10/28/2024
Let Life take care of you.This can be tough to swallow. For me,I’m the queen of control.Not in a rigid way but more,I’ve got my s**t together,I’ve got my own back.There’s a subtle distrust that something will fall apart if I don’t manage the details.
The gifts I’ve gotten from the many deaths I’ve encountered (I swear I don’t know what I was writing into my life script before I incarnated.“Let’s have your important people die in 10 years and see how you manage this.”) and the recent breakup of my boyfriend is surrender. I don’t get to control.I can’t stop this.I can exhaust myself thinking and trying or I can just lay down, let go and surrender.
Can I trust that there’s a divine plan?That there’s a current taking me to a good place?I can be stubborn and rational and tell you,“No.”I can also tell you in the decades I’ve been alive,well, yes. I’ve had a lot of magic, miracles & synchronicity, meaning life isn’t just meaningless; there’s some divine pattern in place.
I’m sitting in the Void right now. Sometimes I feel energized,sometimes, I’m terrified.Maybe you know exactly what I’m talking about.The only option I have in feeling so tender right now,is to open.Can I trust?Can I let others take care of me? I’m finding that Life loves me in small and big ways.
I had to pack my ex’s house today,and as grateful and peaceful as I felt the other day, today I was sobbing and snotting and feeling like he just walked out yesterday.I was pi**ed off by my feelings. I also could hold the complexity of loss, love, bewilderment,longing,attachment, anger, and all the other layers together in one multitextured song.We are Music constantly changing notes after all.
When I hit the place that feels like an end, there IS relief.I open my hands.There’s nothing I can do anymore.I let go.That’s the magic.That’s the peace.That’s the essential gesture to let Life come in with her Huge Loving Grace and take care of you.I work with people who never were properly nurtured.We wire this in NOW. Life’s a big Mama,all she wants to do is love all of us up. And as I sit here with my snot nose tear-stained cheeks,I’m gonna let her in. Will you?This is the biggest power of all. To let Love in.