House of John

07/18/2025

Thank you to everyone who helped make this year’s golf tournament a huge success! We are continually grateful for the ways our supporters help us make House of John home for so many in our community. We can’t wait to celebrate again with you next year!

05/30/2025

We had such a special night celebrating all of our amazing volunteers with awards and dinner at Warfield’s!

This year, Linda Guest received a thirty year pin and certificate, Kate Zehr and Faith Heise received a 15 year pin and certificate, and Marge Lash a ten year pin and certificate. We are so thankful for the dedicated volunteers who have spent many years with us caring for those who call House of John Home.

Every year a Volunteer of the Year, who is nominated by fellow volunteers, receives the Bob and Carol Wood Award. This year, it went to Mary Donahue who passed here at the House of John on Feb 9, 2025. Mary started volunteering here in 1999 with her Mother Betty. Betty passed here at HOJ in 2016 and Mary continued to volunteer, serve on our Board of Directors, and was an on-call nurse. We were blessed to have Mary here for over 25 years as part of the House of John Family and there truly couldn't be a more deserving recipient of this award. Gavin Donahue graciously came to accept the award.

05/11/2025

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. There will be many first time Moms celebrating and there will be many who are going to be without their Mom for the first time. We wish you all peace and love, and to cherish motherhood wherever you are at. 💕

04/27/2025

Everyday we deal with families and their loved ones. Does your family know your wishes? This is so very important.

04/23/2025

One of the things I have learned working in hospice is that not everyone wants their hand held, and yet most of us immediately go to the hand of the person in the bed, taking it tightly in our own hoping that it brings them comfort. We often do not ask first; we just take their hand in ours and we hold it regardless of whether this is something they would want.

I had a man once tell me that he felt trapped when his hand was taken without permission, which made me more aware of the importance and sensitivity of asking first. I can’t help but wonder how it must feel to be lying in a bed, often without a voice to speak up, when someone takes your hand, or touches you, or moves a pillow, or raises or lowers the bed, all without warning… imagine how that must feel.

This is when having a conversation with the people we love long before we find ourselves here is so important. We need to find out how they feel about touch, which can also include hugging, because remember, not every person wants to be hugged.

When my brother was in the ICU without a voice to speak up, the doctor touched his foot, and it twitched in response. The first thing the doctor said was, “does your brother have a history of seizures?” I explained that my brother was extremely ticklish and soon after I put a sign on the wall to make sure that no one touched his feet again. My point being… if we know ahead of time, we can respect the wishes of the person in that bed, and we can avoid discomfort on multiple levels.

For many years I have been a hospice nurse and have learned that most adults when declining from age or illness, struggle with speaking up about what they do not like, such as you taking a hold of their hand. I now work as a pediatric palliative care nurse and work with children, who can often make it very clear what they do and don’t want, especially when it comes to touch. They will quickly pull their hand away or move away from your touch if they are able, because they are not living with fear of letting others down by saying they do or do not want something.

Perhaps we can learn from the children and make it clear what we want, and if we do not want to be touched, hugged, or have our hands held without permission, we make that known now while we can, so when that time comes, someone can put a sign on the wall that says, “please do not hold his hand,” or whatever other message you want everyone to know. Having this conversation ahead of time allows us to be their voice, honoring and respecting them beautifully.

And in the meantime, maybe we could all become a little more aware of how differently we each want to be cared for and not assume that because we might welcome a hug or wish to have our hand held, everyone else would too. We should always ask first and be mindful that it might not be welcome.

xo
Gabby

You can find this blog here:
https://www.thehospiceheart.net/post/not-everyone-wants-their-hand-held

03/11/2025

💞

When someone takes their last breath after you stepped away, or moments before you walk back in the room, I truly believe that this was in many ways intentional. I think most people want privacy and they don’t want it to be the last thing you see, so they wait for the moment when it’s just a little quieter and they can take their last breath in peace. Most people do not want an audience at that particular moment.

So many people feel like they let their person down, and that they abandoned them somehow. My belief is that they don’t take with them who was there at the last breath, they take with them who was there all along… in their heart.

If you were there every day caring for them, if you were only able to get there once a week or once a month, if you could only make phone calls or have a FaceTime with them, or if you were only able to check in with their caregiver or the facility where they might’ve been staying…. You were there. You were there in the best way you possibly could be. Don’t beat yourself up.

When people are dying, they have this amazing sense of awareness, they know what is going on, they know how you are feeling about it, they know who is there, and they also know when they are being cared for well, or not as well as they should be.

Our role is to make sure that they are cared for well whether we are at their bedside 24/7 or 1000 miles away.

We do the best that we can. And sometimes we look back with a bit of regret, I know this personally, but I have had to learn to make peace with the fact that I did what I could with the time that I had. And I know in my heart that my love for them was felt and that I was there as much as I could be. ♥️

xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net

01/19/2025

This....

One of the things I stress most to the people at the bedside of someone who is dying, is to be mindful of how aware their person is, even when completely non-responsive. I truly believe that they know you are there, they hear everything you say, they pick up on your energy and what you bring into the room, and they know when they are dying. I think they become more aware of everything when they are near death.

You have probably been told or have witnessed that the hearing is in many ways heightened at the end of life. For years I have shared this with family members, encouraging them to say the most important things they need to say before someone takes their last breath. And while I believe this with every ounce of my being, until it happened to me personally, did I know for certain.

When my brother was intubated and unresponsive in the ICU, I expressed regret over past conflicts and time lost, and I kept saying “I’m sorry.” The day before he died, he woke up, they took him off the ventilator and the oxygen, and I asked him if he knew I was there, and he said to me “I’m sorry too.” Hearing those words meant everything, but more than that was knowing that he heard mine, and he took them with him.

Do they hear you when you are talking to them? Yes!

So, keeping that in mind, know that they also hear you when you are talking about them, when you are chatting with others, and when you are distracted by your phone, computer, or whatever else you have going on.

Knowing this information should inspire us even more to ask the people we love what they would want to hear at the end of their life such as music, prayers, reading from a favorite book, listening to the news or a television show, or do they want silence at their bedside? If we know this, then when that time comes, we can honor them in the way that they deserve. This is why having these conversations are so important way before someone begins to decline from age or illness.

If your person dies shortly after you leave or before you return, it may indicate their preference for privacy at that moment. It is important not to take this personally or feel that you have abandoned them. Perhaps they did not want that to be the last thing you witnessed. Their awareness may guide them to choose a private moment for their final breath, which from their perspective is as much for you as it is for them.

I don't think they take with them who was there at the last breath, I think they take with them who was there all along.

Having conversations about end-of-life preferences ahead of time allows us to respect and fulfill their wishes. Offer to make them a playlist of their favorite songs, or ask which prayers, poems, or books they would like you to read from.

Have the conversation now… don’t wait for the bedside or when they are no longer able to respond. Ask them now, so you can honor them when it matters most.

xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net

I wrote "The Conversation" as a guide to help start important discussions. It includes tips and tools, along with insights from people at the end of their lives about what mattered most to them, how they wished others had communicated with them, and their preferences for care. Their contributions may also benefit you.

You can find this book here: https://www.amazon.com/Conversation-guide-talking-about-people/dp/B0CZXD4BT4

You can find this blog on my website:
https://www.thehospiceheart.net/post/heightened-awareness-when-someone-is-near-death

01/01/2025

Happy New Year from all of us at House of John! We are thankful for all of the ways that our community supported us in 2024 so we could continue to help those who needed end-of-life care, as well as their families.💙

12/04/2024

11/16/2024

For the last 31 years, more than 800 residents have called House of John their home. We are here because of how our generous community supports us each year. Everyone deserves to be surrounded by kindness and love at the end of their life, and we are blessed to keep our hearts and home open to our neighbors in need.

To partner with us as we continue the important work we do, visit www.houseofjohn.org/annualappeal.

10/16/2024

We are adding a per diem caregiver to our overnight team! The ideal candidate will be responsible, compassionate, flexible and adaptable in an environment that can change moment-to-moment. He or she will also be a team player who is able to interact with staff, volunteers, residents and their families. Must be able to prioritize tasks and problem solve. Previous experience in a health care setting, strong communication skills and experience with end-of-life care is a plus. For more information and a job application, email us at house@houseofjohn.org.

09/27/2024

We are so excited for our annual Winemakers Dinner at Warfield's Clifton Springs coming up on October 26! It is going to be a spectacular night of wine and food pairings as we celebrate the year we've had at House of John. We still have tickets available for $125 per person, so RSVP before they are sold out! To get yours, call 315-462-5646.