Calli Tony, Connellsville, PA (2025)

06/19/2025

Finding beauty in the smallest of moments lately. 🌹

I have had a fair amount of downs lately and I finally feel like I’m coming out the other side.

I am sharing that to share it’s ok to be anywhere you are. Please stop judging yourself when you are truly doing the best you can in each moment.

I have an incredibly hard time forgiving myself for the down moments. I’m very hard on myself and feel I should be further along, kind of like how I felt at the beginning of my grief journey.

I am learning it’s all very non-linear. Healing in general that is. Whether it’s healing on the grieving journey or healing on the life journey. ❤️‍🩹

I hope today you are kind and loving to yourself. Even if today you only breathe. I’m really proud of you. Even if today you made mistakes. It’s ok. Tomorrow or even the next moment can be better.

If you feel hopeless, please remember a single second can change everything. And always know, you are not alone. 💕

❤️

06/12/2025

Oh daddy, how I miss you. How I wish you were here. To hug. To laugh with. To love with. You are so deeply cared for and appreciated in energetic form just as you were here in physical form.

As some of us begin to celebrate our father’s lives and loves. I want to honor that. I am so grateful you have that presence in your life.

And as some of us grieve our fathers, I want to say I also honor you. I love you. I see you. And I hold you, exactly where you are.

My dad was firm but gentle. Stern but soft. Honestly a big teddy bear. 🧸 He had a big voice and an even bigger presence.

I won’t pretend all times were amazing. Because as in any relationship there are struggles. And also he was the only dad I could have ever imagined for my life.

It took me time to see this though. To see how lucky I was and still am to this day. I shared earlier how he adopted me. When I was 6. But I honestly never remember life without him.

My dad didn’t have to love us. Or even accept us. But he chose to. All of us. My mom, my sister and me. And then our two girls. He was so proud of all of us. I believe he still is.

Grief hasn’t brought my family closer as a whole. It’s honestly made the dynamic a little more difficult. There is a pain there that I don’t know will ever subside.

I often times feel people don’t want to talk to me in fear of me bringing up my father. I truthfully don’t know if this is true. Maybe I should ask. But it’s how I feel in this moment.

At first it was different. Everyone was there. Everyone cared. Everyone shared in the grief with me. And at times now, I feel so alone. I feel like I’m the only one continuing to grieve him.

Again, I don’t know if this is true. And I don’t think it is. But my mind goes there, as it is now.

That is why I host a community of people who are also on a grieving journey. Who are anywhere in the process of grief. And who need and more so want support. Because I know I do.

Tonight I’m guiding a call for all of us. It’s live on zoom and there will be a recording provided tomorrow. It’s at 7PM EST. Please come if you feel called to be together in this.

DM me for the zoom link 💕🕊️

06/10/2025

At first when I started to share about my grief, I felt like people wouldn’t understand. Or they would think I was grieving too loudly or too long. And then I realized something.

It is my journey to make my own and the people that don’t understand it, don’t need to come along for the ride that is my healing journey.

And also…

It’s ok. It’s ok if they don’t grieve in the same way. Or live in the same way. It’s their journey too, to make their own.

So while I share about grief, A LOT, I also share about how I’m choosing to heal. How I’m choosing to grow. And how I’m choosing to evolve and embrace it all.

For me, at this point in my journey, there is truly no other way. And no, I don’t live in my grief. I don’t obsess over it. But I do feel it. And from that feeling it. I believe I am in some way healing it.

I will never claim to be healed in anyway. Especially from grief. I will carry it with me, always. And also, I can continually be working to grow in and around it.

This Thursday, ohhh I can’t believe it’s only 2 days away, I’ll be discussing the grieving journey I am on and how I choose to grow in and through it with anyone who feels called to join us. We will also hold space for one another to be exactly where we are, share about our journeys, and talk about our lost loved ones.

This call is open to anyone and everyone. If you’d like the direct link for the call this Thursday at 7PM, I invite you to comment COMMUNITY (doesn’t have to be caps), and I will dm you the zoom link!

I am with you on this journey. I am walking alongside you through it. We are not alone. 🩷

05/30/2025

I’m opening up the June 12th grief connection call inside the Grief Connection Community to ANYONE who feels like they might want support.

Come as you are.

Screen on or off.

Share or not.

It’s all your journey to make your own.

If you want to feel held on this journey, please join us.

Comment COMMUNITY and I’ll dm you the form to get the link 🩷

05/30/2025

It truly is the weirdest feeling I’ve ever experienced.

Grief that is.

A sense of emptiness in my heart for the time we lost. While simultaneously feeling gratitude for the time we had together.

And I and we don’t just lose them once. We lose them over and over again, with the subtle moments that remind us of them.

A smell, a sight, a feeling, a moment.

It’s the smallest things that remind me of him. And it’s in the smallest moments I feel him the most.

A few things I’ll do today to navigate the grief:

Be where I am and let myself feel all of the feelings.

I’ll go for a walk and feel the sunshine on my face and the warmth on my skin.

I’ll listen to his playlist I created in my phone of songs that remind me of him and bring a smile and sometimes tears to my face.

I’ll embrace the love we had and the love that lives on in and through us. Through all time and space.

Lastly, I am asking for a sign today. A sign to know he is with me.

Through it all I lean on my support system. Through it all I open up to those around me and all of you here. I found a community that lifts me up and I hope today you have that too.

If you feel as if you don’t yet or would like a little more support, I invite you to comment the word COMMUNITY (no it doesn’t have to be caps). I’ll DM you personally, a short form to fill out for a call we are having inside of Grief Connection Community on June 12th that I’m opening up to all of us on the grieving journey.

There is no commitment to join or hear a pitch about the program. It will simply be a time to be seen, held and safe on your journey. As well as creating meaningful connections and routines, if you feel called, to assist you on your grieving journey.

I love and see you, always. 💕🕊️

05/27/2025

When I found out my dad had died unexpectedly and tragically, I was surrounded by people who loved me. And also, I never felt more alone.

It was no one’s fault that I felt this way. Including me. I felt as if no one could understand truly how broken I was. And from that experience, this is what I realized.

No one can ever fully understand anyone else’s loss even if the circumstances are very similar. I won’t claim to understand your loss, but I will walk alongside you as you navigate the journey.

I have also learned grieving is the most non-linear process I’ve ever experienced. It’s a series of steps all around constantly and I am learning that it’s all ok.

Ok to be where I am. Ok to grow. Ok to live. Ok to be still. Ok to love. Ok to be angry. Ok to be sorrowful. Ok to grieve in whatever way I see fit.

I don’t believe in my experience this far, that the process gets easier. I believe I am finding out how incredibly resilient and strong I am. Which better enables me to carry the weight of the loss.

It’s unimaginable losing a loved one under any circumstance and at any age or point in your life and theirs.

May we all love one another in this space. May we all feel safe, seen and heard. May we all be able to share our lost loved ones memories. And may we all grieve as we wish.

I love you and I hold you high in that love, always. 💕

If you are craving more community, I invite you to comment that word, COMMUNITY and I will personally DM you with an intimate space I facilitate online for all of us anywhere on the journey.

05/20/2025

I remember the last time I saw my dad, it is etched in my mind as if it was always meant to be there. We hugged 3 times. Said 3 I love you’s. But the best part was when he looked at me and said nothing.

I was standing by the cooler, waiting for my daughter to pick out a treat. I glanced over at him and caught him looking at me with the greatest of smiles. I felt pride exude from his energy and presence. He knew his little girl was finally ok. She was good.

He died 5 days later.

I’ll never say everything happens for a reason when it comes to death and grief. And also, I believe I was meant to have that very specific moment with him before his untimely and unexpected passing.

It was the last time I saw him and I will forever be grateful for that moment and those memories.

And also, it hurts. The idea that I’ll never have another physical experience with him again. I get a pit in my stomach when I think about that fact.

I think for me, it’s ok to be in both. Because to me, it all means I loved and love. Hard and big.

That’s one of my most favorite moments with my dad. There are truly so many. But that one is the one I will hold closest to me. The moment I made him proud, simply by being me.

If you feel called, I’d love to hear a memory you are fond of with your lost loved one. Please share them in the comments. I know it can hurt, so please share at your own discretion and do what is best for you on the journey.

I have some resources through the link in my bio if you’d like to check them out. A free workshop and journal prompts for navigating grief along with a community that might be for you.

Check them out if you feel the pull or just comment COMMUNITY and I will personally DM you about the journey I’m taking and maybe we can take it together.

I personally don’t want to do this alone. 💕🕊️

05/19/2025

It’s my journey. To make my own. And I think once I understood that and as I continue to understand that even more, the noise of doubt and judgment does and will wash away.

I remember when we lost my cousin. I was so young and death was so unfamiliar to me. I feel like I kind of blacked out through the process and didn’t really feel anything. I was numb. I was old enough to understand. And I also didn’t want to because death scared me.

When my grandmother passed two days before we found out my daughter was going to be a girl, I was still very scared of death and the idea of it. I was also incredibly sad and also numbness still overcame me.

Then my uncle passed in January of 2024. I felt heart broken for my dad and for our family. And also I didn’t want to feel it. I didn’t want to know what loss truly felt like. It was terribly sad and also a sort of numbness overcame me again.

Then I got the call on March 9th of last year. I remember waking up to my mom’s voice and knowing someone close to me had died again. I asked if it was my other grandmother as she had been sick for sometime. My mom asked if I was sitting down.

I said it’s dad.

She said yes honey and I’m so sorry.

I won’t tell you how I reacted in this post as I don’t want to activate or trigger anyone even myself. But it was bad. And it was the first time I truly couldn’t numb the pain. I couldn’t ignore it. And I couldn’t bypass it.

Then when my grandmother did pass 6 months later I finally made peace with death. I was and still am grieving hard. But I got to speak with her intimately before her passing. And her words gave me a sense of reassurance that she and everyone else my family had lost was with us and also they were ok.

At the funeral, I sobbed. For her and for all of the loss my family has experienced. I cried for my dad, my uncle, my cousin, my grandmothers and every single person in my family that lost a loved one and was experiencing grief. I cried for myself.

I truly almost died in silence on my healing journey. That’s a story for another time. And since my dad’s passing, I began to heal and grieve out loud.

So while I feel as though at times ⬇️

Am I annoying. Or am I too much. I also know this.

It helps me in my process. And I want to feel everything now.

I went so long numbing and bypassing. And this is the first time, I feel everything. Yes it’s really hard. And also it feels way better than the alternative.

So I get scared to share too much about grief sometimes. And then times like now, I just don’t care what people think.

It makes me feel like I’m helping myself on this journey and I truly hope anything I say or post helps others. Even in the smallest of ways.

I could talk for days about grief. And I’m ok with that. It is a part of my story and if it’s a part of yours I hope you do what makes you feel ok. Even if only for a moment.

This community has helped me feel seen, heard and mostly safe. There is always a comment or two that hurts and also that’s their journey and I don’t judge it.

I hope today you feel less alone and isolated. I hope today you lean on your supports. And above all I hope today you feel loved. From this world and the energetic realm.

All of my love 💕

05/18/2025

Yes my grieving journey has been a gift in a way. And also it really sucks.

I try my best to be ok with it all. Because truly that’s the only way I know how to get through it.

Living and loving through it all AND not judging myself for where I am on the journey, has given me a sense of hope and peace.

Understanding that it’s ok to be exactly where I am on the journey has helped to get me through.

And leaning on my supports as well as having a community here has helped to keep me going on my hardest and best of days.

I encourage you today, to be where you are and not judge yourself for where that is. I also hope you have a support system that holds you in that place. Always.

Pink Skies was the song I played on repeat after my dad’s death and one I still play often. It helps me feel close to him and gives me a sense of comfort. I’m wondering what song does that for you?

Let me know in the comments.

Calli Tony

06/19/2025

06/12/2025

06/10/2025

05/30/2025

05/30/2025

05/27/2025

05/20/2025

05/19/2025

05/18/2025

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