Brighter Days Counseling by Carley

11/09/2022

hope you can find as much comfort as my dog has today 🧡🧡

10/12/2022

08/26/2022

I’ll be taking some much needed time off in the next 2 weeks.


If you want to schedule an appointment/consultation with me (OH residents) , I have openings 8/31 while I’m away!

08/15/2022

It makes sense to me that people are afraid that they’ve completely lost themselves.

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After years of taking care of everybody else and putting everybody else’s needs first, it starts to feel like you don’t know who you are at all. But in reality, there’s a good chance that you know exactly who you are. A lot of people are afraid that if they stop people pleasing, that they’re gonna lose that kind and caring and compassionate version of themselves that they DO like. But what actually ends up happening is they keep all of those beautiful characteristics and get rid of what they want to. The stress, the guilt the anxiety, and everything else negative that goes hand in hand with people pleasing. You start to be able to make and uphold boundaries. You start to live life the way you want to. You start to feel more free and in control and get rid of that guilt that seemed to follow you around.

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Above all else what I do is work with you to figure out what’s keeping you from being that version of you that you’re aspiring to be. Often times, people pleasing is playing an even bigger role than you ever imagined. Our bodies and brains are designed to keep us safe and functioning. But, sometimes what used to work for us in the past stops working. It starts getting in the way instead. It takes intentionality to discover what new ways of life can support your new reality. Everyone has a different origin story of how the people pleasing developed and exploring the root cause is only a part of the answer. The next part of healing usually takes some support from the professionals.

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If you wanna work on cultivating that version of yourself and you’re in Ohio, I would love to work with you. You can also call me at 216-302-1418

08/05/2022

POV you’re my barista and you’re waiting for me to get comfortable - which takes a minute because of my sensory issues.



(9 times out of 10, I’m sitting cross legged during therapy sessions)

08/02/2022

Mid day coffee breaks with Paulie

07/20/2022

Three Types of People Pleasers in Therapy...


And I love them all! Therapy isn't an easy thing to do for anyone. But, as people pleasers their tends to be some unique challenges of showing up authentically because of our "need to be like".


Ahem.. or should I say because of the unique way we learned to protect ourselves.



Going to therapy, being vulernable, and risking being seen for our true inner self is scary but rewarding work.



If you "protect" your loved ones from being seen as "bad guys" by your therapist, this is something to explore potentially. Maybe ask yourself, "what am I worried will happen if I share this with my therapist?" or "What is the benefit to me for leaving out these details?" Often times, once a person feels safe enough with a therapist, they will start to feel safe enough to share this previously guarded information.



The one who needs to break up with their therapist. Whether you aren't vibing or whether you feel like you just need a break, having that conversation is hard for many people. Sometimes, the act of bringing up how difficult the conversation is to start with your therapist is actually really helpful to get to what's underneath! If you aren't a good fit together, this is even more urgent to initiate because you don't want to waste your own time or energy. Research shows the most important factor for positive therapy outcomes is the relationship you have with your therapist! Find someone who works better for you!



The one who feels anxious about whether their therapist likes them or not. This is basically the definition of people pleasing. I SEE YOU. I've actually had a therapist where I couldn't tell if she even like me! If your therapist is coming of "cold" and its feeling unsettling, you can always search out a better fit to find someone who is "warmer" towards you. If this is how you always feel about new people, hang in there! Be willing to share these specific thoughts with your therapist because those are HUGE opportunities to connect and heal!

07/18/2022

Your next cup of coffee on me! I am looking for a handful of people pleasers to participate in 1 on 1 interviews!



These interviews will support me in collecting information to add more value to my social media. I'll be asking questions about how your people pleasing affects your life.



Interviews will last between 10-30 minutes. Current/past clients are not able to participate due to ethical guidelines.



If you're interested, please click the link in my bio to my website and fill out the contact form under the "People Pleasers Focus Group" form.



I'll contact the participants via text to schedule the interviews over the next few weeks.



attachment

07/14/2022

Behind the scenes


Love getting to meet up with one my other favorite care providers in my community ✨

06/28/2022

Partners can be huge sources of comfort for people pleasers. Ironically though, they are often one of the most triggering relationships as well!



Because people pleasers feel the need to guard others from experience discomfort, it can limit the relationship from progressing into a deeper/more secure place.



For relationships to grow and be healthy, all individuals involved need to feel independent and connected. We need to be able to live our own lives and then come together to enjoy each other.



People pleasers often spend a lot of time observing their partner for signs of dissatisfaction and worry about the future of their relationship.



Sometimes, this causes some partners to feel smothered and actually does the opposite of what the people pleaser is trying to prevent.



If this sounds like you and you want to find more relief in your relationships, I have a few spots open. Check out my website to book a free consult!

06/17/2022

A little guide to supporters ✨

06/07/2022

05/17/2022

"Why do I attract awful people into my life. They always turn out to be so bad for me."


This is something I hear all too often as a therapist. And over and over again, I am able to reflect on how our nervous system gets rigged based on our environment growing up.



Obviously, there is a spectrum for those who come from chaos. It could have been hourly fights between parents or it could have been silently managing your dads emotions without anyone quite noticing. Everyone learns a way to keep themselves safe and begins to build a tolerance/familiarity to the chaos in our lives. We are programed for healing and safety after all.



So what does that mean if your nervous system is only calm around "bad people"?



It means we have to give your nervous a reset through healing the causes of the lack of alarm. Meaning, it always traces back to where your body learned to protect itself.



Healing is possible and once you're able to reset your nervous system and the way you see yourself in the world, it gets a lot easier. Luckily, I have seen so many of my clients heal and learn to attract and embrace healthy individuals into their lives. Now, they are able to really maintain friendships and romantic relationships that add quality to their life instead of take away from it.



If this sounds like you, lets get to the bottom of the problem and stop putting bandaids over bullet holes. It's about time you find some relief!

05/08/2022

We all play parts in our families. Maybe you’re the sporty one, the academic one, or the shy one in your family. As humans we have a habit of putting ourselves into smaller boxes instead of being full dimensional and ever changing people.



But, sometimes families aren’t always the safe haven that’s portrayed in the shows. When family becomes unhealthy, toxic, or dysfunctional, the parts we play become a bit less playful.



When growing up in a house like this you learn to play a part for survival.



People play their parts or stay in their roles for years and sometimes decades. The problem with this is that the purpose of these roles is to keep the family unhealthy. If someone stops playing their role, then change happens are the illusion of things “being fine” starts to life.



There are many roles in families like this but chances are if you landed on my page, you’re identifying as a people pleaser.



Caretakers and people pleasers can be one in the same, especially if your people pleasing started in childhood.



You might be a caretaker (then or now) if you found yourself doing any of the following :

☁️ Kept people from fighting

☁️ Tried to make your family seem okay for those on the outside

☁️ Tried to prevent negative emotions in those around you

☁️ Took on more of a parent role than a child role

☁️ Experience codependency



If this sounds like you, don’t stress! Caretakers take on a lot of emotional, physical , and mental stress of the environment they were places in. They often feel especially responsible for the bad things that happen - even after they leave their childhood home.



There are ways to heal from this and to start to feel like life can be lighter and easier than it is now or than it was back then.



I would love to work with you. If you live in Ohio. Check the link in my bio and fill out a client form.

04/28/2022

And more....

04/25/2022

Too many times, I have heard people say "I am just too nice" in reference to them sacrificing their own comfort for others.



Don't get me wrong, there can be beauty in this sacrifice. But once it starts becoming a pattern and draining the person, the jig is up.



Chances are there is something driving this. It could be a fear of disappointing others, trying to preform in order to be seen as valuable, or from a place of habit.



It's not too late to dive into the root causes and start to heal the people pleasing part of you.



Have a lovely day, I am rooting for you!



-Carley Trillow



pleaser