Arlene Kauffman, LMFT

04/17/2026

Mistakes help us grow. Here is how to have a positive mindset even when mistakes happen. (And they will!) https://www.theottoolbox.com/how-to-encourage-growth-mindset-mistakes/

04/17/2026

This is a little excerpt from my book….

Finding Your Calm: Responsive Parents Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation
�This book combines my knowledge of child development, brain science and trauma to offer parents a unique resource that includes lots of exercises, reflections, insights and also… links to additional research, articles and videos that can help support your healing and learning journey.

Links in comments

04/17/2026

04/17/2026

“It’s not about standing still and becoming safe. If anybody wants to keep creating they have to be about change.”

~ Miles Davis

Jennifer Wagner/ Inspirivity

04/14/2026

Charlotte Freeman - Momentary Happiness

04/14/2026

Some children grow up with parents who are physically present, but emotionally unavailable.

The parent is there…
but not fully there.

There may be food, shelter, and routine.
But little emotional attunement.
Little comfort.
Little reassurance.
Little sense of being truly seen, felt, or deeply connected to.

And when that happens, the child often adapts.

They may start trying harder to earn closeness.
To be good enough.
Helpful enough.
Easy enough.
Successful enough.
Anything that might finally bring the warmth, attention, or emotional connection they long for.

That pattern does not always stay in childhood.
It can quietly follow them into adulthood.

So later, they may feel strongly attached to people who are distant, inconsistent, emotionally hard to reach, or only available in small moments.

Not necessarily because those relationships are healthy.
But because the dynamic feels familiar.

The longing feels familiar.
The waiting feels familiar.
The hoping feels familiar.
Even the pain of not fully being chosen can feel familiar.

This is why chasing can sometimes feel like love.

Because for some people, love was never modeled as something steady, safe, and emotionally available.

It was something they had to reach for.

And the nervous system remembers that.

So when someone is emotionally unavailable in adulthood, it can activate the old desire to finally be enough to receive the love that once felt out of reach.

But real love does not require you to keep chasing it.

It does not make you prove your worth over and over.
It does not feed you in crumbs and call that connection.

Healing often begins when you realize:
you are not only reacting to the person in front of you.
You may also be reacting to an older pattern your body has known for a long time.

If this resonates with you, both of my books go deeper into these patterns.

I Didn’t Choose to Be Born explores how childhood wounds shape your emotional world, coping patterns, and sense of self.

Chasing Love That Hurts explores how those same wounds show up in attachment, emotional fixation, and painful relationship patterns in adulthood.

Both are available through the link in my bio

04/14/2026

⏳ LONG LIFE ISN’T BUILT IN ONE BIG MOMENT — IT’S BUILT IN THE SMALL THINGS YOU DO EVERY SINGLE DAY.

**30 Habits to Help You Live 100 Years**

Want more energy, better health, and a stronger body as you age? Start here. These habits are simple, powerful, and actually realistic to stick with. 💚

A long, healthy life is often shaped by everyday choices like:

🚶 Walking daily
😴 Sleeping 7–8 hours consistently
🥦 Eating mostly whole foods
🚫 Cutting back on sugar and processed junk
💧 Drinking enough water
❤️ Building strong relationships
🧘 Managing stress
📚 Keeping your mind active
😄 Laughing often
🚭 Avoiding smoking and limiting alcohol
🌳 Spending time in nature
🏋️ Strength training
🩺 Getting regular checkups
🍽️ Eating slowly
🧍 Moving every hour
📵 Reducing screen time at night
🧼 Washing your hands often
⚖️ Maintaining a healthy weight
🪜 Taking the stairs
😊 Smiling more
🌿 Using herbs and spices for wellness
💰 Managing money wisely to lower stress
🫀 Listening to your body
🏆 Celebrating small wins

You do not need to chase perfection. You need habits that protect your future. One better choice today can become a stronger, healthier life tomorrow. 🔥

Start with 3 habits. Master them. Then build from there. That is how real transformation lasts.

💬 Which habit do you already do — and which one needs work?
📌 Save this post for daily motivation
📤 Share it with someone you want to live a long, healthy life with

04/08/2026

Yelling might get a child to stop in the moment…
but it doesn’t help them understand.

When a child is yelled at, their nervous system shifts into a stress response. Their brain is no longer focused on learning, processing, or understanding what went wrong.
🛑 It’s focused on safety. 🛑

That’s why you might see compliance in the moment, but the behavior often repeats. Because the lesson wasn’t actually learned, only the fear was.

✨✨ Understanding comes from connection, not fear. ✨✨

When a child feels safe, their brain stays open. They’re able to hear you, process what you’re saying, and gradually learn how to make different choices over time.

This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. Every parent loses their patience sometimes, what matters most is what happens next.

💕 Repair. Reconnect. Try again. 💕

That’s what teaches your child far more than yelling ever will.

04/08/2026

Most people only see the surface of self-harm - the behaviour, the injuries, the fear.

But underneath, there is usually pain that has not been spoken about.

Self-harm is often a way of coping with overwhelming feelings - sadness, anxiety, anger, shame, or feeling completely numb. It is not about attention. It is about not knowing how else to deal with what is going on inside.

If we only focus on what we can see, we miss what really matters.
Children need to feel safe, heard, and understood - not judged.

Because behaviour is communication.

Free SELF-HARM ICEBERG PDF POSTER FOR CHILDREN

LIKE the photo and comment "ICEBERG" and we will send you a message with a link to a free PDF of this resource.

04/08/2026

Some children did not become quiet because that was their personality.

They became quiet because it felt safer.

In some homes, being seen meant being criticized.
Being expressive meant being shut down.
Having needs meant being ignored, mocked, or treated like a problem.

So the child adapts.

They speak less.
They hide more.
They keep their feelings to themselves.
They learn how not to take up too much space.

From the outside, this may look like independence, maturity, or being "easy."

But often, it is a survival response.

It is a child learning that visibility comes with risk.

And those patterns can follow people into adulthood.

They may struggle to express their needs.
They may feel uncomfortable being fully seen.
They may minimize their pain, avoid vulnerability, or disappear inside relationships.

Not because they have nothing to say.
Not because they do not want connection.

But because a part of them learned very early that being noticed did not always feel safe.

Healing begins when people understand that silence was not always their nature.
Sometimes it was protection.

And slowly, they can begin to reclaim their voice, their needs, and the space they were always allowed to take. —

04/08/2026

We all share a need for meaningful relationships but building them isn't always easy. Why do some people seem to have it all figured out, while others struggle? These are their secrets.