12/23/2018
"When you give birth, prepare to leave your dignity at the door"
NO! Just no.
Birth can be dignified. Birth doesn't have to be awful, traumatic and dehumanising. It's most certainly not shameful.
I've seen plenty of birthing women vomit, poo, sob, scream, groan and roar their way through labour. I have seen plenty of nudity, I've seen tousled hair and messy makeup, I've seen blood and sweat and tears. I have seen doctors and midwives perform examinations and stitch women up.
Never have I thought these things make birth "undignified" - they are simply RAW and POWERFUL in the most vulnerable way.
No, what makes a difference to how "dignified" or "undignified" birth is, is not the woman or the act of birth itself.
What makes a difference is how that woman is treated.
I see dignity when I see a midwife gently hold a mother's hair back as she vomits with each contraction, or places a cool wash cloth on her forehead.
I see dignity in the way a partner lovingly caresses their partner's back, or holds her face in their hands, or kisses her tenderly on her forehead.
I see dignity in the way a care provider quietly introduces themselves, and gently speaks to a woman between contractions, asking her permission for any checks/monitoring to be carried out and respecting her wishes.
I see dignity in the knowing glances and brief smiles between birth attendants as a mama powerfully roars and grunts her way through those final contractions, knowing baby is near.
I see dignity in the way a midwife or doula discreetly removes any poo (totally normal, people!!) as the baby makes room to be born, much of the time with the mama not even realising.
I see dignity when an anaesthetist whispers in a mama's ear, reassuring her that she hasn't failed.
I see dignity in the way the theatre room is quiet as baby is born, so that the first voices the baby hears are that of their parents.
I see dignity, when the woman is treated with respect, when she is treated as a human and not merely a "vessel".
So, do not expect us to lay down our dignity at the door. Instead, TREAT us with dignity and respect - blood, sweat, tears, poo, nudity and all. No matter how or where we birth. Allow us to be simultaneously vulnerable and powerful, and DIGNIFIED.
