09/05/2025
✨ Hopelessness is one of the hardest feelings that comes with trying to conceive.
For me, it often creeps in at night when fears feel the loudest. Even though I hold the deep knowing in my heart that my rainbow baby will come, I still wrestle with that hopelessness. And when I do conceive, the hopelessness often shifts into worry—worry that I may once again lose another pregnancy. It makes it hard to fully enjoy the journey.
Earlier this year, a Nurse Practitioner told me I was “going into perimenopause.” No tests, no looking at my chart—just those words, spoken without thought. I remember feeling stunned. I never thought of myself as “getting old.” But after that moment, I started hearing it everywhere—clients saying “I’m too old,” or women sharing their fears about starting again at 40.
And I realized how common this is. So many of us are told we’re “too old,” when really, our bodies may just need more care, compassion, and support. No wonder hopelessness shows up so often on this path.
💜 If you’ve ever felt this—please know you are not alone. Our stories may look different, but the feelings are deeply shared.
The first photo was taken after my earliest losses, when I felt so disconnected from and negative about my body. You can even see the hormonal belly left from the pregnancy just before that photoshoot. The second photo came later, when I had started to heal—it was empowering, and I felt confident again. Since then, I’ve endured four more losses, and my healing path has shifted in ways I could never have imagined.
Yet even through all of this, I continue to hold onto hope. Healing is not a straight line, but every step has brought me closer to trusting my body, my spirit, and the possibility of new life. 🌈✨