02/08/2019
Here is a copy of an opinion piece I recently submitted to the Oregonian:
As a therapist I frequently see clients treat their partners with disrespect and/or contempt even though they love each other. Individually, they are often able to turn these behaviors around and build healthy relationships.
However, currently I am seeing an alarming trend as politicians and media personalities berate one another creating a culture of contempt. Individuals are invited to be on interview shows where moderators ask questions, then talk over the guest’s response, to make their point. I saw one show where not a single guest was allowed to complete a sentence. Perhaps they believe that this drama makes good television. It certainly is not creating a healthy culture or modeling how to respectfully relate to other people who have a different opinion.
In addition, this contempt is creating a polarization that is usually reserved for wartime. During war time we dehumanize the enemy by calling them names, i.e., “the Japs” or “the Nazis” in World War II. This helps keep them as “other” rather than human beings with feelings who are also suffering through the conflict. Now politicians are modeling this as immigrants are thought of as criminals or terrorists. Are some immigrants criminals or terrorists? Yes. But is the percentage higher than among the current US citizenship? Doubtful. Immigrants are individual human beings. The United States is a nation of immigrants.
But this black and white, all-or-nothing thinking, is problematic in most situations. In marriages and congress, it creates a win-lose mentality. It allows disrespect and contempt as part of the negotiations. It doesn’t start out with looking at our common values and goals and how to work towards making sure the real needs are met. It doesn’t allow for brainstorming many alternatives but gets focused on polarized positions. Somewhere along the line, the “deep respect for the opinions of mankind” foundational to the Declaration of Independence has been lost on some of our current politicians and media personalities.
Is this culture of disrespect what we model for our children? Is this legacy we want to leave them to cope with? If this trend continues unconfronted, it is likely to get worse instead of better. Politicians and media personnel have made choices to be public figures and in doing so, are choosing to model for future generations appropriate or inappropriate behavior. It’s time for them to take responsibility to act like respectful human beings.
