Synergy Coaching and Consulting

09/26/2025

There are no “have to’s” when it comes to confronting our abusers.

Some survivors reading this can confront their abusers relatively safely.

Some can’t.

Some survivors reading this might experience catharsis and healing after confronting their abusers.

Some won’t.

Nobody gets to tell you you “should” or “shouldn’t” confront you abusers as part of your recovery.

I, personally, have never gotten much mileage out of even that idea. I want to leave them as far behind me as physically, mentally, and spiritually possible.

But I understand that other survivors might want, or even need, that attempt at “closure.”

Here’s what I can tell you: do not put your safety or stability at risk in order to confront anyone.

Do not take your safety— physical or emotional— for granted when deciding whether to confront anyone.

And do not assume or overestimate the benefit of confronting anyone.

We can never, ever, guarantee what anyone’s reaction will be to something we say or do— so we cannot make any part of our recovery contingent upon someone reacting a certain way to us confronting them.

If you feel the need to confront someone about how they treated you in the past, be clear with yourself that the benefit of doing it will be in you having asserted and expressed yourself— not in their reaction.

Do not go in expecting an apology or acknowledgment. If you get it, great.

But know that abusers and bullies are notoriously adept at making even “apologies” into opportunities for you to feel like garbage.

Confronting anyone or anything from our past always puts us at risk of emotional flashback, and if we’re going to go around doing that kind of thing we need tools and strategies for managing that risk.

But also: remember that there is no shame in wanting or needing what you want or need on this recovery journey.

No one gets to tell you you “shouldn’t” want or try to confront your abusers.

Just make that decision like we make all decisions in trauma recovery: intelligently, realistically, and with respect for our recovery blueprint.

~ Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle

09/26/2025

Because complex trauma is, well, complex, doesn’t mean it’s hopeless.

Recovery from trauma, both “classic” PTSD and CPTSD, always revolves around a finite number of straightforward principles, most of which have to do with how we relate to ourselves.

Of course, how we relate to ourselves isn’t the entirety of CPTSD recovery— but in my experience, it’s the bedrock.

It can be easy to get irritated and overwhelmed by how, you know, complex complex trauma is.

Some survivors can get it in our heads that we can’t possibly recover from CPTSD, because there’s just so much to understand, so many levels to it— that it’s just too complex to get our head around.

It’s true that comprehensively understanding something like CPTSD could take years. Decades, even. We don’t even know what we don’t know about CPTSD yet— and let’s not forget that CPTSD still isn’t recognized as its own diagnosis in the DSM.

But we don’t need to understand everything about CPTSD in order to begin our recovery today.

We need to know the basics: complex trauma is trauma that unfolded over time; that was functionally inescapable; and that entwined with our important relationships, past and present.

We need to know that the most common triggers for CPTSD reactions tend to be feeling controlled; feeling trapped, and feeling “in trouble.”

And we need to know that the basic tools for combatting CPTSD reactions are specific types of self-talk, mental focus, and physiology, especially breathing— EVERY effective coping or processing tool for CPTSD involves some combination of these.

We need to know that the backbone of CPTSD is refusing to shame, abandon, or punish ourselves for being human or having needs.

We need to know that Trauma Brain, the internalized voices of our abusers and bullies, is a prosecutor, trying to build a case against our right to live and thrive— and, like most prosecutors, Trauma Brain is not above “massaging” certain facts and omitting others in order to make its case more persuasive.

There can be a lot more to CPTSD recovery, but those are the bare bones basics. CPTSD recovery is not simple or easy or obvious— but it’s built on these facts and understanding.

Yes, CPTSD is complex. Yes, it can be overwhelming. Yes, it is misunderstood and maligned in our culture.

And yes, we can meaningfully recover, one day at a time.

~ Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle

09/24/2025

Maybe think before you choose sides without knowing the true story. You might be surprised about how sneaky some people are. Causing trouble and then playing the victim. This behavior is a classic tactic used by manipulators to gain sympathy and control. By presenting themselves as the victim, they can shift the focus away from their own misbehavior and onto the perceived wrongdoing of others.

When we jump to conclusions or take sides without knowing the full story, we can inadvertently enable this kind of manipulation. We may find ourselves defending or excusing the manipulator's behavior, while condemning the actual victim. This can lead to further conflict, hurt feelings, and damaged relationships.

It's essential to approach situations with a critical and nuanced perspective, gathering information from multiple sources before making judgments. By doing so, we can avoid getting caught up in the manipulator's web of deceit and instead support those who are genuinely in need.

When dealing with individuals who play the victim, it's crucial to look beyond their words and examine their actions. Do their actions align with their words, or are they consistently causing harm while pretending to be innocent? By paying attention to these inconsistencies, we can better understand the situation and make informed decisions about how to respond.

Ultimately, it's up to each of us to think critically and not rush to judgment. By taking the time to understand the complexities of a situation, we can avoid enabling manipulation and instead promote truth, empathy, and understanding.

09/24/2025

"Everyone has their own way of giving up:
Some stop dressing well, lose desires, drop out of school, neglet their posture, or listen to s*d music. Some stop taking photos or believing in love. Many die at 25 but are burried at 70."

09/24/2025

I get it. We want to help.
The intentions are good.

We see someone struggling and we want to get them from A to B faster.
We want to see them back on their feet; we want to help them believe in their inherent goodness and ability to thrive.

And the best way to do this is to take a step back and stop intervening in their process.
The best way to help them is to trust that they actually do have the capability to navigate their own healing process, and that only they actually, truly know the way and the path forward.

We can mirror, we can love, we can ask (nonjudgmental) questions, and we can listen.
But the best way to support someone is to allow them to be a separate autonomous being and to treat them with the same respect you'd treat someone who you do think has their s**t together.
To send the message that you see them as an equal.

Which means holding boundaries.
Being honest about your limits.
Letting go of attachment to outcome.
And trusting them to come around on their timeline, not yours.

This'll often bring up a lot of your s**t - and give you plenty to navigate in your own arena :)

This is a topic we'll touch on in the Relationship Management Workshop beginning October 23rd. If you're looking for more support in discerning what's yours and what's not, and would like to learn in a small group of likeminded others, I highly recommend you join us.
We will sell out - this is the last workshop I'll be teaching in 2025! And the 4pm is already starting to fill.
https://theeqschool.co/relationship-management-workshop

09/24/2025

09/24/2025

Getting your joy back hits different when you had to fight for every piece of it. ✨💚🙏🏽

09/24/2025

09/24/2025

09/24/2025

That part 🎯

09/24/2025

Sometimes the hardest
part isn’t what’s said…
it’s being misunderstood.✨