Ninja Pants Press

11/01/2018

People are LOVING this book:
Just released today--

My Facebook Disgracebook Season One
(Available on Amazon.com)

I asked a friend to review a proof copy right a couple weeks ago--before I published it. And she told me:

"After talking to you in person, the book doesn't seem so bad."

So, that's just ONE example of the overwhelming response this book has received.

Life is funny... But only if you see the humor in it.No one thinks like Bob Matthews. No one wants to. But, for some time now, many loyal Facebook readers have been delightfully entertained by his particular brand of truth-based idiocy for the same reason that people just can't seem to look away ...

10/31/2018

My Facebook Disgracebook Season One: Waiting for the Dementia

AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.COM
NOVEMBER 1, 2018
(Hint: search for "disgracebook")

DISCLAIMER
Consult your physician before reading this book to ensure that excessive laughter and chortling will not kill you. Ninja Pants Press assumes no liability in the event of death, dismemberment or disability due to extreme laughing, snorting, snickering, giggling, howling, hooting, guffawing, whooping, and/or... tittering.

Bob Matthews, on the other hand, will be PROUD as Hell.

Follow Bob Matthews and explore their bibliography from Amazon.com's Bob Matthews Author Page.

10/19/2018

HERE'S HOW TO DO PUMPKIN SPICE RIGHT

That's Right! Pumpkin Spice Time is here again and nothing goes better with pumpkin spice than a copy of my new book, MY FACEBOOK DISGRACEBOOK: Season One.
(AVAILABLE ON AMAZON NOVEMBER 1, 2018)
Let me tell you how I do it.

1. Brew up a nice, steamy, hot cup of pumpkin spice coffee or tea.
2. Get out your one of your MANY copies of Facebook Disgracebook.
3. Find a comfy seat where you can be happy and content sitting for HOURS.
4. Mix up a nice frosty vodka and tonic. (Fresh limes would make this EVEN better.)
5. Pour the pumpkin spice down the drain.
6. Read the book... or not.
7. Repeat step three as required.

Happy Pumpkin Spice Season!

09/04/2018

OH MY FREAKIN GAWD!
ONLY 27 DAYS UNTIL OCTOBER 1st!
I'M SHAKIN IN MY BUTTS!

That's right! THAT'S when I said I was going to publish MY FACEBOOK DISGRACEBOOK: SEASON ONE.

Just so you know: I've been working on it. I'm PROBABLY exactly close to being right on schedule. And I'm doing EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to make that happen--come HELL or high windage!

But not today. Maybe tomorrow. Ya. Probably tomorrow. Oh WAIT. I've got a THING tomorrow. So... NOT tomorrow. Maybe Friday. Unless the Superbowl is on--because I DEFINITELY want to watch THAT.

Wait...

What month is it today?

08/21/2018

ONLY 40+1 DAYS UNTIL OCTOVER FIRBST!

What if you said stupid stuff for a WHOLE YEAR and then WROTE IT DOWN? And THEN, when that year was up, you felt AMBITIOUS and said EVEN MORE stupid stuff. And, BECAUSE you were such an eager bovine, you wrote THAT down too. And then you took ALL the stupid stuff you had said for MORE THAN A YEAR and... COLLECTED IT IN A BOOK! Wouldn't THAT be a hoot?!!

And THEN you begin to think to yourself, what kind of an IDIOT would think something like THAT could possibly be marketable?!!

Welcome to Bob's WoRld!

MY FACEBOOK DISGRACEBOOK: SEASON ONE
COMING SOON TO A BOOKSTORE IN YOUR COMPUTER.

08/17/2018

ONLY 45 DAYS UNTIL OCTOVER FIRBST! HERE'S YOUR CHANCE!!!

Okay. Some people (None of YOU people--someone from Bob's WoRld) have accused me of being SELF-INDULGENT because I'm writing this FACEBOOK DISGRACEBOOK: SEASON ONE thing. "They" say I'm doing it just for the FUN and the ENJOYMENT and the OPPORTUNITY to have a CREATIVE-YET-ANNOYING OUTLET and to STROKE MY OWN EGO. And I confess, there's "MUCHO TRUTHO" to this allegation. I AM writing this book muchly JUST FOR ME. I know it's NOT going to make me rich and famous, and that's OKAY, because I'm already BOTH of those (Okay. Maybe only in Bob's WoRld).

Alright, so here's the REAL 411 on my book-writing motives: I'm writing this because, in the end, I'll have this THING--this THING to HOLD IN MY HAND. A collection of an ENTIRE YEAR of my aberrant thoughts! A WHOLE YEAR'S WORTH of STUFF--that I PERSONALLY created! It will be my LEGACY. And I'll be able to hold it and hug it and squeeze it and pet it and rub it. I will stroke its cover and rub its pretty feathers and I will name it "George"...

But THINK OF IT. Being able to hold something like THAT in your hands! Your most intimate (and intimidating) THOUGHTS (such as they are). Things that you CREATED! Something that (as long as no one actually READS the contents) you can be PROUD of. THINK of the magnificent feelings! Doesn't it just give you BOOSE GUMPS!?? And YOU can live these feelings too--through me! THAT'S RIGHT!

THIS IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO BE VICARIOUSLY SELF-INDULGENT!

Facebook Disgracebook: Season One--AVAILABLE in 45 days. DON'T let this chance slither through your digits!

08/05/2018

ONLY 57 DAYS UNTIL OCTOVER FIRBST!

Working on the First Draft of Facebook Disgracebook: Season 1 today and...

RAISE MY RENT AND CALL ME "GERTY"...

I JUST PASSED 50,000 words!

(Be afraid, be VERY afraid.)

08/03/2018

ONLY 59 DAYS UNTIL OCTOVER FIRBST!

As I sit here editing Season One of my Facebook Disgracebook, and rediscovering pieces that I have written over the past year, the thought came to me that:

If I were someone ELSE who was NOT me...
I WOULD TOTALLY BUY THIS BOOK!!!

(If ONLY it existed.)

Whose responsibility is THAT? I wonder.

07/26/2018

ONLY 67 DAYS UNTIL OCTOVER FIRBST!

YES! The long-abated publication of

Bob Matthews's MY FACEBOOK DISGRACE BOOK

is only sixty-seven days away! And I've been working FAST and FURVEROUSLY on it--editing away! Here's just ONE example:

ORIGINAL:

If your only tool is a hammer, then every problem looks like a thumb.

EDITATED:

If your only tool is a hammer…

Then every problem looks like a thumb.

Notice how the skillful and judicious use of the dot-dot-dot punctuatory thingy adds suspense, anticipation and drama to the heretobefore, nearly-already-perfect gestalt?

(Also, periods are REALLY easy for me to type.)

So start saving up now, because my goal is to get REALLY, REALLY rich off of my friends.

(And strangers.)

07/22/2018

ONLY 71 DAYS UNTIL OCTOVER FIRBST!

MY FACEBOOK DISGRACEBOOK by Bob Matthews...
I"M WORKING ON IT!

The anticipation is absolutely KILLING ME!!!

I'm certain the book will do the same for you.

07/12/2018

ONLY 81 DAYS UNTIL OCTOVER FIRBST!

BOB MATTHEWS: Why did the bo**er cross the road?
YOU: I don't know. Why DID the bo**er cross the road?
BOB MATTHEWS: Who nose? He snot sure.

Bahahahahahaha!!! He SNOT sure! GET IT?!! Bahahaha! Who nose!!! Who NOSE!!! WHO... NOSE!!!! BAHAHAHAHA!!!

If you think THAT was brilliant... just wait until My Facebook Disgracebook comes out on Octover Firbst!

Okay... Here's the amazing thing. I just MADE UP that bo**er joke. Just now. I made it up.

In actuality, that one snot in the book... Bahahaha! SNOT IN THE BOOK!!!! BAHAHAHA! SNOT... in the book!!! IT SNOT!!!

OMG!!!! I just made coffee shoot out my NOSE!!!! BAHAHAHahahaha...

06/30/2018

93 DAYS TO GO UNTIL PUBLICATION!

OH MY GAWD!

Do you know what is the HARDEST part of actually writing a book (but just mite be my specialty)?

The proofreeding.