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AbilityWise Mental Wellness, Colorado, CO (2025)

03/14/2022

These are the famous words penned in 1873 by a grief-stricken father after tragically losing all of his children. He captured the grief experience beautifully - as a tempestuous sea with billowing waves that can, at times, consume us. And it is in those times that we must feel our feelings, and at the same time, allow Peace to “attend our way” - to walk alongside us, ever at the ready, so that, in time, it may be well with our souls.

Be well 🌱

03/13/2022

It may sound like a silly question, but I’m actually serious. What’s your jam? Your gift? It can be anything. Me, I make a really great grilled PBJ… just the right ratio of peanut butter to jelly, grilled to crispy brown perfection…yummy! 🤤

I also have always had the God-given gift of empathy, which is obviously why I’m in this profession. Being able to identify your strengths - including your superpowers - is an important part of mental wellness. When you’re good at something, it’s not bragging to claim it!

Be well 🌱

03/11/2022

I have noticed a trend toward treating little children as though they have fully formed adult brains, and I find it very concerning! Children are born with very incomplete brains that aren’t “fully baked” until well into their 20s! Cognitive capacities take time to develop, and it is the responsibility of parents (primarily) and others in a child’s increasing sphere of influence to guide the development of such complex tasks as

• reasoning
• decision making
• empathy
• social and civic responsibility

I’ll spend the next several posts expanding on this notion, integrating brain and developmental science with practical pointers.

Be well 🌱

03/11/2022

Accepting help: it sounds simple, but it’s so hard to do!

I have a small solo practice, and when I got to work today, I was carrying in a few items and managing Waldo, my dog/co-therapist, and I dropped my travel mug as I was trying to open my office door. It made a loud “bang” as it hit the floor and water spewed everywhere. Immediately, several building-mates came to my rescue. The dietitian across the hall helped me get things into my office and offered to watch Waldo while I cleaned up. The building manager brought me a mop and bucket. The hair dresser down the hall picked up ice cubes. They were all very cheerful and reassuring, and it was cleaned up in a matter of minutes. My initial instinct had been to refuse help - it was MY mess and I didn’t want to interfere with their day - but I chose to let them help me, and I expressed my sincere gratitude for their kindness. I could have dwelled on feeling mortified and burdensome, but I chose . I hope you will, as well.

Be well 🌱

03/10/2022

It is SO tempting to want to make our narcissistic loved one see the truth! We think that if we just figure out the right way to explain , it will magically land, and things will be better. And that would be true, if we were dealing with someone grounded in reality. But narcissism distorts reality, sometimes drastically, which means that we could make things plain as day, have all the supporting evidence laid out, and we’ll still be “wrong” (or stupid, or selfish, or crazy…). Additionally, whatever we say may later be weaponized and turned on us, leaving us reeling.

So, as incredibly hard as it is, silence is one of the best ways to start to take back our power, maintain our sanity, and ultimately liberate us.

Be well 🌱

03/09/2022

Most disciplines have fundamental truths that require no explanation or proof because they’re self-evident. In geometry, there are a set of “Givens” - mathematical facts that are so indisputably and obviously true that they require no proof and, therefore, can serve as a starting point for proofs for more complex geometric problems.

Our nation’s founders identified a set of human rights that they believed to be so fundamental to our very existence that they called them “inalienable rights,” saying we all have the right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

In psychology, this is our given, our self-evident truth: YOU ARE WORTH IT! You…yes you…the person to whom I am speaking. You are completely, 100% worth it. You have intrinsic, precious value, and you are worth my time, attention, effort, and caring. Trust this truth.

Be well 🌱

03/08/2022

“Factification” is my own term for the very common tendency to turn subjective content into objective fact. This flawed habit is more rampant than ever in our social climate today, and it is very relationally destructive. The truth is that there are very few things that we can truly identify as irrefutable fact. On the vast majority of topics, reasonable people may differ.

It’s tough, though, because in order to have a well-formed opinion, you have to research and think through an issue and come to a conclusion that you believe is right! Our problem is that we focus too much on the “right” part, and not enough on the “believe” part.

This is a habit that is much easier to spot in others than in ourselves, so becomes crucial in overcoming this problem. It may be as subtle as needing to replace “is” with “seems,” so, “That guy is really out of it!” becomes, “That guy seems really out of it,” leaving space for others to have different experiences of “that guy.” Any time you use a being word (is, am, are, was, were) without a qualifier, you’re stating something as a fact. Try to catch yourself, and add “to me,” or “I think,” or anything that acknowledges the subjective nature of your statement. Then notice how it makes conversation flow and relationships evolve.

Be well 🌱

03/07/2022

Treat every day like a gift, a blessing. Find beauty and joy, and let them feed your soul.

Be well 🌱

03/06/2022

Abuse of any kind activates survival instincts. People in abusive relationships learn ways to manage their abuser’s behavior, and this may involve compromising their own integrity for the sake of physical and psychological survival. Lying, hiding money, acquiescing to s*xual advances/demands, agreeing in order to keep the peace, defending/apologizing for/excusing/rationalizing their partner’s behavior, and so many more acts we would never dream of doing in a healthy relationship become second nature in an abusive one. This is Self Preservation. It is not something to be ashamed of or worry about. And it certainly doesn’t define you.

Be well 🌱

03/05/2022

Parenting is the most important job anyone can ever have, and yet, there is no job description, no interview, no performance review, and no required training or education. It can be like being in thrown into the deep end without your floaties…so I’d like to offer some floaties. Follow and I’ll offer advice and insights.

Today, be aware that a parent’s primary (arguably their ONLY) job responsibility is to produce fully functional adults. You may want to argue that our job is to love them, but I contend that loving them is a given - a precondition to taking the job of parent. Now, I’m not naïve - I know that doesn’t always happen - but let’s start there, and deal with the exceptions in other posts. Parents are commissioned to generate, shape, mold, and do everything in their power to bring forth the next generation of functioning, thinking, interrelating human beings. Holding this concept as a “True North” fosters for productive and thoughtful future generations.

Be well 🌱

03/04/2022

For this, I am eternally grateful!

It’s not that I would ever choose to have something bad happen to me, or make a poor decision, or screw up; it’s that none of us are perfect, nor do we get to have a perfect life, so when these things do, inevitably, happen, a vital part of healing and moving through the pain, regret, and grief to the other side is finding ways to learn from it and allow it to catalyze growth in a way that might not have otherwise been possible.

Be well 🌱

03/03/2022

Depression is a serious condition. Unfortunately, it is often met with blithe aphorisms, like:

“You just need to suck it up.”

“Happiness is a choice.”

“See, this is the problem with your generation…”

Would anyone respond that way if someone were diagnosed with diabetes or high blood pressure? Of course not! But Depression is similar to these conditions in that they’re physiologically-based conditions that are affected by situational and emotional factors, but are manageable with professional help.

We make the mistake of thinking we can relate to issues faced by someone with Clinical Depression because we’ve felt “depressed” and pulled ourselves out of it, but that is no more similar than having experienced high blood pressure while awaiting the EPT results, or high blood sugar after Thanksgiving dinner.

If someone you know has Depression, take some time to learn about this condition, and listen to your friend/loved one to learn about how it shows up in their life.

Be well 🌱

01/18/2022

Does this sound familiar?

You fail your first quiz in a class and think, “I suck at college!”

You forget someone’s name whom you just met, and you think, “I have the worst memory ever!” AND “They must think I’m the biggest idiot!”

You get held up by a train on your way to an interview, and you grumble, “Nothing ever goes my way!”

Like all of the other thought habits, everyone engages in overgeneralization on occasion. However, if this type of thinking has become a pattern for you, it can become very problematic. People with Depression, low self-esteem, and trouble with emotional regulation are particularly susceptible to this type of thinking. As with the any flawed thought habit, being of your thought patterns is your greatest defense against them. Pay attention to any thoughts that use absolutes, such as “ALWAYS,” “NEVER,” and”NOTHING,” and remember that most things in life don’t come in absolutes. Put isolated event in perspective, and repeat after me:

“This is a thing that happened today, in this moment; it does not define me, my life is not ruined, and I am not cursed.

Be well 🌱

01/17/2022

Be intentional about EVERY relationship in your life…including your relationship with God. A relationship requires time and effort to grow, and like this seedling, it will never stop growing as long as you continue to nurture it.

Be well 🌱

01/11/2022

“I should’ve known!”
“You should’ve seen it coming!”
“They could’ve prevented that!”

We all fall victim to this faulty thought habit from time to time. It comes from not being able to separate what we know now from the information that was available at the time.

There are other factors at play, too, such as wanting to believe we have more control over outcomes than we actually do - especially when those outcomes have been negative.

We seem to apply this bias equally to ourselves and to others, and to events of both small and huge consequence:

“My Uber driver should’ve known to take an alternate route at this time of day”

“I should’ve picked up on all the signs that he was bad news”

“The authorities (or parents or mental health professionals or…) should’ve been able to prevent that school shooting”

The reality is that, in general, we all do the best we can with the information that is available to us at any given time. So, when you catch yourself saying “I (or They) should’ve known,” pause to consider the possibility that you are engaging in and try to let it go. Instead, focus on learning from the experience and moving forward, perhaps with the help of a professional in some of the more painful situations.

Be well 🌱

11/13/2021

Intimacy is multidimensional. Each dimension needs to be nurtured with intention. This may not be a comprehensive list of the various aspects of intimacy, but it’s a good start:

PHYSICAL
This includes s*x, yes, but it’s far more than that. Do you touch each other in ways that make you feel pleasure? Feel seen and heard? Feel comforted? Feel admired? Feel grounded? Feel loved? Challenge yourself to communicate these messages to each other through touch and watch your relationship heat up.

EMOTIONAL
How often do you share your emotional experiences with your partner? How safe do you feel being vulnerable in their presence? How attuned are you to each other’s emotional “tells”? How well do you validate your partner’s emotions? Consider where you can challenge yourselves to make changes, and watch you relationship deepen. Note: if feeling safe is an issue, please seek help!

INTELLECTUAL
Do you learn from each other? Are you able to discuss each other’s areas of interest? How do you handle topics on which you have differing opinions? Are there topics that are “off limits”? Why? Challenge yourselves to engage in topical discussions and learn from each other, and watch your relationship expand. Note: Problems in this aspect of intimacy often have more to do with how the couple does conflict and may benefit from couples therapy.

SHARED ACTIVITIES
What activities do you both enjoy? How intentional are you about taking an interest in things your partner enjoys? And vice versa? It’s important to have your own things, too, but “I love doing things that you love doing” is a great way to show your love!

SPIRITUAL
This area includes faith, beliefs, values, and everything related to existence. How much do you share with each other? How do you handle adversity as a couple? How do you cultivate spiritual growth together? How do you handle differences in this area? Challenge yourself to be more intentional in this area and watch your relationship flourish!

Be well 🌱

11/09/2021

In this installment of the series, we tackle one of the hallmarks of anxiety: catastrophizing (also know as “awfulizing”).

This starts with our brain’s tendency to fill in the blanks: any aspect of any situation that we don’t have complete information on, we fill in the blanks with our own narrative to complete the picture. For a variety of reasons, some people default to the worst possible outcome:

• My headaches are getting worse…I just know it’s a tumor and it’s inoperable and I’m going to die!

• My boss said she wants to talk to me…she probably thinks I’m terrible at my job and she’s going to fire me!

• My girlfriend was supposed to meet me here 20 minutes ago…she’s met someone else and is blowing me off and I’m never going to find my person!

When people really get spun up in their web of catastrophe, it can be utterly paralyzing. This is especially true for survivors of trauma - when the worst case scenario actually happened. It becomes incredibly hard to trust that the world can be a safe place.

Therapy helps with healing, reconstructing that sense of safety, noticing when thoughts are heading down that catastrophic path, and remembering that there are infinite other possible scenarios that are far more probable than the worst case.

Be well 🌱

10/28/2021

What connotation does “good enough” carry for you? Is it settling for less? Letting yourself off the hook? Giving up? Acknowledging your humanness?

Your answer to that question may out you as a perfectionist. Perfectionism is antithetical to mental health. It creates anxiety, feeds depression, fuels procrastination, and crushes hope. Among other things.

Perfection is an ideal - a fantasy whose only real-world function is to motivate mere mortals to keep striving to improve. A lucky few may catch a glimpse of the elusive “perfect” event: pitching a perfect game; getting a perfect SAT score; performing a flawless concerto; acing the Bar Exam. But these accomplishments are fleeting and only achieved by a minuscule percentage of the population. More importantly, they do not define these individuals as “perfect” people (no more than failing at something defines anyone as “a failure”).

Now consider more complex and enduring tasks, like parenting or teaching or “adulting.” In these types of life activities, there’s no such thing as perfect. Mistakes and mishaps are par for the course. Good enough is as good as it gets!

There’s an old expression: “Shoot for the stars; you might just hit the moon.” My friends, hitting the moon is pretty damn good! Let yourself off the hook…you’re human just like the rest of us!

Be well 🌱

AbilityWise Mental Wellness

03/14/2022

03/13/2022

03/11/2022

03/11/2022

03/10/2022

03/09/2022

03/08/2022

03/07/2022

03/06/2022

03/05/2022

03/04/2022

03/03/2022

01/18/2022

01/17/2022

01/11/2022

11/13/2021

11/09/2021

10/28/2021

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Monday	10am - 7pm
Tuesday	10am - 7pm
Wednesday	10am - 6pm
Thursday	10am - 7pm
Friday	10am - 5pm