self-esteem isn't Other-esteem. It comes from the inside out.

You don't have to earn, prove, or obtain it. But we weren't taught that as children. Truth is, it's very easy to learn the opposite.

But Fred Rogers gave us another message: "I like you just the way you are." And he also told us "You can handle big feelings."

Then he showed us what to do with those big feelings. (And it wasn't lashing out at others or having a fit or letting those big feels get the better of us. It wasn't denying them either.)

Good inner child work means we acknowledge our early wounding and childhood perception and then, as Wise, Gentle, Benevolent Adults, we peel those grimy little hands off the steering wheel, or off the hammer, so to speak.

We need to do both. Not one or the other.

Self-esteem is not about anyone else validating you or your feelings. It's about knowing you're valuable because you showed up in human form. You are a sentient, self-aware being. You do not have to prove, earn, or obtain your worth. At.All.

You don't deserve to be indulged either. Or coddled. And that inner child should not be driving the bus. It's okay. Showing up as a Wise, Gentle, Benevolent Adult requires appropriate self-esteem.

Don't quite know how to access that part of you? I can help.

Not convinced Gentleness and Benevolence are wise, adult characteristics? I can help with that too.

The Little You and the Big You BOTH deserve this kind of real self-esteem. Get on my call schedule: https://calendly.com/bethluwandi/15min or head to the link in bio. ?

09/10/2025

Lots of people ask the question "does marriage counseling work?" The answer depends on what you mean by "work". Does it help? Will you grow? Will it save your sanity or help you make a decision about staying or splitting? Absolutely YES! Will it save your marriage? I gave a complex answer HERE, but ultimately that answer is maybe... for the most part, yes......

What I really see as a relationship expert counselor and coach. Find out if marriage counseling is worth it.

08/29/2025

Sometimes, conversation can ruin a relationship. When 90% of communication is non-verbal, we would do well to know when to speak and when to contain our words and manage ourselves.

The tricky part is knowing when to do what, am I right?
When is something so important it needs to be said? When is it time to respect the other person as an adult and keep one's thoughts to oneself? And if something is so important we do need to discuss it, how do we go about broaching the topic in order to have the highest impact on the listener and hopefully get our needs met?

Addressing this is one of the most important things you can learn if you want to have healthy relationships. It's certainly one of the things we talk about in relationship counseling or coaching.

If you think you need to talk things out, it could be you're actually shooting yourself in the foot (and overwhelming your listener) with too many words. I know there's a reason you feel so strongly about needing to talk things out. And that is a legit, important reason.

But the truth is, talking too much guarantees you will NOT get what you want in relationships. Terry Real, founder of Relational Life Therapy and one of my mentors, pinpoints "unbridled self-expression" as a Losing Strategy in relationship. Ongoing Losing Strategies produce very unhappy relationships and often lead to divorce.

It's definitely one of the things we address when we work together.

If you are well meaning, but know talking things out is not working to bring you closer to getting what you want in relationship...or if you're reading this and you're exhausted with all the words coming at you from your partner, reach out. Let's change all that.

Get on my call schedule https://calendly.com/bethluwandi/15min
and let's see about working together.

08/27/2025

The unexamined thought is not worth believing. So, question each of them.
Especially the thoughts you have as a reflex.

Questioning those reflexive thoughts- the ones that automatically flow- starts with accepting the possibility your current thinking MAY NOT be accurate, helpful, or beneficial.

It's understandable if this seems challenging. Most of us adopted our way of thinking in order to survive and make sense of the world when we had kid-brain and kid-logic working for us. Even if it made great sense then, it may not apply now.

Besides, most of us highly identify with our own thoughts, unless we've been invited to sit back and observe them.

Yoga can be good for this. Meditation is great! Both have enormously beneficial long-term, and short-term outcomes. In fact, any form of mindfulness produces tremendous benefits.

That's why it's one of the tenets and foundational pillars of Whole Human Therapy (TM).

I did not want WHT to be perceived as woo-woo, "granola crunchy", New Age, or just plain weird, so I incorporated mindfulness in a practical way.

One of the tools I ask clients to engage is the phrase "hmmmm, that's interesting." It gives them a chance to PAUSE and simply observe their thoughts.

It's something you can do. Instead of just going with that knee-jerk response (even when it's internal) go ahead and PAUSE, then, out loud, say "hmmm, that's interesting" and take a deep breath and let it out.

Next we say "the story I tell myself is" and say out loud the thought the mind jumps to. Using this phrase ahead of the thought AND making it verbal helps us resist heavy identification with it and surrendering to an unconscious acceptance of our own story.

From there, we get to decide if the thought is accurate, helpful, or beneficial.

There is ALWAYS a whole different way to look at any bit of information. When this process gets to be a daily habit, you'll find yourself with so much more clarity and insight instead of unconsciously letting your thoughts rule your day, mood, response, and actions.

08/20/2025

Recovery after relationship loss does not have to be scary. This one's for you if a grief or divorce recovery group is not your style, but you'd still like to get free of all the sticky spots. It's for you even if you feel guilty about getting past those stuck places. It's for you even if you're worried that doing this work means you didn't love the person. (Pssst, it does not mean that, but it's normal to feel that way).
Losing relationship can negatively affect us for a long time; indefinitely if we let it. There are things you can do to help. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DNljwozOpR0/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=ZGZ1dHdmNnQyM3A1

08/18/2025

Ask me anything today. Get on my call schedule and let's chat. https://calendly.com/bethluwandi/15min

08/17/2025

Whole Hearts Class starts tomorrow 6 pm Eastern. Go HERE to learn more and register! https://www.theluwandicenter.com/kuQ205 Very cool bonus in the first comment.

There is no doubt that the pain from losing a relationship can last a very long time. And living with a broken heart affects absolutely everything.

08/04/2025

I realize I'm talking cis normative, hetero stuff here, but it's hella effective. I tell my female clients all the time that a shift in their energy is needed.

Then we work on this.

Don't get me wrong: if love feels unsafe, there are good reasons. And we work on that first.

Some people are ready to take a look at their part in the energy of a relationship. I love working with THIS. If you might be ready, let's chat. Get on my call schedule at the website https://bethluwandi.com/contact-page-beth-luwandi/

07/31/2025

We ask "can this marriage be saved?" but a more appropriate question might be "should this marriage be saved?" If we're a similar age, perhaps you remember the Ladies' Home Journal column of the same title: Can this Marriage Be Saved? I read that column start to finish, religiously, just as soon as the magazine arrived for my mom...by the time I was eleven!...

Maybe I intuitively knew by then that my parents' marriage was on the rocks. Though they stayed married another 15 years, I now know that it was, indeed, doomed by the time I was reading that column.

Make no mistake, your unhappy marriage is affecting the people around you. It's especially affecting your children. And if you can't figure it out, it will become their challenge. So...

Should your marriage be saved?

If you're going to pay a counselor to help you figure this out, then she ought to be equipped with real insight into what is going on for you. She should also feel an ethical obligation to TELL you if there are major issues that must be addressed before healthy relationship can be built between the two of you.

Often couples counselors "stay neutral" and try not to "take sides." But when it comes to the most impactful relationship of your daily life, you need someone who can actually help you assess based on professional criteria and trusted, researched, hard data.

In the full article, read what issues need to be addressed first, and which ones are NOT a rule-out for building a healthy marriage. (Pssst, infidelity is NOT an automatic death sentence.) You might be surprised the one factor that absolutely is, though. Click on the link for all the information. (about a 7 minute read) https://wp.me/p6N5AN-2aY

Can this marriage be saved? Or should it be saved? Details about how to determine whether you should hang in there or let go.

06/25/2025

Did you see this?! Letting go is super simple, but that doesn't mean it's easy. Here are tips for how to actually DO it!
"It's only hard until it's not." And then it IS REALLY EASY! Check it out.

Letting go can seem difficult, but these tips will help you make this just as easy as it should be. Learn how to do it!

06/24/2025

Letting go gets recommended a lot, by well-meaning individuals, by healing professionals, and by growth-minded communities. "Just let it go." "You'll feel better if you just let that go." "Let Go and Let God." Learning to let go is super important. In fact, having this skill firmly in hand is key to your growth. Still, many people struggle with it. They may say things to themselves like:...

Letting go can seem difficult, but these tips will help you make this just as easy as it should be. Learn how to do it!

06/13/2025

Codependency and Independence have different reputations, but they are both bad for healthy relationship. In many ways, they are two sides of the same coin. Codependency made its debut in the common vernacular from roots in addiction and twelve-step interventions. Independence, on the other hand, seems to be a national, inherited "treasure" even though, in relationship, it costs us tremendously....

Codependency and Independence are each bad for healthy relationship. Find out how to eliminate both in order to enjoy connecting.