07/21/2025
Where does change most want to happen?
Usually, it’s where we resist it most.
I’ll give you just a small example of a much, much larger concept.
If you were to enter my home, you’d (usually) find a pretty-well-put-together house that seems orderly at first glance. Cute, even!
But just a few months ago, if you were to crack the door to our guest bedroom, you’d find what my family lovingly referred to as “the pit of despair” – basically a catch-all space for anything and everything that didn’t have a home: outgrown baby gear, clothes destined for the donation bin, broken furniture, rogue kitchen utensils (courtesy of my toddler). You name it, you’d probably find it there.
For the longest time, every time I’d clean my house, I’d pass the guest room and promptly slam the door. It didn’t matter if I was doing a surface level tidy or a deep clean, there was nothing, NOTHING, that could bring me to start decluttering that space.
Until, of course. Something did.
Toward the end of my last pregnancy, my husband and I realized that our plan to shove a crib in our older son’s bedroom (which doesn’t even qualify as a bedroom by real estate standards) was probably not an adequate baby care solution.
And so, driven by sheer necessity and a ticking clock, I opened the door and just. started.
Martha Beck teaches a coaching exercise called “The Living Space” where you’re asked to consider how your physical space mirrors your own inner world.
It made perfect sense to me: my home looks put together on the outside, but once you start peeking in drawers or closets or closed-off bedrooms, you start to see it carrying WAY too much.
As I purged the bedroom, plenty of emotion came up. Shame for letting it get like this. Guilt for ruining perfectly-good possessions by just throwing them wherever. WTF-is-wrong with me repeated itself in my head more than a couple of times.
But over the course of a couple of days, the job of clearing the room got done, and in place of the college-days furniture that lived there before, my husband and I built the most beautiful, functional nursery for our new little boy.
And you know what? When I’m home, I spend most of my day in there now - just because I like it.
Change wants to happen in the places we resist it most: yes, probably in our homes, but also in our minds and certainly in our bodies.
We played with this idea in Blackbird Thread last week - noticing where, in the spine, movement happens easily, and where we resist and hold. We practiced backbending in the sticky spot – the one that doesn’t want to change, but changes everything when it shifts.
I asked the class to take inventory of their patterns: what comes easily and what requires a little work? Where were they slamming the proverbial door shut out of avoidance or habit? What would it feel like to place more attention in the stuck places, and less where things come easily?
At first?
Uncomfortable.
Confronting.
Unnecessary.
And then…
Interesting?
New?
Clear?
Effective?
….Better?
This is the work of a real yoga practice. Not just moving the body, but using the body as a vehicle for change. Questioning why we do the things we do and bravely disrupting whatever isn’t working.
Svadhyaya or self-study – coming face to face with our patterns, habits, demons, and locked guest rooms — is far more difficult than nailing a handstand. I know, because I’ve done both.
But once you’re ready to go there, you might just realize you have the power to change everything.
Nicole
PS – This week in Blackbird Thread, we’re continuing our practice of svadhyaya and uprooting old patterns through the mirror of the spine. We’ll keep practicing backbends while diving headfirst into the dark places. This is a class for serious students of yoga, committed to building week by week. I’d love to have you there.