Dr. Dara

04/23/2025

04/03/2025

This is a golden nugget!
Can listen while driving. You can thank me later!

By Barbara Deyo

11/27/2023

It has been a hot sec, or over a year since I posted. I think these few pictures sum it all up- I’ve been WITH my babies!

I am not sure how often I will find myself on here, but I do miss connecting with some people. Old fashioned phone calls and even new fashion texts don’t seem to really keep up. I would love to know how some peeps are…

If you are wondering who you are that I want to hear from, you know if when you saw this post with my name, face or kids you felt a warm feeling or like a soulful smile.

Let me give you a short wrap up of my life- Elyah and Nevin are amazing! THRIVING! We continue to hike and travel in between competitive soccer, chess club, drama, book club… They both have straight A’s and are all around amazing humans (biased proud momma).

Merlin and Denzel continue to be our loyal fur family. Merlin has really come into his personality since being rescued from the tracks with shenanigans and Marmeduke moments. Denzel is as cuddly as ever. They both earn their keep as therapy dogs and go to nursing homes with me.

Me- Being Elyah and Nevin’s mom is still my best gig ever. Randy went back to work on the road, so the kids and I fly solo now. I still write in my SHIFT every morning before working out, get outside every chance I can in Asheville’s magical mountains, check snow forecasts to ski, squeeze in some “work”, and loving competitive body building.

The pictures look “perfect” and Facebook posts are all rosey but there has been some real hard lifing (and lifting) going on too. So, I have been digging in. I am really, really seeing and feeling the essence of time and maybe, just maybe beginning to grasp an understanding of BEING IN MY LIFE.

If you took the time to read this- please reach out to me! Preferably email or text or dial the rotary phone!

09/26/2022

Rving, soccering, hot springs, resting and a 🐷!

09/23/2022

Hello fall! Baby it is getting colder out and we are wanting WARMTH!!

It's the colder seasons that bring out the cuffing, these arrangements or situationships aren't really meant to last. They're relationships of convenience thanks to the weather. "People tend to feel more lonely during these months and have higher levels of testosterone, driving people to cuff up," licensed clinical psychologist Dara Bushman, Psy.D., tells Cosmopolitan. "In the winter, days are shorter and colder — with less outside activity. Feelings of isolation and boredom start to set in."

Read More:

Cuffing season may be here before we know it, but when exactly does it start? And how can you get in on it?

09/20/2022

It has been a while since I blogged. I was feeling conflicted.

Do I write without my heart in it and go through the motions because I committed to myself to be consistent, or do I take a break to find my mojo?

I was not feeling creative, plus I was feeling overwhelmed.

I was struggling to find the balance of being present for my family and following my calling as a writer and healer. As a “doer” I did not take into account the energy major life events take and how they were sucking the life out of my love cup (and creativity).

But, I kept pushing until I realized I was burnt-out. So, as a result, I wrote this-

Dear Burn-Out,

I felt you. I saw you lurking in from behind, creeping with a stare that you don’t think I noticed. You were not overt or friendly. You were not respectful enough to be direct and tell me what you needed. You are cunning, baffling, and silent. I felt your presence in the air as it thickened and distorted my perception with a film of jadedness and overwhelmingness. You pulled down from the atmosphere like a dark, dewey, humid day sucking the joy out of the light. You created a wind like an undercurrent pulling in thoughts of doubt and uncertainty.

I heard you. You thought I didn’t because I usually block you out with preoccupation and busyness. I justified taking on more and more tasks as “needs”. I ignored you with denial until getting away from you was like sludging through quicksand with desperation and despair.

Burn-out, you no longer serve me as a protectant to my fear of not doing enough or being enough. I have hidden behind you before to avoid the pain of emptiness or void.

You can no longer seep in when I am not grounded. You can no longer squeeze in the cracks when I do not healthfully make choices that are good for me and leave me balanced. YOU can no longer attack me to perpetuate shortness of my nerves or reactiveness to be an a**hole in relationships or fuel financial insecurity.

I heard you…One more session, one more floor to clean, one more page to write, one more dollar to make, one more workout to get in, one more project to complete, one more person to please…I got it, I understood your message. I can now respect your voice.

You recently followed me on my vacation. It took days for the stern echo of your voice to dissipate. You had me thinking I had to vacation perfectly and know exactly what my future should be with the perfect plan to conquer the world.

I saw YOU that night. You did not think I did. I was driving in the dark. I was feary (weary+fear). The road ahead figuratively and literally seemed uncertain and undefined. It was as if I risked falling off the side of the road at every turn. But then I heard a sharp and assertive voice, “You don’t have to know what is up ahead. You just have to look straight in front of you”.

Looking back only distracted me. Trying to look too far ahead overwhelmed me. In driving and in life I only need to know what was two car lengths ahead.

Burn-out, see me, hear me, FEEL me–you no longer have the power–I do!

Fearlessly,

Dara

This letter to Burn-Out may seem dramatic. And yes, I am ok, I am not suicidal or losing my shift. I am real. I am just saying what we all think and are often too scared to admit out loud.

The moral of the story is, we are all human and we show up in the best way we can. The key is having grace and to keep showing up in an imperfectly perfect way.

I don’t have it all figured out, but I do see the strength in honoring myself and having increased awareness of what I need to keep my SHIFT together.

08/09/2022

I love being part of a community that prioritizes family and wellness.

Thank you biltmore park for including my contribution and tips about talking to our kids on bullying as we head back to school.

08/02/2022

I am so excited and humbled to see S.H.I.F.T. Powerful Planner and Journal for an Unapologetically Kick Ass Life spreading, especially in my old, peaceful stomping grounds. Thank you Yoga Factory Fort Lauderdale for the support and love.

06/16/2022

Thank you Dania Rios De Azpurua for your support and for sharing S.H.I.F.T with Rivera point.

06/02/2022

I remember when I first became a psychologist I told a client to breathe.
There she was all upset, short of breath, crying and thinking her world was ending.... I tried a bunch of fancy breathing tecnhiques I learned in school.
Then I realized, the more I asked her to focus on breathing, the more she freaked out! I stopped all efforts to MAKE HER BREATHE.
So we talked, and put some music on. Becuase you cannot talk or sing without breahting.
I saw the below article and think it is good. Sometimes there are a few ways when we are not freakign out to regulate our breahing.
But, my first all time go to will be to put good music on and SING! Makes you feel better in seconds!
https://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a39286766/breathing-exercises-for-anxiety/?utm_source=Rumble&utm_campaign=e0ffb42830-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2021_07_21_12_42_COPY_17&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_8444a988cd-e0ffb42830-205726114

They're the fastest way back to your zen state.

06/01/2022

Thank you for the continued love and support.
A special shout out to Beck for continuing to send inspiration as bright as the sun.

Get your copy of S.H.I.F.T. Powerful Planner and Journal for an Unapologetically Kick Ass Life!

05/29/2022

Dear everyone wondering what they will be when they grow up or playing the role of grown up and pondering the meaning of life,

Current events of somberness and sadness leave us with heavy hearts. Shootings, violence, and death leave questions about the importance of our continual fight in the rat race of society, perpetuating the constant battle to continue to be more, want more and do more. We are in this rush to be perfect parents, make more money, earn more accolades in our careers, and constantly chase degrees and titles. Every sound bite from the media leaves indications that we are not good enough or doing enough while we compare our insides to other people's outsides while obsessively staring at the picture-perfect lives portrayed on social media. And for what, and at what cost?

In this fast-paced high-tech world, are we losing track of what is important?

As I have been continuing to dig into the essence of keeping my own SHIFT together, while trying to be of value and to support others, the word integrity repeatedly rings in my ears. Integrity to me is being honest, real and showing up consistently, in all areas of my life (even when no one is looking!). We all want the fast path to reach the peak of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Self-Actualization without respecting the fluidity of constant change. Like Heraclitus said, “The only constant in life is change.”

Being “grown up” like self-actualization is not a fixed state nor is having your SHIFT together. It is a constant practice, like an art.

Having balance in spiritual connections leads to healthfully making choices to fill your own self-love cup. Filling your own self-love cup with nourishment, rest, and movement reflects in the way we connect with others, interpersonally setting limits as we prioritize ourselves. Time to ourselves and with our peeps is similar to how we spend money or save. All of this in turn equates to how we define being a grown up or how we evolve in the way we parent, work, or provide education. Life has meaning if it feels fulfilling and full, from the ground up.

Then you take the current ruthless acts of hatred and crimes of pain that are occurring in our communities that cause soulful devastation and the annihilation of our purpose and make us question the meaning of life.

The reality of our purpose is really not about what we are doing, but how we are doing it. Are we showing up with integrity? Are we being part of the solution? Are we being the change we wish to see in the world?

I send much love to all the families affected by the recent shootings and to all that have ever been saddened by acts of unkindness. I also welcome the opportunity for introspection of the role and responsibility we each have in raising our babies and in the nurturance of ourselves to fulfill our soulful purpose–not to grow up, but to grow in.

Warmly,
Your No bull-shiFt, mental fitness, advice giving, S.H.I.F.T. Powerful Planner and Journal for an Unapologetically Kick Ass Life author, shame abolishing, health advocator and doer, Dr. Dara

P.S. If you are pondering the meaning of life or interested to grow-in, please join me: https://www.facebook.com/groups/449342648806770. And make sure you have a copy of S.H.I.F.T. Powerful Planner and Journal for an Unapologetically Kick Ass Life to solidify your purpose and be intentional with the way you wish to be in YOUR world.

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0578328399/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_api_glt_i_S1YM3859X2WX071ETQDE